Post # 1
About a week ago my boyfriend proposed!! I am over the moon excited and so happy. Both my fiance and I couldn’t wait for this moment and being able to start planning our wedding. However we are now running into the problem of my family basically putting a damper on the situation. They constantly are saying they are happy for us but wish we would wait longer wait a few more years until we get married. They basically want us to go with the timeline they seem is most appropriate such as waiting a few years before we get married or make any plans like that.
Its difficult since they have said we are happy but would be much happier if you would wait instead of doing it right now. Has anyone else dealt with family not being overjoyed at first ? Just looking for a little bit of advice.
Post # 2
The two questions every bee will ask:
1. How old are you?
2. How long have you been together?
Post # 4
- Wedding: July 2017 - The Lodge at Little Seneca Creek
lexipediabride : reptilelvr :
You both beat me! Good questions.
OP, I was engaged before. We got engaged when we were 19, and my parents only gave my BF permission to propose if we waited until we graduated college. I’m so thankful they gave us this restriction (although I doubt we would have been able to afford it earlier than that anyway) because we ended up breaking up before we got married.
Post # 5
I think after a little time has passed, they will accept it! Immediately after my fiance proposed and slipped the ring on my finger, my step-dad (whom I’m not close with at all) says very loudly, “Well, that’s my cue to leave.” I was SUPER offended. He didn’t seem to happy for me at all. All of my family was shocked, but once they were able to register what happened, they seem really excited for me/us. Granted they all have had really bad experiences with their marriages, but they saw how happy I was. Some people have to push away their own personal emotions and recognize how happy you are in order to feel the same excitement for you, and oftentimes it just needs time. There’s really not much you can do unless they continue to make comments like “we are happy for you, but…”, then you can step in and speak up!
Post # 6
You have interesting expectations. Marriage is a big commitment an it is natural for those that care about you to be sure you are making the right decision. People are not automatically overjoyed at every proposal. It sounds like your family has legitimate concerns and they are voicing them.
Post # 7
I’m sorry you aren’t getting the reaction you’d hoped for. If I were in your shoes, I would be questioning why. Should I really be taking a long, hard look at my relationship? Or do I just come from a family of negative people? Either way, the answer is to be mature about it … either prove your relationship is lasting and valuable by living it, or reconsider for your own sake. Either way, you ultimately don’t need their permission. Good luck!
Post # 8
This…. OP. It is a shame not everyone is overjoyed, but either way I am sure your loved ones have your best interests at heart.
Post # 9
I got engaged at 21 and my family was not happy. I gave them a chance to express their concerns (and to their credit they were rather diplomatic about it). Ultimately, we decided to get married anyway and they decided to support it.
In my situation, it turned out they were absolutely right and we ended up divorcing. I though I was mature enough to know better, but I didn’t.
My best advice is to let down your defenses, listen with an open mind and truly consider their words. If it’s a forever relationship, there is nothing to be lost by waiting (believe me, I know how hard it is!)
Post # 10
also want to know those things, haha. I was reading it at first thinking I was worried I would get the same reaction if I get engaged after just 1-1.5 years with my SO, but we live together and I am 27 and he is 36 so I don’t think it is that crazy, just speedy in my family compared to my older (snail-paced) siblings haha. Then when she said “They basically want us to go with the timeline they seem is most appropriate such as waiting a few years before we get married or make any plans like that,” I started to think maybe this was a different ballgame!
Post # 11
- Wedding: April 2017 - Valleybrook Country Club
Agree! The answer to these questions could make a huge difference.
If your family is saying they want you to wait longer, it doesn’t seem that they don’t like Fiance… Remember that they probably want the best for you and their lack of excitement is probably coming from a place of concern for your future.
Post # 12
Agree with everyone else. If you are 18 and met 6 months ago, I’d also suggest waiting until you graduate college, say. Life would change so extensively that you may find the two of you aren’t compatible anymore. If you’re 43, living independently and have been dating your fiance for the last 6 years with no problems, then the family needs to suck it up and be supportive. Obviously those are two extremes. But things I’d want my child to do before marriage are: graduate high school, graduate college, live independently for a couple of years to get the hang of it. Also possible concerns would be if I thought the fiance was disrespectful, abusive or tending toward abuse, lazy, had poor finances, had multiple relationships with kids/marriage that had failed (yeah it happens, but I’m talking serially), things like that.
So what’s your whole story?
Post # 13
My fiancé’s brother isn’t happy about us getting engaged either. The rest of our family is. It’s hard to have someone not supportive of your decision but at the end of the day it is your decision and your decision alone!