(Closed) Recently engaged…and so the problems begin…

posted 9 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
14183 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I’m a little confused…so is he picking it out for you, but not getting you the one his mother picked out?

Personally i’d be livid. We had discussed me picking out the setting and if he’d proposed to me in a setting all by surprise i’d be a little like, “wait…what?!” because I was very specific about whta I wanted and even described THE setting to him multiple times. He let me look for rings and I just got stuck on the one i must have! Yes, i understand the guys’ position, but in the end, they want you to be happy right?

What if you don’t like the ring he gets you? Can you exchange the setting? that is a pretty common thing and I think most jewelers include an option to allow you to change the setting. It’s not like you wore it out in the time you put it on the finger to the time you went to the store and said, “well, she doesn’t like it”…

While i get that some guys need help from mom’s, sisters, bridesmaids, etc, i understand the sentiment behind HIM picking it out. I”m not sure if i’d be annoyed or not….maybe not if it was my mom, but his mom and i have different taste so i’d be concerned she could end up steeering him in a different direction from my taste. His sister–now we do share the same taste. i just know how MY guy is about jewelry and he is so lost it ain’;t funny.

Post # 4
69 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I am so sorry about what is happening to you !

A ring is very emotional and he should understand that! especially if he said that you could design it, he should not reverse and do something else that what you agreed!!!

plus the fact he asked her mother to chose it is not very caring from him..any ring he will give you, i d be disappointed if i were you …and that is a pity

there must be a reason he changed his mind, mabe he talked with her mum and she said she d be happy to pick the ring and he just agreed and obviously did not raised the pont it is important for you to pick the ring…

Or she just said that it will be to expensive to design it so he chose another ring.

whatever the reason is, he should understand that he is truly hurting you, i would me be really sad if i were you

Post # 5
115 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I had a similar situation & decided that it just wasn’t worth hurting feelings over. We basically agreed that if I didn’t like the surprise ering, we’d trade it in on our first anniversary for a new one. By then, I figured I would either (A) be attached to it and love it, or (B) have worn it long enough to satisfy fiancé & Future Mother-In-Law. It was just one less thing to hassle with considering all the other wedding stuff going on!

Post # 6
241 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

While I get that having his mother pick it out is upsetting, you never would have known if he just surprised you with it (regardless of the deal about you getting to pick it out).


I think you should be happy he’s agreeing to buy you one at all, even if his mother picked it out.

Post # 7
11 posts
  • Wedding: December 2012

I agree with Beaukat. I don’t believe anyone should get angry over a “gift”. Let’s be thankful of what was given to us. 

Post # 8
511 posts
Busy bee

I say you should have a ring that you love, and that he should respect your reasons for being upset. Yes, it’s merely a symbol of your love but YOU have to wear it every day, not his mother. In my opinion, allowing her to have this much input into such a big purchase can only spell trouble for you later on.  Will she be consulted when you pick out a house, or decide on which schools you want your kids to go to?

I think it would be a different story if he had picked it out alone, or with the help of a close friend of yours. It sounds like you are stating your wants and needs, and the fact that he’s not listening to you is a bit of a red flag for me.

Be firm but diplomatic; tell him that you feel that he reneged on a promise that he made to you, and that he is minimizing your feelings.  Stay strong because you are worthy of happiness, support and love.

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