(Closed) Recently Miscarried, Invite to Shower?

posted 7 years ago in Babies
Post # 3
Member
371 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I had a similar situation with my baby shower last year. My Fiance’s boss’s wife had 3 of them, and she just found out she was preggers two months before my shower. My Fiance asked her husband first and he said it would not be a good idea to invite her to the baby shower. It’s a really touchy subject for some people, was she far along?  I would extend the invite though

Post # 4
Member
2111 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

You NEED to invite her. If she thinks she’ll be uncomfortable, she’ll decline. I think she’d be very upset if you didnt invite her at all 🙂

Post # 5
Member
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2008

Obviously you know her best, but my suggestion would be to absolutey invite her.  And then have someone call her and kindly explain that everyone involved understands if it is too hard for her to attend, but you couldn’t imagine not inviting her to the shower….

At some point, she will be happy for others again, and maybe this will help her get there….and if not, then she can decide not to go.

Post # 6
Member
2015 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I would definitely invite her. As much as she’s feeling down right now, deep down, she still probably wants to support her good friends by coming. And, if she’s not able to make it, you can all respect her decision and know why she had to skip it.

Post # 7
Member
4123 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I would probably have the closest one to her go out to dinner or do something “girly” and then casually bring up that baby showers are approaching. That you want her to be a part, but you understand if it’s hard… A quiet calm discussion one on one would probably be best.

 

Post # 8
Member
558 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

Absolutely invite her. I would hand deliver the invitation, and just explain that while you all know she’s going through a very hard time right now, that you all still love her and want her to be a part of the festivities. If she doesn’t feel up to it, she will most likely politely decline.

Post # 10
Hostess
14027 posts
Honey Beekeeper

I’d invite her and include a note that you and your friends would love for her to be there but you understand if she cannot handle it right now. So she knows she’s loved but also has the option not to attend.

Post # 11
Member
256 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2009

I second KLP’s suggestion that the closest one to her (or you personally, depending on the relationship) speak to her personally about the situation and whether she would prefer to be invited. Explain that while you all want to include her in the discussions, etc, that you are also trying to respect the fact that it may be a difficult time for her as well, and that you don’t want to overstep any boundaries she may need in regards to the situation.  I have a friend who has been trying for quite a while now and has had a very rough time and I did the same thing for her when annoucing or speaking about my pregnancy. Although I want to share everything with her I can only imagine how difficult it must be at times and I believe she appreciates that. Everyone needs their own space and time frame, so she may be  happy to participate in the festivities or it may still be sensitive. Just tread lightly and let her know that you are doing so in order to be considerate of how she may be feeling. 🙂

Post # 12
Member
695 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I agree with the other bees to invite her. She is probably still feeling very sad and alone, and if she finds out she has been excluded, it might make her feel more alone and upset. If she doesn’t feel up to it, she will decline, but definitely give her the option of joining in if she’s up to it. It’s great that you’re all being so considerate of her feelings.

 

Post # 14
Member
2376 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

I believe that you need to invite her.  If she doesn’t feel comfortable attending, then she won’t.  To not invite her risks offending her, or making her realize her loss even more..i.e.  not only did she lose her baby, but she’s being excluded from her friends lives as well due to her losing her baby.  Definitely invite her.

Post # 15
Member
695 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

@jjilyeah, It really sounds like you’re doing everything you can to be considerate of her while also embracing the joy of the other pregnancies! I can imagine it must be difficult to try to hold some of that joy back around her. But I’m sure she appreciates your support & thoughtfulness, even if it is hard for her to be around all of the excitement.

As an aside, after my father passed away, a lot of my parents’ friends stopped inviting my mom to social events because they weren’t sure she’d want to go alone (even though she almost always went alone when my dad was living due to his schedule/other committments) or because they just didn’t know how to handle the situation. I know it made her feel very lonely and isolated, so that is really where my response to your question is coming from. I know she would have appreciated friends reaching out to her and giving her the option of joining or declining.

 

Post # 16
Member
16 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 2011

Invite her! She might enjoy seeing all of you and getting her mind off things. You can always tell her that if she doesnt feel up to it, everyone would understand. Otherwise, she is going to think that she doesnt “fit in” anymore BECAUSE she miscarried!!

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