Post # 1
Just venting here.
I recently found out that my sister is pregnant with twins! I’m very excited for her and my brother-in-law but also feel a bit bummed. She will be~4-5 months pregnant at my wedding and is Maid/Matron of Honor. Why am I bummed? I don’t really have any good reasons. One is superficial. I picked out really sleek, fitted dresses for my bridal party and now it won’t look how I was expecting. I know it’s not a good reason to get upset. I also guess I just wasn’t expecting the news of twins. I feel like my wedding will now be the opportunity for family to congratulate her and see her and I will feel left out, especially since twins will be considered even more special (they don’t run in my famly). When she got married, no one else in the family had anything taking away from her day and I feel a bit gipped. FI and I are the youngest in our families so everyone has already gotten married and it already feels like it’s not as special as when everyone else did since they were the ‘firsts’.
I feel ugly and gross inside when I think this way. I’m never going to act on my feelings and make anyone feel bad or uncomfortable since I know my wedding is not the focal point of everyone else’s lives. I know the most important thing is that Fiance and I will become husband and wife and I have to get over my feelings. Just wanted to get it out.
Post # 2
goneanonbeeee: Yeah, you have pretty much said it all yourself. You feel shitty for feeling like that, you aren’t going to say anything / get upset about it on your day. Yes, it will be exciting everyone, BUT in all honesty, it’s not like you will be party to all the conversations between people on your big day, so you probably won’t even have a clue if it is talked about lots or not.
Post # 3
Totally get what you’re saying. SO and I are the youngest, and both his parents have been married 5 times each (I kid you not) so the idea of us getting married to his family is NBD, and my mom is super against marriage so she doesn’t wven want me to get married. Its awkward.
Sorry it worked out this way bee
Post # 4
I know how you feel. My brother had his first child (first grandbaby in the family) so all my family were over the moon and eager to meet her for the first time at our wedding. But you know what, it’s okay! You will be SO busy with so much going on and everyone wanting to talk to the bride/take pics with you that you won’t have time to notice them gushing over your sister. Plus, if your sister is the Maid/Matron of Honor she’ll be too busy helping you/doing her Bridesmaid or Best Man duties. My Maid/Matron of Honor was over 5 months pregnant at my wedding, but she was so busy following me everywhere/helping me out that she didn’t have time to really talk to people about her pregnancy.
Don’t worry! Brides and grooms are always the center of attention at their weddings.
Post # 5
MsBeer: This is true. And it won’t be such a big deal to my FI’s family, anyway I guess!
Post # 6
goneanonbeeee: I honestly don’t think it will be as big of a deal as you think. As for family seeing your sister for the first time, chances are they will have had a month or two to process the information, so they will be excited to see her and congratulate her, but that’s about it. It’s not as if everyone is going to be non stop talking about her pregnancy. As special and wonderful as pregnancy is, at the end of the day it’s something millions of women experience, so I don’t see it being something talked about throughout the entirety of your wedding. As someone else said, even if it is, I don’t anticipate your family coming up to you all day to gush about your sister’s pregnancy. Also, don’t forget that no matter what happens, everyone showed up to see you and your Fiance get married. You are literally the only reason this entire group of people came together in this one spot. No one will be forgetting you are getting married or that you are the bride. Do not look for reasons to spoil your day.
I think this is just one of those things that will play itself out and afterwards you’ll feel silly for letting it upset you so much. I promise you that this won’t be as upsetting as you anticpate.
And as for the dress. Eh. Let your sister wear a looser dress in the same color and have your bridesmaids in the other dress. That, too, will work itself out.
Post # 7
I’m not known for treacly feel good stuff, but I really do believe this, so I’m gonna share it with the preface that I am sorry you’re feeling this way.
Here goes: I’ve always felt that love begets more love, joy begets more joy, etc. I feel this way in my own life, so it’s not just some standard line.
It’s remarkable that your family will be celebrating your wedding and starting family as your sister is in another phase of family creation. It will be such a great memory for everyone. everyone will look back at the pictures from your wedding more than any other because everyone will be in them, all of the siblings married and at the beginning of their family journey. It will be so special.
It’s terribly misleading, too, the way women are told this will be “their day” when most of the time, weddings end up being about family/friends coming together.
Post # 8
- Wedding: July 2016 - The Burgundy Basin
goneanonbeeee: I feel you. One of my bridesmaids just told me that she’s going to start trying to conceive in February and our wedding is in July. I know I shouldn’t feel bad about it (because she’ll be only a couple of months along) but it’s kind of taking a bit of wind from me. I’m not sure if I’m jealous that she’ll be starting a family or what. But I love her and would never tell her anything against what a great idea it is. 🙂
Post # 9
aubreyanne: I guess that’s how I feel, too. I’m putting on my happy face and acting excited– and I truly am, I can’t wait to be an aunt but it just feels like “you had to do this NOW!?” and of course she should get pregnant whenever she wants, it’s her life! But I can’t help the little monster inside from occasionally getting in my head, lol.
Post # 10
BalletParker: Thanks for this!
Post # 11
MrsMeowton: Thanks for this! I guess I’m a bit insecure and this news is bringing it out.
Post # 12
- Wedding: September 2014 - Merritt Winery
Don’t beat yourself up for feeling the way you do. As long as you recognize where the feelings are coming from and process them like an adult (and it seems like you are) have your secret pity party with us! Good luck!
Post # 13
goneanonbeeee: I’m happy to see everyone being supportive here – I think your feelings are not uncommon at all, and you’re handling them the right way. I will also say, I got married in the midst of a flurry of family events. I was the 4th of 5 cousins to get married in an 11-month span. One cousin had a newborn at the wedding who everyone fawned over. But you know what? The day still felt super special, and I never felt like I didn’t get enough of the spotlight. Sure, when people have time to stand around and chat, they are certainly going to talk about the pregnancy at times. But the nature of the wedding is such that there will be plenty of time for the focus to be on you as well. So no need to worry 🙂
Post # 14
I asked my cousin, who lives out of state, to be a bridesmaid in my wedding. I was thrilled that she accepted. I also asked her two young sons to be my ring bearers. Growing up, we spent time together ever summer and she was like a big sister to me. A few years went by when we were in high school/college when we did not see each other. Now that I am an adult, I have really focused on making sure we get together more and we are close again. Ever since her kids were born, I have made sure to visit multiple times per year so they know me well. She was a big part of helping my pick my bridesmaids dresses, but when it came time to place the order, she disappeared. I was so confused why she wasn’t returning my calls since she had been so involved. Well, she called me finally and announced that she was pregnant with her 3rd child, and he was due 10 days before my wedding! So I can tell you that I understand what you are feeling. I was over the moon, because I was so happy for her and also, really excited that this little boy might be around the same age as any kids me and my husband would be having. However, I was sad that she might not be able to attend my wedding. She said she wanted to still come, but wouldnt know for sure until the day of. Long story short, she ended up coming, her dress magically fit, the boys were amazing as ring bearers, and the baby (9 days old!) was so adorable. We had a great time. But if it didn’t turn out that way, I knew that weddings are about love, and all you can do is spread as much of it as possible! I say embrace the news! One family member’s joy does not detract from another’s. They just build on each other and make the day extra joyful!
Post # 15
goneanonbeeee: If you had written this 9 years ago I would have thought you were my sister lol. I was 5 months pregnant with my twins at my sister’s wedding and I was her Maid/Matron of Honor. Relax, it will totally be your day. I promise you that ALL of the attention was on my sister and not me and my buns in the oven on her wedding day 🙂