(Closed) Reception decision based on emotion…Objective advice please!!! (sorry so long)

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 4
1043 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Ask yourself: if I do the smaller wedding, what things will be different?  Will I still enjoy my wedding with those things being omitted? 

If having a smaller wedding reception/dinner makes this process less stressful, then it sounds like the right choice.  I wish you lots of luck during this process, you’ll have a great wedding no matter what you decide.

Post # 7
3773 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

Is there any way you can still have the big wedding, but do away with a wedding party all together? That way your brother won’t feel uncomfortable.

Without knowing specific details of your moms situation it is hard to say, but I think you should plan the wedding you want with your Fiance. Enjoy this time together.Even if she is able to ejoy it there is no reason you can’t.

Post # 8
389 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I think both of your wedding ideas sound great. I don’t have experience with mental illness, but the one thing I thought from reading you post was that if your brother would be uncomfortable standing up in front of people, being introduced, etc. then change that part. He can still be in the bridal party without doing the things that make him uncomfortable.

Perhaps you could set up an area in your reception where your mother and brother would be comfortable. Like maybe renting a few couches and having a more quite sitting area away from all the hoopla.

Post # 9
11752 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I think you should plan the wedding you have dreamed of.  You sound like an incredibly considerate person to be so in tune to your mom and brother’s potential reactions on the day.  However, this is the one day in your life that really is supposed to be all about you and your Fiance.  You likely will never have a day like that ever again!  Do what will make you and Fiance happy.  You can find ways and use the support of other family members present to help your mom and brother cope with the day.

Post # 10
8042 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

@caseybop1:  I’d do smaller. Less stress = more enjoyment. I’d hate to spend a ton on a wedding and not enjoy it. Even if money isn’t a big issue, I still think that if you know a small wedding would be easier, you should do it that way.

Post # 12
1141 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

You are so considerate of your family but your doing so at your own expense. I seems like things could just be tweaked so make things easier on them. Your brother could play a smaller role, mom goes as a guest etc. Don’t do anything that doesn’t make you happy 100% , you can’t lessen your own happiness for them.

Post # 14
102 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

It sounds to me like whichever you pick will be great. I found the level of stress comes more with the degree of formalitythan the numbers – dj and gowns is more stressful than a vintage fete feel. But that could just be me! If your budget runs to a wedding planner it might be worth thinking about. Or just a kickarse maid of honour could help.

But it seems to me you need to ask yourself some questions: if my family freak out anyway, will I be sad that I didn’t have a bigger wedding? If I have the big wedding, would we be inviting more distant people who won’t be so understanding if my family flips? Are there ways with both options to avoid potential trouble spots? For example, if your mother freaks out in crowds, smaller is better but if it’s speeches there might be a work-round. My Father-In-Law is very likely to freak in crowds or if he feels constrained so we’ve kept things classy but low-key.

I think too, as your wedding is a while away, you might want to think about whether things are likely to improve or get worse. Is your brother seeking help, for example? But really, above all, this sousnds like the time to talk to some old friends – they may be able to help diffuse trouble spots.

Post # 15
942 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Wow PP’s have posted some great advice and kind words. I really think you should still do the ‘traditional reception’ like you want but it’s also about finding the middle ground and remember that 95% of the time, everyone has fun at weddings.  Maybe try aim for 70-90 people instead of 125. We had 76 which was a good number and had a dinner at a restaurant, that had a dancefloor with MC/DJ. We still got to do our first dance and father daughter dance. We had the whole restaurant until midnight but also organised a door list at a nightclub just in case people wanted to party into the wee hours (although they didn’t let anyone in because they were too drunk)

The Groomsmen can wait at the altar with the groom, and don’t have to do the ‘entrance’ (walk down with the bridesmaids) and I believe usually only the best man, Maid/Matron of Honor and dads give a speech so your bro could easily avoid having to use a microphone. Communicate with the photographer that it may be better to avoid the ‘posing’ shots of him and try get some nice candids instead?

I kind of understand the situation with your mum, my sister has bipolar and she was my Maid/Matron of Honor, although she really loved being involved with the planning. Sounds like your family are a big weight on your shoulders at the moment but I really think that when everyone is all together, celebrating you and your husband making this huge milestone and getting married, it will be a beautiful, special, happy moment for everyone.

Post # 16
1470 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

You sound very thoughtful and considerate and I’m sorry you have to think about these things on your wedding day. I agree with another’s suggestion about doing away with a wedding party. They are stressful to coordinate under “normal” circumstances. And right now, I’m coordinating a 70-person wedding and it’s still stressful and so I can imagine your mom and your brother may still feel some stress regardless of the size. I would worry that you would scale down your dream wedding and still have to deal with some awkwardness. Plus, at a larger wedding, maybe it might be even easier for your brother and mother to step away from the party for bit, to rest in their hotel room, go for a walk etc. without drawing too much attention. Maybe you can make that clear to them? That they are free to take a break from the reception for a bit if they need to?

Finally, I would probably limit how much you involve your mom and brother in the planning so they don’t feel like it’s this huge event with this huge build up. Even though it is as we all know 🙂

Good luck!

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