(Closed) Reception Dilemma

posted 3 years ago in Reception
Post # 2
1023 posts
Bumble bee

The people at the wedding won’t die because of one party without alcohol. If you and your Fiance are fine with non-alcoholic drinks, your guests will be.

Since your family is paying, I would respect their wishes. (Unless they have a history of boundary stomping and treating you like a child, in which case you might want to assert yourself).

But if you and your Fiance are OK with it, skip the alcohol. There will be plenty of times to throw parties with alcohol later if you wish. 

Post # 3
1565 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

View original reply
deanr :  If your parents are paying – you will definitel have to honor them / compromise in a way that makes them happy.

I think your mocktail solution sounds wonderful. Any other advice I could give you is how to control alcohol at your wedding, but I think that given your dad’s wishes – your best bet is to honor them. People don’t need alcohol to have a good time.

Post # 4
786 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2018 - Farm

View original reply
deanr :  

Alcohol at weddings is such an issue sometimes. People tend to have an issue with dry weddings. If you have a cash bar, some people may have a problem with that. You could have a limited bar and only serve beer and wine. You could only have just a signature drink and no beer or wine. It’s your wedding, your money, and you do what you want. However, your family will be paying for the wedding and do not want alcohol at all. Even if you were to offer alcohol and pay for it yourself your parents may have an issue with that and pull their funding of the wedding. This is a tough situation but if you must have a dry wedding tell the guest in advance that no alcohol will be served. You know your crowd and if you come from religious families they probably want expect alcohol anyway. I think she may be worried about what others will think if you do not serve alcohol but it seems like you guys are addressing the issue and trying to find solutions.  Would your parents be okay if you served beer and wine only during dinner or the cocktail hour?

Post # 5
899 posts
Busy bee

I personally hate dry weddings. But if people understand that you guys are religious they will understand. And if your parents are paying, then it kind of is what it is. I would just make sure his guest are aware that there will not be alcolhol to manage expectations. 

My BFFs wedding was dry more for cost savings than for religiou spurposes. DH and I brought some nips in my purse to pour into our drinks. lol

Post # 6
58 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

personally I would have to say do what is going to be best for you and your FI the guest will get over it. The wedding is your moment/day… I know alcohol is tricky situation when it comes to family and how they act/are… we are opting for just beer & wine to keep things more mellow. 

Post # 7
8097 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I never understand how christians say alcohol shouldn’t be at weddings. It’s like jesus’ favourite party trick!

I also don’t love dry weddings. If your FIs family are drinkers, they are going to be disappointed and will likely leave early. I’ve never been to a dry wedding that had a party/late night atmosphere. Morning/brunch/lunch/picnic wedding? Works great for a dry wedding. Late night dance fest? Not so much. So it depends on the vibe you are going for as well. 

This is also related as a bee said it already:

Post # 8
1020 posts
Bumble bee

Maybe my perspective is colored by growing up in a family that did not drink and did not serve alcohol at parties/dinner (it was never brought into the house; my parents don’t drink for religious reasons), but I don’t see a reason that you should have alcohol at your wedding if you don’t want it. Guests are there to celebrate your marriage, not to expect to load up with booze. If someone can’t have a good time and celebrate your marriage without alcohol, that’s on them, not on you.

FWIW, my first wedding was basically dry except for the champagne toast because I (along with a bunch of guests) still weren’t of legal drinking age. People still danced and had a good time.

Post # 9
2806 posts
Sugar bee

View original reply
deanr :  My parents paid for the wedding, and are strongly against alcohol. All of my family is very strongly against alcohol. DH’s family are casual drinkers, and his friends are strong drinkers. 

DH and I don’t drink, and as we don’t drink, it seemed silly to provide expensive alcohol to our guests. Just like if we had guests at our home, we would not go out and buy alcohol. You can be a good host without alcohol.

However, DH really wanted alcohol at our wedding for his friends, and he felt that it would be expected, as he had never attended a dry wedding (I, on the other hand have been to mostly all dry weddings). So, our compromise was that DH paid for the alcohol at the wedding.

Just decide how important it is to you. If it is important, you might have to commit to paying for alcohol yourselves (even a cash bar requires money to set up).

Post # 10
644 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

We will be doing wine only.

Truthfully, if drinking people know it is a “dry” wedding, they will more than likely bring their own booze, so be aware of that.

Post # 11
2612 posts
Sugar bee

It depends a lot on your guests, and it seems like your group may not mind as much – but I know that my family/friends would dread a dry wedding. Weddings can be long and formal and involve a lot of small talk and some people are not used to having to do that without a little social lubricant.

Personally I’d suggest providing a cash bar. I definitely don’t think your father should have to pay for everyone to drink, but I also think it might not go over well if people aren’t ALLOWED to drink. You’re certainly not obligated to, but I would consider it a factor in your guests enjoyment of the wedding. 

if you’re really set on a dry wedding, would you consider a lunch or brunch wedding? 

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