(Closed) Reception Food choice might cause guests to not come

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 212
Member
6458 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

Oh I also wanted to add that this made me think of two episodes of Four Weddings.  The bride was Malaysian, and wanted to serve Malaysian food, but was concerned that people wouldn’t like it because it was different.  So, she served a mix — and all the other brides were like, “We are disappointed that there is not more ethnic food here!”  

THEN the other episode, the bride was Indian, and served Indian food, and the other brides all complained.  That was an episode with an idiot saying, “I liked her Indian dress, but I prefer more traditional wedding gowns, so I’m giving her dress a 4.”  UM…yeah.

 

It really depends on who your guests are, I guess!  

Post # 213
Member
4113 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@peachacid:  I’m with you on this. You accomodate dietary restrictions, not closed minded-ness.

View original reply
@fishbone:  Choosing the food at your own wedding is not considered not caring about your guests. Think about how silly that sounds, it’s YOUR day, not the people you’ve  invited to share it withs.

Post # 214
Member
67 posts
Worker bee

@KC-2722:  People not liking to eat certain types of food is not close-mindedness. . . they just don’t like it. Period.  And that is fine.

It stops being soley “Your Day” when you ask other people to share it with you!  And again, the reception is not just a party for you and your groom, it is where the host of the wedding (traditionally the Bride’s parents) “Receive” their guests, or in other words they host their guests. 

So if you know in advance that a large portion of your guestlist doesn’t like a certain type of food, and you choose to serve it anyways w/o giving them another option to eat, that is being a bad host.  As a PP said, this situation wold be the same if you were going to host a festivus of meat knowing full well 1/3 of your guests were vegan.

ETA: I love Indian food, so my opinion has nothing to do with having a bland palette.

 

 

 

 

 

Post # 215
Member
4113 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@cmsciulli:  genuinely not liking something is fine, but saying you don’t like something when you have not tried it should not be accomodated. Have the 1/3 of guests who don’t like indian actually sure they don’t like indian? or are they opposed to it because it’s different?

In my opinion it is my day, and I could care less if someone wants to complain about my choices. I will take into account dietary restrictions, but if you don’t like something too bad, someone with an open mind can always find something to eat. It’s one meal out of someones life.

And yes, the party is a reception for me and my groom. My parents aren’t ‘hosting’ my wedding because I’m an adult, I’m hosting my own wedding. Mentalities like yours are exactly what’s wrong with traditional weddings. My Fiance and I will choose our food (and EVERYTHING) else based on what WE want, not what others want or don’t want.

 

Post # 216
Member
67 posts
Worker bee

@KC-2722:  Even if you are hosting your own wedding, you still need to be a good hostess.  Which means you should take into consideration the comfort and enjoyment of your guests.  I don’t see how there is anything wrong with that mentality.

ETA: Has Aspasia weighed in on this thread?  I’m curious as to what she would say about it, as she generlaly gives excellent and well written etiquette advice.

 

Post # 217
Member
6458 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

@cmsciulli:  What are you serving at your wedding?  Because there is a chance that a picky eater will hate it.  I hate, for example, black pepper.  I think it’s disgusting.  Do I expect ANYONE to accommodate that, except for my fiance if he’s cooking?  Absolutely not.  

Indian food is not out there enough to be considered weird.  It’s just a different kind of food. And if the OP includes Indian food that is as “normal” as possible, there should be no problem with her serving exclusively Indian food at her wedding.  

Post # 218
Member
6458 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

@MrsBeck:  There was a thread similar to this one about vegetarian food…I can’t find it but the general consensus was that the bride should accommodate her vegetarian friends, and so should everyone — because being vegetarian is a reason to serve different food from what everyone else is eating.  Picky eaters?  That’s not a valid reason.

Post # 219
Member
532 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@peachacid:  in regards to your second example I think guests going to an Indian wedding should expect Indian food and the bride to wear a Sari. I wouldn’t go to an Indian wedding and expect to be served beef. I think the OP’s problem is that she isn’t Indian and wants to serve Indian food to people who are not expecting it and who she suspects won’t like it. I think she is going to waste a lot of money and not to mention food with people who just won’t eat it. Picky or not, serving food that will go to waste is never a good thing. I hope she provides options for those people she thinks won’t enjoy her choice of cuisine. 

Post # 220
Member
67 posts
Worker bee

@peachacid:  No, it’s not wierd, but as others have stated if she and her Fiance aren’t Indian, an entirely Indian meal will be unexpected to her guests.  Some may find it a pleasant surprise, but she thinks 1/3 of her guest list won’t eat it.  And w/o another option there won’t be anything for them to eat at the reception.

When you go out to eat, you can usually find something to eat that doesn’t have black pepper on it, right?  How about when you go to a reception?  But what if everything was covered in it?  I’d go hungry too, I am not a fan of the stuff either!

So I agree with the advice that she should seriously consider providing a more traditional dinner option, limit the Indian cuisine to apps, etc.

 

Post # 221
Member
5974 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

@peachacid:  Please see post 171 so that I don’t need to write everything out again. I am not picky, however, I do not like Indian food.

Post # 222
Member
5974 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

@fishbone:  +1 (specifically to 207 but in general to all of your posts)! I’m just not understanding this at all. I generally refrain from posting too much on threads like these because I can see both sides but on this one I just don’t get it at all. I want my guests to be happy and have a great time. If that means giving them a different food option because they don’t feel comfortable trying something than I would happily do this. I’m not going to sit and judge then because I think they should try new foods or because I think they are too picky.

Post # 223
Member
3457 posts
Sugar bee

I think when people are claiming sensitivity to “spicy” foods, it’s not necessarily about the heat of it. Spices like turmeric, cumin, anise, cardomom, coriander, and saffron may be hard for some people’s stomachs who are not used to them. Then there is the ample amounts of ghee. Even plain tandoori chicken will have a lot of spices, thought it may not be hot or “spicy.”

I freaking love Indian food, but I don’t think a host should dictate people eat these  things knowing that they may have sensitivities towards these kinds of spices. If you do serve Indian food, you should definitely have a few more “traditional” choices. 

Post # 224
Member
6257 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

@FauxBoho:  um … +10000

Post # 225
Member
2567 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@peachacid:  Apparently I missed the new rule that “if it’s not Indian food, it must therefore be bland, boring and unimaginative”.    It’s entirely possible to serve well-seasoned, delicious food that isn’t your run-of-the-mill wedding food, isn’t dull, and isn’t bland AND still manages not to alienate a third of the guests.   If anyone feels that the only alternative to an Indian menu is bland boring food, I’m happy to recommend some cookbooks, as there is an incredible range of choice out there that is also quite familar to those who are not as adventurous as others.

 My point– which so many people are missing– it is NOT about the spiciness at all. It is about the unfamiliarity of ingredients which the OP herself admits she’s worried that a third of her guests will not enjoy.   

View original reply
@KC-2722:  “Choosing the food at your own wedding is not considered not caring about your guests. Think about how silly that sounds, it’s YOUR day, not the people you’ve  invited to share it withs”

Think about how silly it sounds to say “I like these people well enough that I want to celebrate with them, but I don’t care if they hate their dinner or not BECAUSE I’M THE BRIDE AND IT’S MY DAY!

 

 

So here’s a little thinking exercise.  Which menu do you think would go over better, imagining a vegan couple celebrating their wedding in your average American small city or town with at least 30% average non-vegetarians in the group? By average non-vegetarians I mean the average type of person who can name 3 or 4 different kinds of mushrooms but isn’t going out of their way to find exotic vegetables to try.

 

Option 1 would feature cherimoya, cactus, chayote, and seaweed

 

Option 2 would feature vegan pesto, heirloom tomatoes, wild mushrooms, and chard

 

If people can’t identify something, they generally do not want to eat it.

There is also a HUGE difference between incorporating a few exotic new tastes into a properly balanced menu, and having an “all one style of thing” menu where there is no choice for those who find it not to their liking.

 

Post # 226
Member
5879 posts
Bee Keeper

@fishbone:  Think about how silly it sounds to say “I like these people well enough that I want to celebrate with them, but I don’t care if they hate their dinner or not BECAUSE I’M THE BRIDE AND IT’S MY DAY!

It’s not silly, its the new generation bridal etiquette. Everything is about you and only you, guests be damned. Didn’t you get the memo?


The topic ‘Reception Food choice might cause guests to not come’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors