(Closed) Reception food etiquette question

posted 6 years ago in Food
Post # 3
Member
6124 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

hor d’oeurves, cake, and champagne for toasting s perfectly fine

No it is not rude to NOT have a meal at all, however there are some rules…

HOWEVER…. what time of day you have this is all key in making it proper etiquette. 

If you want a evening shindig, then the apps have to be heavy apps enough to be a meal (can get $$).

If you have it in the afternoon, then this is totally fine and works.  However, if you have people flying in for your wedding, they might expect a little more than an afternoon cake and apps.

 

So what time were you thinking and how many Out of Town guests do you have?

ETA: I see you said 2pm. I think it’s totally fine, but if you have a large # of people flying in they might expect something more.

Post # 4
Member
4352 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I think you should have the reception you can afford. A full meal is definitely better, especially if most of your guests are from out of town. But if you can’t afford that and the guest list then you can’t afford it. I would tell your mom that you would love to offer a full meal but can’t afford it. Come prepared with the cost difference between your proposal (appetizers, cake and champagne) and hers (full meal). If she is willing to adjust her budget to fit in the full meal then I wouldn’t complain about having one. 

Post # 5
Member
393 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I think heavy hor d’oeurves, champagne and cake is good enough. You could mention that on your invititation so people won’t be expecting a full meal. Although I think that a reception like that would go by faster than one with a full meal. But if your mom wants to pay for a full meal, I would let her do it 🙂

Post # 9
Member
6124 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Is this something you could pay yourself? It seems when parents pitch in money they get to control things (rightly), but stuff can come with strings.

But seems like you got her to agree to “tiny budget DIY wedding, but with everyone invited, then she could pay part of the down payment.” – although with some headbutting!

I read some of your old posts and it seems like this is not going to be a fun adveture with your mother.  If and your Fiance paid for it, you get to have control over it all!

Post # 10
Member
4352 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@Melvin8: Just to be clear, you are using the same rule for both families right? (It sounds like your parents, grandparents, siblings, aunts, uncles and cousins.) As long as the rule is consistent I really don’t think your mom can throw a fit about the fact his grandparents and aunts and uncles had more kids than your grandparents and aunts and uncles. I would tell her she has two options: A) pay for the meal and stop complaining about how expensive it is or B) take your solution of appetizers, champagne and cake and enjoy the smaller budget. 

Post # 12
Member
6124 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

@Melvin8:  Yeah, this might be tricky.  Wouldn’t it be nice if she just let you plan the wedding you want and then gave you a wedding gift of a downpayment?  Then you get what you want and a lovely gift.  I wonder if you can get her to see that. 

 

I realize I’m having a convo with you on two posts!

Post # 13
Member
11752 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I think it’s okay as long as it is heavy hor dourves (think carving and/or pasta station, along with hot and cold, passed and stationary hor dourves).  you will have to have about 10 pieces pp is pretty standard for hor dourves without a meal. It can get pretty pricy though. We just priced out a heavy cocktail party vs. a full plated meal vs. a buffet for our rehersal dinner, and the price difference was minimal.

Post # 16
Member
915 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I recently went to a wedding with only heavy appetizers. I was not looking forward to it ONLY becuase the ceremony was at 4:30 with the reception following unil 11:00… I didn’t eat a single thing because I just didn’t feel right standing there eating a mini lamb chop, lots of people did eat though and actually they ran out of food. Overall people were really drunk and hungry.  Think as long as your hours aren’t as long as the wedding I went to and people are aware it will be fine.

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