Post # 1
So my parents divorced when I was very young, my mother remarried and my dad has been with his partner (esseentially my stepmom, they’re just not married) since I was young. So I was raised with these four parents.
The wrinkle, two years ago my mom and step dad split and the divorce just became official. There is a LOT of anger and hostility there, if given the option my mom wouldn’t want my now ex-stepdad to even be there but he raised me just as much as my birth father so that isn’t an option. Both of them (mom and ex-stepdad) are in relationships (again my mom doesn’t want the girlfriend there but she has accepted that it is happening).
So how do I do introductions? Originally I was thinking only birth parents (leaving out my unofficial stepmom and ex-stepdad) but I feel really bad leaving out my stepmom. I don’t feel as bad about my ex-stepdad because he is going to be the MC and he will be introduced by the DJ when he comes up plus as MC will have recognition.
Then I was thinking having my dad and stepmom introduced, followed by my mom (escorted by the bf) but I don’t really feel comfortable with this new guy (which I like but I don’t know if they are serious and at this point in my life its not like he’ll ever be a father figure) getting an introduction. I know having my mom walk in on her own would be unacceptable (by her, and might finally break her).
I feel like having the three of them (mom, dad and stepmom) walk in together is a slap in the face to my ex-stepdad (seems like he is obviously being left out).
I don’t know what to do, I want to respect them all, they all raised me and I love them all. But I don’t know what to do
Post # 2
Do you HAVE to do intros? That seems like a 10 minute long intro just for parents lol.
Post # 3
nicocart : I don’t think you have to have your parents introduced at the wedding reception. You can skip it and keep it simple to just introducing the wedding party or just the bride and groom. We introduced the wedding party and that was it and then we were introduced.
Post # 4
I didn’t even think of introducing our parents at the wedding. Family knew who they were. Most of our friends do too and those that didn’t might have met them that night or didn’t really need to know who they were. I think especially in your situation the introductions would be long, complicated and weird. If you or your husband are going to give a little thank you speech you could just “thank all of the people who helped raise you”. Or run through all of their names without explaining the divorces and marriages. It isn’t really important info for your guests. If you want them part of the ceremony procession they could just each walk in with their partners, no announcement about it as they walk in. Your mom and ex step dad could walk in with a sibling or grand parent or something since their partners are new and not really special to you.
Post # 5
Anyone who cares to know who your parents are, already knows them. Anyone who doesn’t know who your parents are, likely doesn’t care. Therefore introductions are unnecessary.
Post # 6
I’ve never seen parents announced into a wedding reception! Definitely not mandatory. You could skip intros altogether or just do yourselves and bridal party. At our wedding we didn’t want a giant long introducing of everyone (we had a big bridal party and it just seemed annoying for everyone) so we just had everyone take their seat and then had only ourselves (bride and groom) announced. Even that we really only did as a way to get everyone to sit down and mark the official start of dinner.
Post # 7
nicocart : It’s not necessary and given the complexity here, I’d skip it entirely.
Post # 8
Introduce your biological parents only, but individually acknowledge the steps when you give them a bout or corsage. Give them a warm and heartfelt thanks for helping to raise you and for support over the years. But that doesn’t have to be done in front of an audience.
I divorced when my kids were young. I’d want them to respect and honor the steps… but not the same as a biological parent unless the bio parent wasn’t involved or was a bad parent.
My ex’s wife is involved with the kids and we have a great relationship… but nothing should put her on the same level as the woman who chose to carry her, give birth and who can never be divorced away out of their lives. I feel the same as my ex. He’s their dad.
Post # 9
I have never seen parents introduced at a reception. The closest I’ve come is parents at a receiving line and then they introduce themselves to people they don’t know. (Oh, thank you for coming. I’m so-and-so’s mom and this is my husband Bill. So you work with groom?).
For what it is worth, I’ve also never seen the wedding party introduced except on YouTube videos and shows like Four Weddings. (In case that is also on the agenda.) No one cares and no one wants to sit through 10 minutes of intros. They came to see you get married, not watch your parents and friends walk down an aisle and stand in place. I’d skip the whole introduction thing. People can be introduced if they are actually doing something (“And now the Maid/Matron of Honor, Bride’s best friend Jill, will give a toast.”)
Post # 10
If you really want to do introductions, I’d have your mom escorted in by her bf, and introduced something like this: “Bride’s mother Jane Doe, escorted by John Doe.” So it’s not really him getting an introduction, more like she is being introduced and it’s being announced who she’s being esorted by.
But personally, I’d probably skip introductions of the parents at all.
Post # 11
I’ve never seen parent introductions. Problem solved.
Post # 12
nicocart : it sounds like you should skip introductions all together and skip having them specially seated before the wedding. Reserve the first row as normal but have them seat themselves at the same time as others are sitting as opposed to having them seated last before the ceremony starts. If any of them complain I would just be blunt to them that the whole situation is mixed up and messed up and it’s too much too explain to a crowd that is there to see you get married, not there for your parents’ complex back story.
I’ve never had a step dad but if I did and really did raise me just as much as my real dad then when it’s his time to give a speech I would introduce him as your step-dad even though hes divorced your mom. Unfortunately there’s not a simple term for “ex-step dad that still feels like a father figure.” But your birth dad didnt stop being “dad” after the divorce right?
As far as MC introductions at the reception, again have them all just sit down and only introduce the newlyweds and bridesmaids/ groomsmen. If you insist on introducing some of them then I’d tell my mom to get over herself and include ex step-dad in the intro but not new stepdad and only real dad’s Girlfriend if you have a bond with her. Its YOUR day. They can deal with it.
Post # 13
- Wedding: December 2018 - City, State
Ive never seen parents introduced… only bridal party
Post # 14
nicocart : the only time I’ve seen parents introduced is when they are sitting on the official table with the bridal party and bride and groom.
Normally at every wedding I’ve been to where the parents are not sitting on the official table, they are not introduced as they are already sitting down with the rest of the guests. The MC then introduces only flower girls, page boys, bridesmaids, groomsmen and the bride and groom last.
I assume that with all the complicated relationships all parents are not sitting on the official table with you. If that’s case don’t introduce any parents and just do a bridal party grand entrance.
Post # 15
Why do they have to be introduced at all? It’s not their wedding, or a TV game show..
Cant they just sit down like everyone else?
the whole bridal party and family intro / walk in thing always seems weird to me. As a guest, I don’t really care who the bridal party is…only the bride and groom are getting married.