(Closed) Reciprocal Bridesmaids?

posted 12 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
711 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009 - St. Thomas of Villanova Church & the F.U.E.L. House

One of my BMs was married while I was in grad school.  I was my sister’s Maid/Matron of Honor.  And my other two BMs aren’t engaged yet.  My three bridal attendants aren’t engaged yet, but one is very close!  I really wouldn’t be offended if I’m not picked for anyone’s wedding — I know how much work is involved, and would be content to lend a hand as a friend.  (Much more wallet-friendly, too!)

Post # 4
491 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2009

I had 5 bridesmaids (2 of them sister in laws and I was in their weddings).  The remaining 3 I would be a little hurt if I wasn’t asked to be in their wedding.  I dont feel that its always a reciprocal thing, but in general you ask your closest friends…. wouldn’t you think that you would be their closest friend and be asked to stand with them?

Post # 6
494 posts
Helper bee

I have a really tight-knit family.  If I didn’t ask my sisters and if they didn’t ask me there would be some drama!

Post # 7
10 posts
  • Wedding: December 2015

None of my bridesmaids are married yet.  I had 5 ladies, and I think I’ll probably be in at least 3 of their weddings.

Sometimes it really just depends on the type or size of wedding they’re having, or how many family and friends they have and their Fiance has, so I don’t think I’d be offended if I wasn’t in all of their weddings.

Post # 8
1106 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010 - Tannery Pond at the Darrow School

I’ll probably be in 2 out of my 4 bridesmaids weddings but I’m not offended that I’m not in the other ones…I understand, esp bc one has a sister, which automatically takes a spot and I just think it wouldn’t upset me because I understand that sometimes, it just doesn’t work, especially if the party is staying small (4 or under, which at least one of them will be…) so yeah, no biggie… 🙂

Post # 9
442 posts
Helper bee

I’ve only been in one wedding. And to be honest, she’s really my only girl friend right now. I’ve already discussed with her that we may not have any attendants at all, and she’s totally cool. She knows how much she means to me regardless. If she hadn’t chosen me, I wouldn’t have been hurt because she would have had good reasons.

Previously, I was offended when one of my high school best buddies got married right after graduation – not only did she not choose me (even though I was her best friend at the time), but she chose girls that she literally hadn’t spoken to for years. I didn’t even get a wedding announcement, as they cancelled the wedding at the last minute and went to the courthouse. Imagine my suprise when she called to say they got married and asked where her gift was!?!?

Post # 10
41 posts
  • Wedding: November 2009

I was in a friends wedding two summer’s ago but I was #7 out of 8 bridesmaids.  I’m only having three (my sister and two very best friends) so I explained to her that we were keeping it small and she would absolutely be next in line if we were having a bigger wedding party.  I think she understood…her reply was “I’ll be there for you, whether in a bridesmaid’s dress or not!” 

Post # 11
1530 posts
Bumble bee

I had an Maid/Matron of Honor (my sis) and 3 BM-K, J & B.  I expect to by my sister’s Maid/Matron of Honor someday.  I was a bridesmaid for K’s wedding 4 years ago.  I wasn’t in J’s wedding, but I did a reading at her ceremony.  I was a little bummed that she didn’t ask me, actually.  I would guess that if B has Bridesmaid or Best Man when she gets married, I’d be one.  She’s pretty low key so I could see her forgoing the wedding party.

I’ve been in 2 weddings where I was a Bridesmaid or Best Man (other than my friend K’s).  I didn’t even invite one of those girls to my wedding (no falling out, we just haven’t talked in years).  The other girl was invited, but not part of our wedding party.  We were college friends and kind of drifted apart over the years. 

Post # 12
483 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I’ve never been a Bridesmaid or Best Man and I’m the first out of my friends to get married. I have 6 BMs and I honestly expect to be part of their weddings. I’m with you, Peng. Unless they decide not to have a Bridal Party or have just family, I would be hurt if they didn’t choose me. Also, there is always a chance of growing apart, although these girls have been friends of mine for years (2 have been friends of mine for 18 years…I don’t think they’re going anywhere). I have a feeling Future Sister-In-Law is next to get engaged, and I know I’ll be part of hers (which I can’t WAIT for!!)

Post # 13
253 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

I had 3 Maid and a Jr.  I had been a maid for all 3 of mine, and a maid for the mother of the Jr.  So…100%.  However, I didn’t include ALL the girls I’ve been a bridesmaid for otherwise it could’ve wound up looking like 27 dresses up there 🙂

Post # 14
24 posts

I’m not engaged yet, but am pretttty sure my current guy is “the one” and therefore have been planning my wedding (only in my head!!!) for a little while.  I have 2 sisters, he has 1 sister, and I have 3 best friends from high school that will absolutely be in my wedding party.  That makes 6 bridesmaids, which I think is the perfect number.

However, I am currently a bridesmaid in my roommate’s wedding.  She is a friend from college, and although we are close I have a few girls from college that I would say I’m closer to.  I’m already worried about not choosing her to be one of my BMs, and wonder how offended she would be. 

If I kept it at siblings/longest-known friends, none of my college girls would be offended.  If I added her to the wedding party, not only would it be a little larger than I’d like, but my other college friends might be offended.  At the same time, though, I don’t want to offend her by not asking her since I was her Bridesmaid or Best Man.  Hopefully she’ll be understanding!

Post # 15
1387 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I have 6 Bridesmaid or Best Man and 4 of them are already married and I served as bridesmaids for 3 of those weddings.  When the remaining 2 get married, I suspect I will be asked to be a bridesmaid as well. 

Post # 16
3674 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

my sister and my sister in law are in my wedding. i was in my sister in law’s wedding, and my sister isn’t married yet, but we’re super close and we’ve already talked about me being her moh, she’s mine. the only person’s wedding that i’m going to be in is a good friend of mine in november, but i’m keeping my wedding very small so i didn’t ask her to be in mine. i didn’t really discuss it with her, but she knows it’s just family in my party, and she’s not the type to be petty or jealous, so i’m not worried. we’re just happy that we get to do all of our wedding planning together.

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