Post # 1
I have been waiting for a proposal, and think it is coming soon. The process getting to this point has been rough, and I fear I will always question whether I forced him to propose to apease my needs. I want to marry him, but only if HE wants to, not just because it will make me happy. Marriage is a new idea for him, because he never though he would get married (his parents never married).
My solution to calming my fears and making a romantic gesture to him is to propose back to him.
The idea is to wait for a few months after he proposes, so the reality can sink in and he has time to really think about if he is comfortable being engaged, then propose to him in a really romantic way (probably make him his favorite dessert, say lovely things, maybe present a photobook of us and then ask him to marry me). I have ordered a Canadian coin ring from etsy, and would present it to him. He is a coin buff and used to have a large collection, and still loves looking at old coins.
I think this will be a great way for both of us to be sure we are both on the same page before planning makes us crazy, but I’m really nervous. Whenever we are unsure, or scared, or anything we always say to each other, “Remember, we are on the same team.” So, I think it would be a great way to move into marriage… as a team.
What do you think?
Post # 3
You sound like me. I know the first thing I’m going to say when he proposes is “Are you doing this because you want to or because you know I want to?”
I think proposing back to him is a great idea! Keep us posted on your proposal and his!
Post # 4
If you feel like you need do it to double check his feelings for you, you’re never going to be sure.
I love the gesture and contemplated it myself, but more out of “hey, he deserves a romantic surprise too!” rather than a “if you’re having second thoughts, here is your chance…” kind of deal. If he proposes, he loves you, he wants to marry you. Accept it! And surprise him for fun!
Post # 5
@Roe: I like the idea because it is on opportunity for me to do something romantic for him. Proposing is also an opportunity for me to know that he is now comfortable with the idea of marriage, and is sure he wants to marry me.
Post # 6
Sounds like a cute idea. But are you sure you need to ask him why he’s proposing?
Post # 7
I understand your reasoning on both counts.
What I’m saying is that if you’re doubting his feelings for you even after he has proposed to you, proposing back to him will not make you stop doubting it, no matter what his answer is.
Deciding to propose is a huge decision for someone and your SO will have thought about it in depth already. If you think he’s not comfortable with marriage or you are wondering if you’re pressuring him into something that he doesn’t want, then you should discuss this with him.The outcome of that discussion would make you more certain than proposing back to him would.
I’m not saying don’t make the gesture. I’m saying I don’t think that the outcome will ever make you certain of his feelings for you if you can’t trust that he loves you and wants to marry you when he asks.
Post # 8
@Roe: I see. That makes sense. I will talk with him to make sure. We are pretty good about talking to each other so it shouldn’t be a problem.