Post # 1
My friend got engaged a month before my fiance and I did, and set the date a month before our wedding. No problems with this, all good here since they’re both very different styles and in different parts of the East Coast.
1) She just asked me to be in her bridal party yesterday. Not sure I know her well enough anymore to be her bridesmaid. We used to be really great friends, but there was a falling out a few years ago in relation to her now-ex-boyfriend. We have gotten closer since we both got engaged, but we only talk about wedding stuff.
2) I chose my bridal party a two months ago (these are women I speak to weekly and have been consistently close to for 8 or 9 years). Way back when we used to be close, we told each other we’d be in each other’s weddings, regardless of who got married first, but a lot has changed since we made that promise to each other. She told me that I “should really start thinking about putting my bridal party together”, not knowing that she was not going to be a bridesmaid. Of special note is the fact that she is a big reason my fiance and I got together (they were co-workers, we were sorority sisters, she introduced me to him during their annual x-mas party).
1) Knowing you had your own wedding to plan for (as in the time/money commitment may be a bit much), but that this person was someone you used to be very very close to (but no longer are), would you say yes to being their Bridesmaid? If not, how would you say no?
On the flip side, did one of your bridesmaids say no? Did you grow further apart because of it? How would you have liked them to tell you no (ie what would have been the most effective yet thoughtful way to have heard it)?
2) Knowing that this person was partially responsible for your being with you Fiance, how would you tactfully and kindly inform them that have already chosen your bridesmaids and she was not one of them. Or would you try to add her in?
Thank you in advance!
Post # 3
1) I was asked to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man in a wedding about 1.5 months before mine. I was surprised since she was the Fiance of my FI’s best friend and we had only recently gotten close. I said yes, but the wedding was called off. I wouldn’t have had any issues with being a Bridesmaid or Best Man though.
2) If this wedding had gone through, I probably would have asked her to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man of mine EVEN though I wouldn’t have picked her otherwise. Just to avoid awkwardness…maybe I’m not the best person to ask lol.
Post # 4
OK when I first got engaged I really didn’t want to have a certain family member as a bridesmaid as I only wanted my friends. But now that I’m getting closer to getting married, the more the merrier. Honestly if I thought someone wanted to be my Bridesmaid or Best Man I would have asked them.
I wouldn’t have minded if someone told me no that they didn’t want to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man. If you really don’t want to do it, just tell her that you’re planning your own wedding and time/money are in short supply.
Post # 5
1. If you’re not close to them, I wouldn’t do it. I’m in my best friend’s wedding, which is a month after mine was, and it’s been stressful. Money has been tight and I wish I could do more for her, but obviously, I had my own wedding to deal with. Planning parties has been kind of exhausting. Unless you’re best friends, it’s not a good idea.
Post # 6
1. I wouldn’t feel bad for declining the Bridesmaid or Best Man position. Afterall you do have your own wedding to plan and pay for. Plus I’m sure she has other equally close friends who will make up for not having you there. I would politely decline due to the obvious schedule conflict of planning your own wedding.
None of my bridesmaids said “no” but I was a Bridesmaid or Best Man once and if I would have known how much time, money, and attention that goes into being a Bridesmaid or Best Man I would have declined. I didn’t know you could decline nor did I know how.
2. I don’t know that you NEED to inform her that she’s not in the bridal party. Has she straight-out asked you “Am I going to be in your wedding?” Unless it comes up that way I don’t think you need to bring it up. If she does approach you about it I would be honest. We’re all adults and should act and respond like adults. I hope she doesn’t have a pity party for it.
Post # 7
One of my good friends said no to me. Which I was a little sad about but she is getting married this year and they are going to be starting a family and she doesn’t want to say yes incase she cannot travel. Which is totally understandable. We still talk wedding all of the time and it hasn’t affected our relation ship in the least bit.
So for if you should ask her because you felt like you had to and you shouldn’t say yes for the same reason. There is alot to take on in being part of a wedding.
I would not say that you don’t feel that close to her any more to her face, but just say something along the lines of:
Your wedding is taking up alot of your energy and time, you just don’t know if you are able to commit to everything that a bridesmaid is required to do seeing as the dates are so close. Tell her that you were honored that she would ask you and you really charish her friendship.
I declined being a bridesmaid once too and our friendship is still going strong. I declined because my ex was in her hubbies wedding party and we had just broken up (We dated for 3 and a half years and it wasn’t a clean break.) So I sat her down and I told her that I know we are really good friends and I felt honored that she would consider me for a brides maid but I had to decline. I didn’t want any drama. She was totally understanding. I ended up being in it anyways and that is another story….
Post # 8
I would say yes – and I would add her to the bridal party.
I ended up with three extra bridesmaids than I originally would have had because their feelings were hurt that they weren’t included. Just take it as a flattering thing that she wants to be there for yall. Being a bridesmaid can be a pain sometimes, so it means she cares about you!
Post # 9
I asked who I thought was one of my close friends to a a Bridesmaid or Best Man in my wedding. She had allready asked me to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man in her wedding in October (4 months after mine) wedding.
She declined because she had just moved accross the country and it would be too much to fly back and forth (I totally get that) and was bummed but not too bad.
A month later she called me and de-bridesmaided me and is no longer my friend.
So apparently me getting married before her was a complete NO-No. Seriously, July vs. October isn’t even that close in dates????
Anyways, she’s no longer my friend. Weird, and I didnt do ANYTHING except schedule my wedding before hers. And no, I didn’t invite her to my wedding and she didnt invite me to hers.
Post # 10
I spoke to her on Friday, and let her know my concerns of time & money, especially with my own wedding coming up. She totally understood, and let me know that I would only need to be there for support and with her on the day of her wedding.
I decided to say yes and become her Bridesmaid or Best Man, because I really do appreciate the opportunity to reconnect with her.
I also asked her to be a part of wedding service. I didn’t mention anything about my BMs and she didn’t ask. Hopefully it doesn’t come up in the future.
Thank you bees for all your advice! I really appreciate it!
Now off to a late lunch with the Future Mother-In-Law (whole other story )
Post # 11
Stay strong…there is nothing that says you have to reciprocate. I had 1 and it was my sister. It made it easier, but my sister is getting married in Sept and has 4. My only issue was not putting my girlfriends out (they were all in graduate school, or lived further away). My sister is in a sorority and feels pressured and I told her to stay strong, but 4 is a managable number. I saw a wedding with 8 and that seemed a bit much. Right?