Post # 1
We’re both 25. My boyfriend has a Ford F-150 that gets maybe 14mpg. I have a mazda3 that’s gets 35mpg.
I commute for nursing school a lot (140 miles round trip, 1-2 times a week) and am not making hardly any income, working MAYBE 16 hours a week due to school schedule and demand. He makes ~$85k a year and commutes about 30miles round trip twice a week
So we’ve had a reoccurring argument about who’s vehicle to take to certain places. A couple weeks ago we wanted to go on a hike ~45 min away. I said I didn’t want to take my car because I had driven 300 miles that week. He got frustrated because he said it made zero sense to take his truck that gets such bad gas mileage when mine is way better. I said okay we can take my car but can you pay for gas? He said he’d give me $6 for the two gallons I’d go through. We ended up taking his truck and it was an argument the entire way there.
Today he says he wants to go downtown (45min and traffic) to pick up his snowboard from a shop. I said I’d go with and he says “okay can we take your car? It makes more sense driving in traffic and to find parking ” I said no. To me it’s bullshit to take my car to run HIS errand, when I put so many miles on it and am not anywhere near financially secure. I know I’m being petty, but I honestly think it’s stupid. I said we could take it if he wouldn’t mind putting $10 in it to fill it up. He said he’d put in whatever was used for the trip. We are in his truck now lol.
I think both of our egos are getting in the way here. So outside views would help a lot. Thanks!
Post # 2
I do see his point, but if he’s so concerned about milage, why did he get such a gas guzzling truck?? I’d tell him that’s the price he pays for his choice of car, esp for his errands. Or to quit being cheap and sellfish and pony up some cash for topping off the tank plus wear and tear. Is he always this cheap? Does he make up for it by paying for other stuff and just petty about this? On the other hand, if your guys are serious, then when ever benefits “him” (saving gas money on his truck), should theoretically benefit you as well in the future if you guys have the mindset of all joint assets. If you wont be all joint, or havent had that discussion, I’d recommemd you do it soon so this doesnt become an everyday issue for shared expenses and stuff.
Post # 3
- Wedding: May 2019 - City, State
So, it does make more sense in those scenarios to take your car more places…but he should be offering to top off the gas for you, and not just pay for the exact gas he’s using.
There’s just no reason for him to be that petty if he’s making a comfortable salary. I don’t blame you for not wanting to take your car if he refuses to help pay for gas, I’d be a little miffed too. You asked hm for $10 worth of gas…I don’t understand why that’s not acceptable for him. Do you guys live together or share finances?
Post # 4
I’m opposite of your mentality. I always want to take the car with better gas mileage. But it should be common sense that the person whose errand it is pays for gas. And I’d ask him to drive since I commute more.
Is he really that much of a penny pincher that he won’t fill up your tank?
Do you really want to be with someone that is that selfish with their money?
Post # 5
It doesn’t sound like you have an “us” mentality. I agree with his argument both times but he should top off your gas. Do you live together? Share finances? Plan to have a future together? Your argument only makes sense of you’re not planning on moving forward with the relationship.
Post # 6
You’re both in the wrong here.
You should let him take your car due to the better mileage
He should fill up your tank when he uses your car
Post # 7
He makes 85k. At 16 hours a week you must make ~15-20k a year? And he doesn’t offer to gas up your car??? This is weird. To be honest the fact that you two are arguing so much over 20 dollars is weird. How long have you been dating and how do you split up the rest of your spendings? If he usually pays for most of your outings (since he’s the bigger earner) maybe he feels like you’re being a little stingy not wanting to pay an extra 10$ of gas?
Post # 8
Thanks for the responses so far. So we’ve been together for 2.5 years, living together for a year. We split rent evenly and usually do “every other” for meals. He does pick up maybe a litttllleee bit more than I do it terms of outings. And offers to pay for certain things.
I know it makes more “sense” to take my car- but yeah the fact that he will only pay me back the exact amount is what annoys me. I also realize that I’m not looking at this as an “us” situation, but as a “him vs. me”, which is what’s causing the problem. But we aren’t married…. and so far we have been looking at everything else as separate in terms of rent and food.
I’m just frustrated that he doesn’t seem to even understand where I’m coming from. Financial discussions have been our main issue lately, since I’m not making enough to even cover my bills. So idk if that’s why I’m getting so annoyed or what. It’s that weird limbo between dating and being married. What’s yours and what’s mine?? How much do I “give up”? Ugh
Post # 9
You aren’t engaged or married. With the disparity in your incomes, I find his behavior to be both entitled and cheap. I especially dislike the fact that he’s fighting with you about this even after you shared your concerns. Red flags, IMO.
Post # 10
SVandy60918 : So she’s supposed to just let him use up her car whenever he wants, so she’s ‘commited’ To the relationship, even though there’s nothing at all to protect her financially AND he doesn’t behave in a reciprocal way?
This is how women screw themselves over, time and time again. From little crap like this to paying down someone else’s mortgage when your names not on the damn deed.
Post # 11
The most concerning part to me is his penny pinching. I don’t think the guy has an obligation to pay for more than the woman but I couldn’t be with someone that nickled and dimed ME like that. It would be a deal breaker
Post # 12
amilly435 : You don’t have an ‘us’ mentality about this AND NEITHER DOES HE. You are not required to sacrifice yourself on the altar of ‘us’, and it’s particular appalling for people suggest that you should when he doesn’t.
If HE had an ‘us’ mentality about this he’d be offering to top off your tank. Not just agreeing to it when you suggest it, but volunteering. Hell, if he really had an ‘us’ mentality, you probably wouldn’t be splitting the bills evenly with such a dramatic disparity of income.
Post # 13
When my husband and I started dating we were in similar situation. I was in school in negative money even and he had a comfortable job. We would usually take my car because it was bigger and more comfortable then his also better gas. He would always drive because he thinks my driving is scary. He would fill up my tank every maybe 3rd or 4th time we went somewhere and he mostly paid for dates but I usually tries to reciprocate with baths at home for him or cooking his fav food or some nice things that I could afford. We still have saperate finances. That’s just what worked for us, we never per say sat and talked about it but we had the relationship mentality early on. You guys should sit and discuss what makes you both comfortable. Finances are number 1 reasons why people get divorce (from what I hear, I have not personally read this).
Post # 14
I’m on his side. I feel like you are the one being kinda petty :/ you put waaay more miles on your car and are upset about him putting 45 miles on it every now and again? When he offers to pay for the gas? Honestly if you were so standoffish and told me no and only gave in when I assured you I would pay for gas then I would make sure I only paid the exact amount out of spite. How rude. You guys WILL be sharing things as a married couple. And you already said he picks up a little extra in terms of finances (as I feel he should with such a large pay discrepancy) but that also means you need to let go a little when he asks you for what is a very simple and logical favor, especially since he’s willing to cover what he uses. If the mileage is that worrisome to you maybe ask for an oil change or a tune up?
If I went to ask my boyfriend, who has a jeep, if I could use his car to haul some furniture and he told me no and only let me use it once I told him I would pay for the gas (and then some? Since you apparently want him to top it off after each use?) I would be so incredibly hurt and offended. It’s a simple favor. His car makes more sense. Why should I top off his tank if I don’t use that much gas?
Post # 15
Sephiroth : agree 100%!
amilly435 : you have little money and need the car to get to school to secure your future. You guys are just dating at this point, no actual commitment…Who knows what the future holds? Wear and tear on your car is a big issue as well as the gas. I doubt Mr Cheapskate will be willing to help you with tires, oil change or a repair for your car when the time comes either! Let him use his gas guzzling truck for *his* errands. You use your car for *your* errands. *Alternate* vehicles when it is a joint trip/errand. Keep track because I suspect he will continue to try to use your car..