(Closed) Recurring argument- Who’s car to take?

posted 10 months ago in Relationships
Post # 16
Member
405 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2020 - City, State

Given what he earns, it’s silly that he’s not willing to make sure you get a bit more gas when you guys use your vehicle. It really comes off as a selfish person on his part. 

 

I was actually in a semi-similar situation with my ex, who was VERY selfish. For two years, he worked 30 miles from our home and instead of taking his Ford F-150, he drove my sedan daily. We had a son, and were not married, but together, so I did not balk about it since I worked from home and hardly needed to drive.  BUT when we’d go to visit my dad about three hours away, I paid for all the gas, which was fine by me, BUT, he expected me to fill up the tank when we returned. Made no sense, as he’d be driving it to work on Monday morning. So even when I’d fill the tank upon our departure, he’d want it filled on my dime again. 

Post # 17
Member
4035 posts
Honey bee

SVandy60918 :  An “us” mentality? What us? He’s just a boyfriend at this point. There is no “us”. What there is, is a cheap, stingy man. Save yourself the aggravation and break up with him now. You can’t fix cheap(and please note that cheap does not equal frugal). I know I sound extreme, but I don’t care. I can deal with a lot of flaws, but cheap isn’t one of them.

Post # 18
Member
164 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2019

This reminds me of the relationship my mother had after she broke up with my father. He was a complete narcissist and they had a similar situation where he earnt more but chose an incredibly inconvenient vehicle. He used to drive my mother’s car all the time and after a while made her feel like it was just a given that she’d be walked all over like that. One time he backed into a pole and caused damage to the rear of the car – then kept saying he would pay to get it fixed but put that on the back burner pretty fast because it was ‘her’ car. When they broke up it still wasn’t fixed. 

I don’t think you are in the wrong here at all. If he wants to take your car for his errands he can pay for fuel AND a bit extra that you can put away for servicing as a low income earner. If you are going on a joint trip together, and always take your car because he made an inconvenient choice with his truck, then he should pay something like 75%. But I mean generally he should just be willing to be a little bit more generous in relationships, not penny pinching. E.g. he offers to pay half for gas and then buys you lunch or something. Running up miles on your car because of his life decisions is unfair. 

 

Post # 19
Member
922 posts
Busy bee

My advice? Dump him. He is petty, cheap, and lacks compassion. He makes $85k and will give you exactly $6 for gas (never mind the wear & tear on your car) while the car he spent his money on proves to be an indulgent & wasteful purchase. If he’s SOOOO concerned about gas mileage he wouldn’t be driving a gas guzzling truck. He doesn’t want to put the miles/ wear and tear on HIS car so he’s racking up the miles on yours….doing HIS errands. SMH. 

 

And you go halvsies on living expenses despite the fact he makes 4-5X your income? Girl, you’re allowing yourself to go broke with inadequate savings while he builds wealth. Shut that shit down now. 

 

When you’re married, take the car with the best mileage because you *BOTH* own the car and have to pay for whatever expenses are associated with it.

 

When you’re *JUST* dating, he drives his car for errands, you drive yours. Split driving for dates & so forth but given the gigantic income disparity between you two, he should be driving 80% of the time. 

 

Miserly people rarely make good partners. 

 

 

 

Post # 20
Member
1960 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

Tbh  I totally agree with your boyfriend on both instances. 

I have a huge jeep and my friend last weekend couldn’t understand why I didn’t want to take my car to the extremely busy mall! Made her drive. My beast of a car is difficult to park at the best of times. Id already driven 30 mins to her house anyway 

Post # 21
Member
1043 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

The main problem is that he’s stingy. When there’s such a big financial disparity, he shouldn’t be quibbling with you over $10.

He’s right that it does make sense to take the car with better mileage, but he’s wrong in offering to reimburse *only* the gas. When I travel for work, I get reimbursed not only for gas but for the wear and tear on my vehicle. Every extra mile you drive is bringing you that much closer to needing a new car, and that part of the reimbursement actually ends up being considerably *more* than the gas. Choose a random reimbursement calculator and check what the rate per mile is; ours is something like 0.545 cents. So if you were driving 30 miles each way on an errand just for him, that would be over $30 total.

But again, if I had to calculate the mileage because my wealthier boyfriend was asking for costly favours, I wouldn’t be in that relationship much longer.

Post # 22
Member
6583 posts
Bee Keeper

Ah, the WB double standard strikes again. Somehow people are only fixated on the bf being cheap when he’s just doing EXACTLY WHAT THE OP REQUESTED.

” I said okay we can take my car but can you pay for gas? He said he’d give me $6 for the two gallons I’d go through.” 

“I said we could take it if he wouldn’t mind putting $10 in it to fill it up. He said he’d put in whatever was used for the trip.” 

How is it cheap when that’s literally all the OP asked??

OP is literally billing him, and somehow he is complying. OP is being petty AF. Why are only the MEN in relationships expected to be “generous”? OP could say she asked for half the grocery bill (splitting that lettuce) and most bees would still be saying the husband is cheap for not buying the whole bill. 

Post # 23
Member
1043 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

jellybellynelly :  It has nothing to do with gender, it has to do with the income disparity.

Post # 24
Member
6583 posts
Bee Keeper

BookishBee :  The higher earner apparently pays for more of their outings and “offers to pay for certain things” whatever that means. OP is still being petty and cheap, and somehow the bf is getting the blame because he doesnt shower her in cash?

Post # 25
Member
27 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2017

amilly435 :  To me this seems like two roommates going tit for tat over finances rather than a couple who share a home together. Did you move in together because it was financially convenient or because you both wanted to take the next step towards marriage? 

Post # 26
Member
1043 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

jellybellynelly :  I’m happy to repeat that it’s not acceptable to ask for financial favours from someone much worse off than you. If he’s not willing to cover the full cost of using her car on his personal errands, then he shouldn’t be asking to use it.

Post # 27
Member
519 posts
Busy bee

jellybellynelly :  I agree with you. I think it would be nice of him if he was to fill the gas tank completely but he is certainly not obligated to. Specially since they are going on a date and he is paying for gas, she can contribute by getting some “wear and tear” on her car. 

I think a much needed conversation is in order. Like a precious bee said, it sounds very tit for tat even from the OP point of view. 

Post # 28
Member
790 posts
Busy bee

jellybellynelly :  I stand by what I said, male or female. He’s nickle and diming her. “Can you pay for gas?” “Yes I’ll pay the EXACT amount I use.” Wtf is that..a normal response would be sure I’ll give you $10 or a $20 or whatever and it all comes out in the wash. I couldn’t deal with keeping a literal running total of who owes what.

Post # 29
Member
6583 posts
Bee Keeper

BookishBee :  Right, but its ok for the OP to bill her bf for km used and that’s not considered cheap or petty lol. Got it. 

Post # 30
Member
6583 posts
Bee Keeper

buzzerbeater :  So he’s paying for more of the outings and is now getting beat up because he doesnt pay for MORE gas than they use together? 

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