(Closed) Recurring argument- Who’s car to take?

posted 10 months ago in Relationships
Post # 31
Member
6602 posts
Bee Keeper

ashleyroo :  Right? If this was written from the male POV all the bees would be saying he’s cheap and should be more generous and not ask for half the gas, because THAT is nickle and diming and it comes out in the wash. I just can’t sometimes with the bee lol.

Post # 32
Member
243 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

 

I would be concerned that your Boyfriend or Best Friend is ok with buying a gas guzzler and being cheap and using you for your car. You are not even married. There is no “we” yet. I would launch. I make that recommendation on the fact that you are a student and don’t make much. If you made the same or more than him then you could be more generous but at this time you can’t.

Post # 34
Member
790 posts
Busy bee

jellybellynelly :  it’s not about paying more it’s about adding it up to the penny likes they’re in a business transaction rather than a relationship 

ETA: OPs update doesn’t make it sound like bf does this in other areas which is much less concerning. For this particular issue I would say just drive your cars on your errands period. No need for exchanging gas money then. That’s just his own consequences of choosing a more gas gussling vehicle.

Post # 35
Member
6442 posts
Bee Keeper

amilly435 :  Personally I wouldn’t stay with him.  IF you are living with him, he should be paying proportional to what each one makes.  He sounds like one of those 50/50 for everything but you aren’t making equal amounts of pay.  He’s making over quadruple what you make if you are making 20K and he is making 85K. and that’s just not how a relationship works.

Post # 36
Member
670 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2007 - City, State

amilly435 :  how does he tip when you go out to eat at restaurants? 

Post # 37
Member
286 posts
Helper bee

Nope nope nope. Your bf is being a bit ridiculous IMO. He earns WAY more than you. Ask him why he bought that truck if he doesn’t want to drive it anywhere? Since you said he recently started making this money I’ll assume the truck is pretty new also. Makes no sense why people buy vehicles but can’t drive them anywhere. Better off selling it and getting something more practical or not having it at all. 

Since you already drive so much and are tight on funds I understand not wanting to put any additional wear and tear on your car. What if something breaks, will he be helping with the repairs? Oil changes? Tire wear? 

I find his attitude very cheap considering the disparity and would seriously reconsider a serious commitment. Next it will be “honey, my Lambo is bad on gas let’s take your civic ok?” Roll eyes. 

Post # 38
Member
670 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2007 - City, State

amilly435 :  I think my biggest concern, even though most females on these boards have that independent you shouldn’t need a man mentality, is he makes more, you make less, if he wants to take your car cool but should fill it up as an act of service/gesture of love. 2.5 and living together is pretty well committed. From my perspective it’s less about the money and more about being cared for when you’re the one struggling. He isn’t easing your struggles to help you succeed he’s making it harder for you. And maybe that’s why you have a you vs him mentality, because subconsciously you agree with this fact. I’m not saying he should be your sugar daddy. But wanting to take your vehicle to run an errand for himself and not automatically filling the tank just lacks consideration from my perspective…and also is a red flag for marriage. My 2 cents.

Post # 40
Member
4825 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

pinkcorsage :  I agree with this.

He’s cheap and unreasonable. Offering $6 to pay for your gas just for the trips made? I’d be so offended. My husband makes more than me and fills up my suv for me all the time, no questions asked, no mention of money. He did the same when we were dating. His treatment of you would turn me off so much and I would have ended the relationship. It’s the principle that matters here. He’s treating you like a buddy- 50/50 on everything when he damn well knows you’re struggling. 

Do some deep thinking about whether or not you want this kind of future. Btw him spending 80 on a Christmas tree is NOTHING.  You shouldn’t even have to mention that.

Post # 41
Member
4825 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

jellybellynelly :  it’s partly about the gas but more about.the fact that OP puts 280miles on her car, per week just to go to school and back. It’s a lot of wear and tear as is and she’s not making much while in school. Her partner should be more understanding. Obviously he’s not going to help her pay for a new car when he has a hard time spitting up more than 6 bucks for using her car. 

Post # 42
Member
412 posts
Helper bee

amilly435 :  You use his truck all the time for joint outings like you’re describing in this post? If so, do you chip in for gas?

jellybellynelly :  I agree with you. I don’t think he should be obligated to fill up her gas tank if he’s only going to be using a few gallons. I also don’t think that he should automatically have to pay more of the living expenses just because he has a higher income. 

Post # 43
Member
389 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

When my husband and I were dating and living together, we lived a 20 min walk from my job and ~20 min drive from his work. After about the first year we pretty much fully swapped cars. I have a civic – great on gas – and he had a ranger – not as great. Now, we have moved and (when not on mat leave) I take his F150 to the bus stop 2 min away and he takes my car to his office 15 min away. I can see me being annoyed if he didn’t want to pay for gas, but we both felt it makes sense logically to take the smaller/more efficient car most often and he always went out of his way to keep my car full of gas. 

I guess what I’m saying is that I get why he wants to take your car but also why you’re annoyed he doesn’t want to pay for it. Maybe you need a joint pot for gas money for shared outings, can use that money to fill up whoever’s car after a joint outing? 

Post # 44
Member
257 posts
Helper bee

If he’s so concerned about gas mileage, he should buy a car that gets more than 14mpg, unless he absolutely needs a hauling vehicle for work or something. He doesn’t get to have his cake (AKA his manly gas-guzzling car) and eat it too.

My fiance and I have a somewhat similar recurring argument about whose car we take, although it’s not to do with gas mileage. He gets anxious about driving, especially in the urban area where we live. He also gets the single gated parking spot that came with our apartment while I parallel park my car on the street, because he would be too anxious to have it parked on the street. Also, until recently his car was sort of on its last leg and he never wanted to put more miles on it than strictly necessary, although thankfully he finally bought a new one a couple of months ago.

I drive most of the time when we go places and I’m often happy to do it, but it makes me really irritated when there are occasional situations where it would be much easier for him to drive and he refuses to return the favor. For example, if I’m going to be drinking but he’s not, or if it’s going to be difficult for me to find street parking again whereas he has his designated parking space. I don’t have too many words of advice, but I totally understand where you’re coming from!

Post # 45
Member
104 posts
Blushing bee

I know every relationship is different but your bf is totally cheap.  He brings home maybe $5,000 after taxes per month and he seriously won’t give you $10 for gas?  I would be scared to see how he would treat you after you were married and you got sick or something.  

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