(Closed) Recurring argument- Who’s car to take?

posted 10 months ago in Relationships
Post # 46
Member
2247 posts
Buzzing bee

amilly435 :  if gas is such a gripe for him then why the fuck did he buy a gas-guzzling F-150? if he wants to be a sensible, practical, and CHEAP asshole, then perhaps he should’ve let that shine through in his vehicle purchase. but I’m sure he *loves* being flashy and showing off his big-boy toys—which I guarantee played a role in his purchasing decision.

 

Your car is being used for your future. He is in the wrong BIG TIME, in that he makes $85k annually but is quite literally nickel and diming you for something that you can barely afford in the first place. You are not wrong for expecting someone you care about to be willing to give you $20 here and there for gas…especially if you’re serious enough to be living together and splitting bills. And another thing—why is he comfortable splitting all expenses 50/50 when you two have such a huge income disparity? To me, that screams that he doesn’t see a real future with you. If he did, he would be more willing to help out where he can, even if that means he’d end up paying a few dollars more, as that would help both of your financial futures as a couple in the future. 

 

Why are you with this selfish tool? 

 

ETA because I’m sick of seeing you say it: you are NOT being petty. If anyone is being petty, it’s him for offering you $6 or the EXACT dollar amount in return for the gas “he needs” to run his errand. God. I’m angry for you, girl. 

Post # 47
Member
478 posts
Helper bee

I feel like women in this thread want to have their cake and eat it too. We want to be independent and equal but because the guy makes more money we expect him to pay for this and that. They are equal partners, sure he could fill up her tank, pay extra bills if he wants and it would be nice but it’s certainly not expected, they don’t have joint finances and he is not obligated too. If he does it would be nice of him but should not be expected. If the OP was not dating him I’m sure she would still be doing ok, just because they are dating does not mean he should have to pay for her. 

Specially since she clearly stated that they use his truck all the time, he pays extra bills as well. he has not had this job for a long time and might have other obligations for his money that we know nothing about like loans, family, other bills etc. in fact if this has only happened twice as she reported in the update then she is obviously being more tit for tat. 

Post # 48
Member
392 posts
Helper bee

So I’m curious. For everyone who is trashing this guy for not paying more for gas or more than half of the living expenses – would you be trashing the woman for the same thing if their financial situations were reversed? Would you expect a woman who makes significantly more money than her boyfriend to pay more of the expenses when they are not married or engaged? Usually women on this site are advised to dump guys who don’t contribute equally financially, why should it be different for women?

I really don’t understand this expectation that a person should at least partially financially support their girlfriend/boyfriend that they are not engaged or married to just because they happen to earn more money. If a couple agrees on that type of arrangement then great, but many on this thread seem to just expect it.

Post # 49
Member
4693 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

needmorewine :  leave gender out if it and look at the situation again. If OP was making 85k a year and her SO was barely making ends meet, driving 280miles a week to school people would give the exact same answers- that SHE was being unfair nickle-and-diming HIM. It’s about supporting one another when one person needs more help.

Dont make it a male vs female thread.

Post # 50
Member
392 posts
Helper bee

lifeisbeeutiful :  OP’s last update says that they take his truck all the time and these 2 instances were the only issues. She doesn’t mention anything about if she pitches in for gas all the times they take his truck, and I doubt that she does. Yet the 2 times he suggests to take her car it isn’t good enough for him to pay for the gas used for those trips. She’s the one nickle and diming here. Sorry, but I don’t agree that he should pay more just because he makes more. 

Post # 51
Member
101 posts
Blushing bee

If this has only happened twice in the 1.5 years you two have been living together, you are being petty, OP. Is there more to this, like this is the straw that broke the camel’s back?

I don’t understand all the posts bashing the guy. If you were looking for a room to rent with roommates, you’d all be paying a set amount. It doesn’t matter how much each of you individually make. You pay the rent of the room which is usually divide by the number of rooms. OP and her boyfriend are roommates right now.

They always take the boyfriend’s truck and OP doesn’t pay anything for the gas. Not really sure why everyone is calling the boyfriend cheap. He is literally doing what OP asked him to do, which if I was always the one driving my vehicle and and the one or two times I asked my significant other to use their car resulted in being asked to pay for gas, I’d be annoyed. OP and the boyfriend seem pretty even on everything else like roommates would be.

Post # 52
Member
478 posts
Helper bee

lifeisbeeutiful :  they are equal partners so they should be expected to contribute equally unless they discuss it and come to an agreement of some sort. He is not obligated to pay for her just because he makes more money. She is an adult. How would she be managing if she was not dating him? Also he has barely worked at that job for one year and maybe he has other obligations for his money like bills, loans, credit card debt, maybe he wants to contribute to his retirement, family who knows. Also if you read the update she stated that these two times is the only times he wanted to take her car and she got upset so who Is nickel dimming who 

Post # 53
Member
2247 posts
Buzzing bee

lifeisbeeutiful :  right…it has nothing to do with gender. if a woman were making 3x her man’s salary, had a gas-guzzling ass vehicle, wanted him to take his car everywhere for HER errands, yet only wanted to give him $6 for gas and wanted to split everything 50/50 when there was such a huge income disparity, I don’t see the responses being any different. I certainly know mine wouldn’t be.

 

i hate when people bring up hypothetical shit like “if this were the other way around”. like…let’s deal with the issue at hand rather than throwing out random ass hypotheticals. it assists no one and is just annoying for the hell of it 🙄

Post # 55
Member
382 posts
Helper bee

Jesus Christ, I’m glad my Boyfriend and I both drive compacts. 

Post # 56
Member
2247 posts
Buzzing bee

amilly435 :  I apologize if I hurt your feelings with what I said about your SO. hurting your feelings was not my intention at all, but when you ask for advice, some opinions may be shared that contradict what you truly think about your SO. he may be wonderful in all other aspects, but from what you stated in the original post, he doesn’t sound like a great guy at all. 

 

it is normal for women to come here seeking advice about things that are really big problems, only to run to their partner’s defense when negative opinions are shared. that’s a natural response—even I have done it here. but please remember that this situation bothered you enough to post online anoit in the first place, so it is still a big deal. if all his wonderful qualities outweighed this major flaw, you wouldn’t have sought advice on it. I don’t mean that in a harsh or rude way, it’s just something to think about moving forward, in my opinion.

 

sorry again if I hurt your feelings, bee :/

Post # 58
Member
909 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 1983

Fair does not mean equal. In this case, a proportional split of all expenses would be fair, since the incomes are wildly unequal.

Post # 59
Member
4885 posts
Honey bee

Ok I might have an unpopular opinion but he doesn’t pay for gas and makes more and never wants to take his car?! Why the hell doesn’t he sell his truck and get something better?! So baffling. He makes more so theres more leeway but you’re in school and I doubt you can afford it if your car craps out on you. You gotta watch wear and tear and gas money. I drive a lot to work and I noticed the difference in how much I spend on oil changes, tires and general maintenance. it truly does add up. 

Post # 60
Member
4885 posts
Honey bee

Just read the update…not sure my post applies now…

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