(Closed) Recurring argument- Who’s car to take?

posted 9 months ago in Relationships
Post # 76
Member
1042 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

amilly435 :  Okay, you’re right, he’s great and all this is a complete non-issue!

…so why are you here complaining about him in an internet forum?

Post # 78
Member
2917 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

This is a recurring problem even though it’s only happened twice? I get why you’d be annoyed but if it’s only happened twice in 2 years I would just get over it. 

Tell him you don’t want to put more miles on your car then necessary next time he says you guys should take your car. Or continue to let him pay for gas and use yours. 

amilly435 :  

Post # 79
Member
2491 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

amilly435 :  if you’re in the right relationship and one that has the potential to last,  this wouldn’t be an issue. You guys both obviously have some reservations seeing as how sharing the wealth and responsibilities doesn’t come naturally probably because you both focus on the potential of breaking up. It shouldn’t be pressure to force him to do anything nor should you feel less loved. The conversation should be along the lines of how you guys both feel about your relationship and what you want in the long term. Then consider what you both see as fair as far as his contribution now and your contribution later if you guys see yourself years down the line together or forever. If he doesn’t see you as long term gf or potential wife then I can see why there’s reservations right now with you not making much financially. 

Post # 80
Member
1860 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

I’ve had to walk 3km to work today & 3km home because my husband needs my 4×4 & i can’t drive his manual sports car. How dare he!! Lol

Post # 81
Member
5337 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

I honestly don’t see how this is a recurring problem through. You have been together 2.5 years, the majority of the time if you are both doing something you take his car and you don’t offer any money to him. Two times he has asked to take yours because it suited the task more and both times he offered you the gas.why are you even posting about this? You make it sound like he is a selfish ahole when the truth is this is a rare occurrence.

amilly435 :  

Post # 82
Member
11960 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

zzar45 :  He didn’t offer. OP objected, he agreed under “pressure” to give the amount spent on gas, to the penny, then kept fighting with her about it. 

Post # 83
Member
10568 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

MiniMeow :  

For fun, I looked at what AAA says about the cost of operating a car in the US in 2018. The average is $8849/year, based on driving it 15,000 miles per year.

And to dissuade people from asking me questions requiring math skills , I am posting the link. It includes some comparisons, if you’re curious.

 

Your Driving Costs

Post # 84
Member
5337 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

Nowhere does it say he kept fighting her about it. OP says they almost always used his car and these two times they used hers but she asked for gas money, then got pissed that he was only going to give her $10 rather than a tank but every other time they drive his car and he pays! This just seems like a non issue. 

weddingmaven :  

Post # 85
Member
2555 posts
Sugar bee

It’s been interesting to see how this post has evolved…it went from a “recurring argument” to “it has only come up twice” to “we drive his car all of the time.”

To me, it sounds like there is some built up resentment happening in the relationship and it has nothing to do with gas mileage.

Or the OP is backpedaling because she got some push back from her original post.

Either way, good luck.

Post # 86
Member
2748 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

Sounds as if there is a disparity on how each sees the *relationship*.  They are not married or even engaged, so what’s hers is hers, and his is his, should they break up!   They moved in together being equal partners for bills, now she is in school and struggling to make ends meet. That changed their original deal… Many move in for convenience and share bills, without thinking about the relationship longterm. He may not be thinking/planning long term with her.  Since he already had to chip in more financially because she started school,  is thinking it’s ok to use her car a little more to make up for it?  

 

Post # 87
Member
11960 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

zzar45 :  Sorry, but IMO this argument shouldn’t have ever happened in the first place. This is the same person who allows his live in girlfriend, making a fraction of what he does and still in school, to buy his every other meal out, and except for when he’s trying to prove he’s not inconsiderate, even nickels and dimes her on their groceries.

Post # 90
Member
96 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2020

Oh my. This got out of hand. Ok OP. Most of the rational folk on here realize your bf isn’t a tool. I can’t believe people are actually saying to leave him! I think you realize that the “I’ll cover the $6 I use” was him getting his back up after you got your back up and it was probably the result of 2 stubborn people butting heads (it happens! Nbd) 

With your updates I’m wondering… what is the exact issue making you upset? Because I don’t think it’s the covering $6 comment he made. Is it actually paying half of rent/bills/etc that has you stressed and you are taking it out elsewhere? If he’s making such a greater amount of money I think it’s acceptable that he pay a little more % of the bills while you are school. After your finals (and good luck on those!) Sit down with your boyfriend and totally go over your finances together.

What money is coming in for each of you, where is that money going, and how much is left over after all the necessities of housing, food, gas, bills. See where that lands you. Once you guys can see that then you find a place that you are both comfortable at. Maybe a 70/30 split on rent and utilities, or a 60/40 split. 

He sounds very generous by picking up the extra little things. Especially coming from a poorer family I bet it made him so happy that he was able to buy you a wonderful tree this Christmas. Please remember all the little things he does. And know that it IS ok to ask for help. That’s what a partnership is. Let him help you by taking some of the financial burden for now and you help him by taking your car more often (which also helps yourself as you are saving the household money). $6 out of your account for gas will not make you broke and since you DO use his car often I think there is a larger issue here and I think it’s going to be very easy to resolve once you really sit down with each other and talk about it. 

From all your updates I think you guys will do just fine 🙂 remember: US against the problem

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