Post # 1
My Fiance frequently stops by his ex’ house to get things that weren’t removed from the home when he left (i.e. he realized his resume was over there last week). He stops by to get the “things” and then stays for several hours in order to “visit” with his kids. Last week when he was there, he gave his 3 year old a bath in their old masterbath. He told me about it because he was complaining about the ex having several VS bras in the sink (or at least that’s where he said he saw them). He has had some financial problems since the divorce and his complaint is the ex underreports her income, which in turn, ups his child support. His complaining was similar to, “She tells me she can barely pay her bills but she sure has no problem buying expensive underware.” So, am I just being insecure? Goodness knows I would never want to keep my Fiance away from his kids, but I find it weird that he’s giving the kids baths and snooping in her bras. I have kids from a prior marriage and I would never want my ex in my home giving the kids baths. That’s what his own custody days are for. Also, when the kids are with me and my Fiance, the ex is constantly (and I mean constantly) texting the older kids. She even sends the oldest pictures of herself (i.e. she sent him a picture of her after she got a haircut). I’m just uneasy about the whole situation. I know I need to get to the root of these awkward feelings PRIOR to our wedding! How does one know where the insecurity ends and the red flags begin?
Post # 3
Ask him if you can go with next time.
Post # 4
Nothing that you’ve described seems like a red flag. It must be really hard for him not to see his kids everyday.
Post # 5
I agree. This stuff seems normal. Do you think your jealous of his ex in any way?
Post # 6
As a once married person, this really is quite normal… for him it is most likely ALL about his kids.
You are more than likely reading a lot more into this, because you probably haven’t been in his situation (Divorced with Kids)… and guessing that you are fairly young, because “jealousy” is a bigger concern for women in their teens, 20s and 30s… not so much for more mature women (at some point you figure out that you either trust a man… or you don’t… it really isn’t about the OTHER WOMEN).
Trust me, when you are Divorced from some one, most Exes would never want to get together because they’ve “been there done that”… and the reality is pretty grim… “the attraction” is not there any longer… just that you have a past in common, and kids. The past you can “get passed”… the kids, well they will be a fact of life the rest of your lives (you can stop being a Husband, but you never stop being a Dad… kids can really tug at your heart-strings… and will often come before all else… including subsequent Wives OR Girlfriends)
Hope this helps,
Post # 7
I think it sounds like he’s being honest and open with you, which is a good thing.
Post # 8
It sounds like he likes going over there so he can spend time with his kids, not his ex. Unless there’s any other suspicious behavior, you should let this go and appreciate that he’s good man who wants to be there for his kids.
Post # 9
Thank you all for your comments. I feel much better 🙂 I try to keep any jealous feelings/insecurites in check but sometimes that can be hard to do. All my girlfriends have been suggesting for some time that he’s up to no good over there. I really have no proof of that, though. But over time, the comments tend to wear at me, and next thing you know I’m doubting myself and my relationship. I just wanted to put it out there to see what other people thought-people who are completely outside the situation. None of my friends have kids yet, so I’m sure they aren’t really sure what that feels like. I know they have my best interests at heart, and I love them for that. I appreciate all your feedback!