(Closed) red headed stepchild

posted 6 years ago in Money
Post # 3
Member
2778 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Babies never usually come on the due date anyway.

Post # 4
Member
9056 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

If you’re ok with risking your brother not being able to come just leave it as is.  I come from a big family so if I even tried to avoid other peoples stuff completely it would be laughable. It’s unusual for babies to come on their due date so it might be just fine. 

You could always just ask you sil to schedule a c section… Just kidding. If you’d done that I’d say you’re being selfish. But just being slightly bummed… Totally understandable. 

Post # 5
Member
368 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I think because you booked the wedding date before you found out about the baby you can leave it. This happened at FI’s brothers wedding. Oldest brother announced they were having a baby and what the due date was. Then a while later middle brother annouced when the wedding was. Same week. Baby was born before the wedding but the mum didn’t come to the reception and the oldest brother left early.

I don’t think you have to change the date but just be aware that the day will more than likely include lots of ‘where’s the baby?’ ‘lets see photos’ etc.

I totally get your desire to be the centre of attention. Most brides (even the ones that got to go to their prom) wants that.

Post # 6
Member
7753 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Keep your date. Your brother and sister-in-law will probably miss it. Life goes on.

Your wedding will still be about you. No one (except the your brother and sister in law) will go to the hospital instead of your wedding. When a baby is born, people (apart from the father) visit when they can, and are only allowed to visit for a short time anyway. So no one will miss your wedding for the baby.

Post # 7
Member
5428 posts
Bee Keeper

Keep your date, this should be about YOU this time! Tell them what you told us here, you missed all because of their weddings, this time, no way! No compromise.

Post # 8
Member
5547 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2011

Well, if it were me, I would move the date UP, before the baby. That way, I get to have my day, without the cute new baby to worry about yet, and my brother still gets to come. If it isn’t a huge money issue, move it sooner some maybe? That is just me though. But if you aren’t that close to your brother and aren’t worried about him not coming, I say keep it. The only issue is, will your parents want to be around the hospital for their grandkids birth? I know mine would and I don’t think I could have my wedding without my siblings AND my parents. 

Post # 9
Member
7753 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@chasesgirl:  Why would the grandparents be around the hospital for the birth? They’re not usually allowed in the delivery room.  (Especially since the mother is their daughter-in-law, not their own daughter). So what are they going to do, sit in a waiting room for 12, 18, maybe 24 hours?

My parents waited at home for a phone call from my husband, and visited me the next day (night births) or later that day (morning birth). When they did, visiting times were limited anyway (2 one hour blocks).

So I see no reason why the birth should interfere with the wedding. Mind you, not all impending grandparents are rational.

Post # 10
Member
5547 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2011

@paula1248:  I think that depends on the family, my parents sure better be waiting in that family room! I know lots of families that were around the hospital for the birth, and the hours after. The hospitals I have been in for clinicals have had fairly open visitation after the inital post delivery stage, it was pretty much dependant on what the new parents wanted. I was just saying it might be something to consider. Heck, if I were getting a newphew/niece you can bet I  would be in that hospital to see them ASAP so I can’t imagine planning a wedding that close to my sibling (or sibling in law’s) due date. 

Post # 11
Member
7753 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@chasesgirl:  Fair point. It’s hard to comment on other families because I didn’t visit the waiting room while I was in labour 🙂

Post # 12
Member
368 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@chasesgirl:  I think you’re right about moving the date up if possible because you don’t want people just talking about the baby all day. People are going to talk about a new baby which is totally understandable, it’s an exciting time. And if she brings a newborn and it screams the housedown you aren’t going to be happy.

I think it depends on how close you are to your brother. I would personally move it because I am close with my sister and would want her there.

I think it’s totally unfair of your family to be calling you selfish. It’s not a great situation to be in but it’s not like you booked after the due date was announced. Then that would be rude.

Post # 13
Member
4891 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

If you do decide to move it up, go for 3+ weeks. Doctors won’t induce at 37 weeks without a medical emergency and the chance of her going into labor early are slimmer than if she was 38 or 39 weeks. On average, first-time moms run past their due date anyway, so, even if you don’t move it, chances are she’ll still be pregnant at the wedding. 

Post # 14
Member
120 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

You have to decide whether or not it is important to you for your brother, mother, and father to be at your wedding.  Of course it is, right?  So why would you want to risk having them not being there? 

I know it feels very unfair and once again you feel things aren’t going your way.  But no one planned to have the baby due on your wedding date on purpose.  So as someone else suggested, I would consider moving the date up a couple months. You can move a wedding date, what you can’t do is change a baby’s due date.

They want you to move it because THEY WANT to be there for your big day.  They don’t want to be put in the position of having to choose between their two children – your brother’s baby’s birth is a huge day in his life too so of course they want to be there for him.  That will be the risk you take if you keep the date as is.

Post # 15
Member
7753 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Even though @chasesgirl:  points out some grandparents wait at the hospital, OP really needs to talk to her parents, brother and SIL about what they’d do. Remember these are the parents of the father – not the mother – and after giving birth I was in no mood to face the in laws.

Since deposits have been paid, I would leave the wedding date unchanged unless OP’s parents say they would rather be at the birth. If they do say they would rather be at the birth, I would argue they are being unreasonable because (a) I booked first; (b) they could be stuck in  waiting room for 12-24 hours; (c) they will probably be only be able to visit for a very short time after the birth; and (d) the baby will still be there the next day. If that still didn’t sway them then I’d ask them to help cover the costs of moving the date, since I’d be moving the date for their sake.

If the parents give priority to the wedding, then I would not move the wedding for just the brother and SIL; I’d just take my chances.

Post # 16
Member
3639 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

If you can move it up with no financial penalty then I would do so. If she goes into labour/has gone into labour/has just had the baby then the talk will be all about her. At least this way you can guarantee that the focus will be on you.

You aren’t moving your date to please them but to please yourself. 

If she is in labour at the time of your wedding people are only going to be getting phone updates etc and thinking about the baby. Plus, what if something (god forbid) goes wrong and everyone has to rush to the hospital? 

Move your date up and help to guarantee that it’s all about you. 

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