Post # 1
I really want to just enjoy the upcoming trips and holidays without the anxiety of an upcoming proposal. When you are a waiting-bee every opportunity looks like a potential proposal. *Sigh* He asked me a couple of weeks ago if I wanted the proposal to be a surprise or a partially expected event in an interesting location; in public, semi-public, or private.
Before that it seemed like he was going to propose while we are in Florida over thanksgiving; a buisiness trip (unexpected) turned into a vacation. I posted a poll on here asking what the other bees preferred, because I don’t usually love surprises but I love a good mystery so I thought that I might secretly enjoy a surprise if he is able to pull it off.
We are also stopping by the university where we first met, on our way to back from seeing family over Christmas. He wants to meet up with our friends that were there when we met and started dating. Possible opportunity for a nostalgic proposal.
We recently agreed to set up a budget so that we could plan for our longer term expenses (house, kids, professional development classes, wedding, Masters Degree, certifications, vacations, and possibly a home daycare/preschool buisiness while our kids are young), but he wants to wait to budget until after the proposal. He said that my bringing it up the other day triggered him wanting to plan for Valentines Day (we generally ignore the holiday, or at least minimalize our acknowledgement of it). He wants to do something elaborate for the entire weekend of Valentines Day. I appreciate the forethought and romantic implications, but it makes me think that that might be when he intends to propose.
As glad as I am that we have discussed marriage, and picked out a ring, sometimes I wish that I weren’t “waiting” for a proposal.
Post # 3
@nerdybee: I’ve been there. We know we want to get married and have even discussed a LOT of wedding details (as well as long-term life goals like where to retire). I went through a few weeks where I thought every date night was going to be it. I knew we both wanted to wait until after my BFF’s wedding…. so I thought it might happen that weekend since it was semi-destination and super romantic. Nope. Then a few weeks later we went to San Diego, which is super special for us, for his reunion and afterwards he wanted to go to our “special place” in the middle of the night…. all dressed up…. nope. That wasn’t it either. We’ve since had another discussion and because we don’t want a long engagement it most likely won’t happen till early next year, which is fine and definitely makes me calmer & able to just enjoy our fun times together without getting all fidgety!!! This “waiting” stage is super awkward sometimes!
Post # 4
@MexiPino: Glad to know that you are in the same place! You are right, it is sooo awkward. I know that it is happening before the end of 2014. We plan to have about a year, maybe slightly longer, engagement and we plan to get married in early-mid 2015. He has told me that it will be before Christmas 2014.
February seems likely because that was when we originally had planned to pay off my ring by, and he said that once it was paid-off and in his possession, he would not sit on it for long. From what he has said though, I think that he has already paid it off and has just been waiting on it to come in.
I’ll calm down. I just needed a reality check. Thanks!
Post # 5
@nerdybee: oh i’m there right now! go on vacation in less than 2 weeks! i was walking last week, now i’ve added 2 + 2 together and gotten a magical vacation proposal!! why do we do this?!!!
The valentines thing might be to throw you off the scent! think men like the element of surprise! he might know that you are expecting it on one of the planned vacations so valentines is to throw you off! imo.
Post # 6
- Wedding: April 2014 - Rebar
@nerdybee: I have been there…ugh its so frustrating. A year ago i kept thinking he would be proposing. Every opportunity i thought would be a chance for him to propose to me. I honestly got tired of waiting…i just told myself it wont happen any time soon. We have also talked about kids, future goals, wedding details, trips we would want to take, retirement, you name is we have talked about it. Till one day i decided to speak to him about all of this…he had no idea how much anxiety i had and what it meant to really just “wait” he then said that maybe it would be best if he gave me a timeline…which would be the end of 2013. Which allowed for me to just relax and enjoy this whole year. But i wont lie this waiting thing makes me frustrated at times…just bc i feel like i have been waiting a lifetime. I been dating him for 10 years. We started dating very young which of course wasnt the best idea since by the age of 19 i wanted to marry him but it was impossible…so now i am 25 and ready to do it. At this point ive had the change to get everything together including my finances and career on track…
Post # 7
- Wedding: August 2015 - Alexander Homestead
I can relate with you NerdyBee as well as you other waiting bees 100%! I was going along with life just fine until SO started serious talk Dec 2012. It began when he asked me for my ring size, metal preference and stone preference. We had talked about long term wishes and goals all the time but it was always just like far off dreams before – never anything so concrete and detailed. I even surprised myself at how EXCITED I became at the thought of us journeying into this mext phase in life. We’ve made so much progress in planning now but i will agree, sometimes I wish he had kept it all to himself until he was only weeks away from popping the question. Waiting can be such torture some times!!! 🙁 Ive been given a deadline of no later than June 2014 for him to propose so I tell myself to expect it to take that long and maybe I’ll be pleasantly surprised even sooner.
Post # 8
I know what you mean about not wanting to wait for a proposal. UGH!
I was like this last xmas. SO and I had a timeline and he started making this BIG deal about us spening xmas together and even said he’d pay for my plane ticket to go to his home up north. Then some of my friends were all ‘why is he making a big deal’ and ‘do you think a proposal is coming?’. AND this was when I was still lurking on wedding bee in the waiting section…and I was all worked up.
We went to NYC for Xmas, no proposal. NYE back home, no proposal. V-day, no proposal, my 30th bday, which I put my foot down and said I wanted to be engaged by, no proposal. 3 year anniversary, no proposal…I could go on and on hahahahahaha! We are planning details of our wedding…NO EFFIN’ PROPOSAL!!
It finally clicked a few months ago…I was able to let it go and I didn’t care. I just focused on opening the savings account for our wedding (seperate from my emergency savings), as it sounds like the two of you are, but I started pinning wedding ideas, and decided to live life trusting that it will happen one day.
I don’t know if there are any hints are not in your post here…sounds like maybe vday? But maybe it’s best to just be sure that you are enjoying your relationship as well. Hang in there!
Post # 9
@Bettyboo1982: I think that the answer is that it is a mixture of excitement, and the reality of an engagement, wedding planning, and marriage sinking in all at once. The proposal is as anxiety inducing for us as it is for our men!
@katherin788: Some days I am okay with just living life as it is right now, and other days he springs things like the vacation and valentines stuff on me, and it becomes thought consuming. I have tried talking to mine about the anxiety of waiting, and the best answer I have been given is…a series of “what if we are engaged by next Christmas (2014)” questions. He is trying to be as vague as possible about his plans.
@ComputerLove06: Aww. I hope that he proposes to you sooner than July (lessening the length of your waiting anxiety)!
@veryberry13: I am glad that you were able to let it go! I hope to be able to too. I need to. May be I’ll meditate on it, and try to find some mental peace that way. Lately he has been making comments about our engagement, and then “back-tracking” by stating, “I mean hypothetically, of course.”His behavior and comments lately have been out-of chracter for him. The vacation this month was optional, we could have taken care of the buisiness thing without needing to travel for it, but he insisted on going, and having me accompany him. The university thing is definately a little unusual, given that the campus is closed over break, our friends are now dispersed all over the country, and we will be driving back to his mom’s home city with her from the family gathering (having lunch with parents and friends together is not something that we have ever done). *Sigh* I don’t know. I’ll try to get my mind back on school, for now. 🙂
Post # 10
I did the same thing. We went on vacation 2 weeks before he proposed. At every turn I was like “maybe?” and “why is his hand in his pocket?”
It happened, and I had an inkling it was going to. I wish it was a total surprise, but it wasn’t, and I am still happy.
Good luck and try not to plan it out in your mind too much.
Post # 11
@nerdybee: Meditating REALLY helped me a lot.
Just even sitting in our den, in the dark, keeping it quiet and focusing on nothing..even for 5 mins helped me out so much. I totally would say go for that and see if it helps!
Post # 12
@veryberry13: Thanks! I think that meditation and mindfulness training is exactly what I need right now! I am glad that it helped you.
Post # 13
It was in another moment of his “romantic planning/suggetions” today, that I realized that I don’t care when he proposes. Every day life with him makes me happy, and he loves me. I am so lucky to get to have these experiences with someone that I am so in love with, and whom loves me just as much! He is an amazing man who just wants to make me happy. He is everything that I need and want in a life partner…engagement or not.
Thank you all!!