(Closed) Ridiculous fight with DH…weigh in please.

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
14415 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

@ieatunicorns:   I asked if he could run her over so I can finish getting dressed. He then proceeds to put his bags down and heads into the bathroom. So I decided I would just take her so she wouldn’t be late

Just from this short story, it doesnt really sound like you gave him a chance to help.  Was he in there long before you decided to take her yourself?  Where was she going?  I hate to be late and stuff too, but was it really that critical for you to feel so stressed and rushed to get her there instead of just let her be a few minutes late and let your husband deal with it?

Post # 4
Member
1333 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I think it is a very common fight, at least with me and my SO!!!  Probably bc I am very scheduled, and he just kinda ‘goes with the flow” – however, he always gets it done!!  Honestly, it sounds like the same ‘idea’ occurred with you.  You never gave him the opportunity to take your Dirty Delete where she needed to go.  He went in the bathroom, and you took the reins – because you wanted it done in that moment!!

I do not think he did anything wrong per se, as you caused yourself to be a bit more rushed than perhaps needed, however, it would have been nice for him to say, ‘i will take her as soon as i get out of the bathroom!!’. 

Sounds like a small communication breakdown, and easily fixable 🙂  For me, I have come to accept his ‘putsy’ trait, as he is very aware that when I am feeling overwhelmed it is best to follow my timeline!! 

Post # 6
Member
3691 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I would’ve finished getting ready for work, and let him deal with the consequences of her being late to basketball practice.

Post # 9
Member
5075 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

he didn’t say he wasn’t going to take her – you assumed he wasn’t going to (or he wasn’t moving fast enough for you lol).  Lots of people have to head to the bathroom as soon as they walk in the door.

It’s just one of those silly fights we all have once in a while.

Post # 9
Member
6825 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I think you are over reacting, totally agree with the PP you should have let him deal with the consequences of her being late

Post # 10
Member
7587 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

@ieatunicorns:  I think you need to start holding him accountable. You jumping in and doing it for him, only makes you mad, and lets him continue to sit back.  It seems is though you’re enabling his behaivor.

 

Post # 11
Member
2190 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I think you should be able to state, “when you did ______ it made me feel ______” and an apology from the offender is in order…that and working to make each other happy is important. It seems like he’s being slightly stubborn and defensive which stems from either him not knowing how to express himself before it becomes an argument or maybe immaturity on his part. I read the other day, “Apologizing does not always mean that you are wrong and the other person is right. It just means you value your relationship more than your ego”. Darling Husband and I have been working on this lately so we haven’t felt the need to go to counseling. I would step away for now and then confront him when you two have time alone in a calm manner. 

Post # 12
Member
14415 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

@ieatunicorns:  Think about it some more, if she was already going to be late by the time he got home, I’d be pretty through the roof at that point too and thinking he shouldnt even be stepping 2 feet into the house, he should have waited for her in the car and turned right around.  Yea, I’d be mad, but to give him a little benefit of the doubt, maybe he really had to pee and just ran in to drop off stuff, go to the bathroom and was going to take her right after?  I dont think you should try to coax an apology out of it this time, but make set rules for stuff like this happening in the future?  Late = NO STOPPING at a store no matter how quick, do it after dropping her off or the next day.

ETA: I’m not sure I’m on board with everyone saying let him deal with the concequence of her being late.  I mean, there really arent any concequences that would concern him that wouldnt concern OP as well.  It their child, and they are responsible for her getting there on time.  To him, shes late, then shes late, it apparently not a priority to him, which is part of the problem, otherwise he would have gotten home on time.

Post # 13
Member
3520 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I think you are overreacting a bit, but it’s completely understandable.

Why not get a calendar of her activities and color code by who is going to take her?  That way you can do 50/50 on the chauffeur duties.

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