- 6 years ago
- Wedding: May 2012
We have had some major drama surrounding our wedding and now I’m not so sure that inviting 230 people is a good idea (especially since we aren’t close to a lot of those being invited by FI’s side where the drama is coming from). I can’t eat or sleep (I’ve lost about 5 pounds since Tuesday) and I just want to scream!
Everything began when Future Sister-In-Law wasn’t forthcoming about wanting to be in the wedding and just expected me to read her mind. After her mother insisted (still hadn’t heard a word from FSIL) I agreed and let her in the wedding party. I also asked her why she wanted to be in the wedding since she and I have never had anything resembling a relationship. Response (it’s not pretty…. skip ahead if that’s not your kind of thing): I’m a “fucking cunt ass, gold digging, bitch who is going to get knocked up after the wedding forcing Fiance to give up his dream of earning a Ph.D so he can get a real job to support me and the baby because I’ve never worked a day in my life, don’t plan to, will live off his paycheck forever and eventually also his inheritance.” During all of this she also threatened several times to not show up to the wedding. We had a family meeting to try to fix things with a mediator present to keep me from feeling ganged up on. Well, the only way that would happen is if everyone sided with Future Sister-In-Law, which they did, including the neutral mediator. I had even been encouraged beforehand to stand up for myself rather than avoiding confrontation. The take home message from that meeting was that I needed to respect her feelings. How do I respect any of that? She’s too inmature to tell me what she wants and why without cursing and throwing around baseless insults when I don’t understand something and I’m the problem?!?!
Things got quiet, but I didn’t feel things were right without an apology or even confirmation from everyone else that they didn’t agree with her outrageous accusations. Last month we were planning on going from Atlanta to Chicago for a family wedding. Plane fare jumped at the last minute and we needed a cheaper way to travel and thought we’d just tag along with the rest of the family since they were driving. That sent Future Sister-In-Law through the roof and nearly resulted in nobody going to the wedding. We ended up driving ourselves because we didn’t want to miss it and things got quiet again, but still not right.
Queue the latest problem–she buys a dress that is so similar to my mother’s that they would look like they planned it on purpose, knowing full well what color and style my mother would be wearing ahead of time. (Think: http://www.osoblog.tv/diane_von_fustenburg_warehouse_stripe_dress.jpg) Because it was a big deal to my mother to not have people comparing and critiqueing her beside Future Sister-In-Law she said she’d deal with it and I wouldn’t have to be involved which I thought sounded like a good idea (lol in retrospect). My mom called her mom and explained the situation and how important it was for her and even described the time she wore the same dress as MOB and felt horrible because of it. Her mom kept insisting that FSIL’s dress was *the* dress, but eventually backed down and even remembered that the store carried it in beige and they could easily exchange it. We thought that would be the end of it, but one should never underestimate the self-centered power of a 19 year old drama queen.
Her reaction to being asked simply to wear a different color was to yell and curse at my mom and call her immature after being thanked for graciously understanding the situation. Her mother was very apologetic and even said she was proud of her for not cursing (we didn’t realize she started all of this by sending a message on facebook and that’s where all of the cursing was). I also received a lot of messages calling me a crybaby and stuff which I wasn’t going to respond to, but her mother asked me to please try to smooth things over so against my better judgment I sent her a message apologizing for there being confusion over the color of the dress, and telling her that I wanted her at the wedding, basically trying to make everyone stop fighting at the cost of being able to stay out of it. She spent about four hours on the phone talking to Fiance about how I’m psychologically manipulating him and he needs to get his head out of his ass because everyone else can see it except for him. I probably shouldn’t have kept pressing, but I’m tired of being walked all over and decided to stand up for myself for once in regard to her and sent the text that broke the camel’s back: Would you be happy if we called off the wedding and broke up? Her response was that she didn’t have a problem with our relationship but with how I don’t respect her or her relationship with her brother (really? REALLY?!?!?!?). Later that night she talked to her brother one last time in which she told him that he can deal with not having her at the wedding or in the rest of his life and he can pretty much say good bye to the rest of his family, too.
Thankfully she doesn’t actually get to speak for anyone but herself and her decisions are her own to deal with and not the fault of anyone else. We’re all invited to a family friend’s house for Passover seder tomorrow and we’re torn about going because of the potential for our presence to ruin everyone else’s evening, but that’s just a drop in the bucket compared to everything else. All of this has been hard of everyone, especially Fiance since he’s basically the rope in a game of nuclear tug of war. I don’t think I’ve left anything out, but there’s so much to be angry and hurt about that I’m sure I missed half of the story. The wedding is only 51 days away but we haven’t sent out invitations yet (school and work schedule kept us from putting them together before this upcoming weekend–they’re going to hit the mailbox on Monday) and I’m just not sure what to do anymore.