Post # 17
Her whole family sounds like they are enabling her behaviour. What is you Fiance doing in all this? It sounds like he’s not putting his foot down about it. You should never have to put up with this sort of behaviour. If I were in you shoes I would tell her family that the next time she screams at you and corners you like that and they don’t stop her you will be calling the police, and then actually do it. It sounds like nobody in her life sets boundaries, so she runs over everyone. You have to show that you won’t put up with her toxic attitude. So far it sounds like everyone has been way too nice to her, which clearly hasn’t worked. Sometimes people need intervention to see how insane they’re being.
I’m so, so sorry you have to go through this.
Post # 18
I think you and your Fiance need to sit down and talk about whether or not his sister should be able to come to the wedding. Her toxic nature tells me she would only be extremely negative there and would ruin the happy day for both of you. If it’s a unanimous decision, then HE should go to his family and tell them that HE thinks she should not come because it would upset you on your wedding day.
Does anyone agree with me??
Post # 19
@abarber3: holy balls. what a freaking bitch. un-invite her. there is NO way i would allow her at the wedding let alone being one of the bridesmaids!! You dont respect her?? hell she doesn’t respect you at all! im sorry thats so crazy to me.
Post # 20
Do NOT elope don’t let this beotch win. if you elope b.c shes a pyscho you will regret it for the rest of ur life. this is YOUR day girlfriend. don’t let her ruin it 🙁
Post # 21
I agree with not having her at the wedding. Having said that you know someone who acts like that will be showing up to ruin the day. My guess is that she’s very jealous of your relationship with her brother. She sounds like she wouldn’t think twice about throwing a huge fit in front of everyone. Wish I had advise but I really don’t know what would work outside of having your fi spend some quality time with her in hopes of calming things down. Maybe if he assures her she’s not losing her brother she will back off! I don’t know that’s the best Iv’e got lol!
Post # 23
Yes, what happened??????????
Post # 24
@abarber3: Really……everyone AND the mediator agreed with her? Since when is your financial situation ANY of their business? This sounds like a call for a destination wedding….FAR away…with VERY LITTLE notice…either that or an outright elopement.
I wouldn’t even disinvite her to the big event–just more and more drama forever, and the rest of his family doesn’t sound like a cakewalk either. You need to distance yourself from these crazy people
Post # 25
- Wedding: August 2012 - Motor museum
Hope your wedding was good!
Post # 26
You lost me when you a) continued to sit in the car and subject yourself to FSIL’s abusive tirade and b) when you Fiance hopped into the backseat instead of opening the driver’s side door and pulling Future Sister-In-Law out (kicking her a$$ on the way) so he could drive BOTH of you away from the dysfunction and c) still going to the seder with the abuser and her enablers. Any one of those 3 are dealbreakers – all of them together spell bad news for your future happiness.
Huge red flag your Fiance didn’t stand up for you. Even huger red flag that he threw you under the Seder bus to “keep the peace”. Welcome to your new role as FI’s FOO’s scapegoat and whipping girl. F*ck the mediator – get yourself into some counselling to learn how to stand up for yourself and grow a backbone. Nobody deserves to be abused like this. And if your Fiance won’t stand up for you – you need to stand up for yourself. If it were me in your situation, I would cut off Future Sister-In-Law at the very least, and expect Fiance to cut her off too. Maybe the entire family, depending on how codependent & dysfunctional they are. Or I’d walk. Having survived an abusive ex – I can tell you – there’s nothing lonelier than being in a bad marriage.
Post # 27
I honestly think had this happened back when I was a lot younger, I’d already have whipped this spoiled brat’s ass and not cared one bit about the fallout.
Now that I’m older, I wouldn’t be as emotional, but I’d tell her firmly and in no uncertain terms that she better back the fuck up and keep her drama to herself or there would be legal issues to deal with. I’d go so far as to take out a TPO, especially after the Seder situation. And if Fiance didn’t grow a back bone and take my side, he would not be my Fiance another day.
Now that I’ve typed this up and tried to be mature about it…That day in the car before going to the Seder, had ANYONE gotten into the car and started berating me like that, I doubt I could keep myself from slapping the shit out of them/her.
Post # 28
I am wondering why OP didn’t just get OUT of said car? Why sit there and take that?
Post # 29
You can only be treated how you allow people to treat you. That;s all I can think reading this.
Post # 30
I didn’t realize that so many people were waiting for an update.
Overall the wedding went better than expected, but there was still drama from the sister. Long story short, she showed up drunk and continued to drink from a flask throughout the ceremony, cut in line for drinks, hors d’ouvres, and dinner (she left before cake–which was easily the best food, so yay, she didn’t get to have any!), and she bad mouthed anyone within earshot. She also dressed like a slut and had a friend wear the blue dress. A church member had died the week before, so our pastor wasn’t able to attend (he was a guest, not the officiant), but the next time he saw my parents he apologized that they had to put up with the sister at all. Since then we went to his parents’ house for his father’s birthday and even though we were told she wouldn’t be there, she surprised everyone by coming home. She avoided us that day except to say that she wanted to kill our dog (seriously?)
I’ve said that I’m no longer comfortable visiting his family and that I really need him to stand up for me. My dad even had a long talk with him one morning before the wedding about how getting married meant that his allegiences needed to be to me above everyone else. Since then, I’ve told him this again and again but he still won’t stand up for me. Unfortunately, I think he’s just as soft-spoken as I am and refuses to stand up to his family because he’s afraid of upsetting anyone else. His parents are still defending the sister’s actions and trying to convince us to see things from her point of view. He even wants to try to reconcile with her despite the fact that I’m still wound up and hurt about everything that she’s done and not even close to ready to forgive her. She’s even been haunting my dreams lately (showing up places I live/work and harassing me and subsequently being told by security/etc. that there’s nothing they can do).
In regards to your major question, I didn’t get out of the car because I was deathly afraid. I was shaking all over and on the verge of being sick–I don’t think I could have stood up without passing out. The one coherent plan I was able to make was to make sure that if I were to vomit that it be in her direction. In retrospect (and if anything like that ever happens again), I’ll leave immediately *and* call the police.
Of course, none of this fixes anything…..
Post # 31
@abarber3: Thank you for the update, I’m sorry that things haven’t improved more. I would consider getting a restraining order. If she is threatening to hurt your dog and you don’t feel safe it’s time to get police involved, you shouldn’t have to live in constant fear of another human being. I would also consider seeking counseling, it sounds like you are really shaken (rightfully so) and need to have someone who can guide you through this difficult situation.
I hope things get better!