(Closed) Reducing Guest List after S-T-D’s?

posted 10 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 4
4332 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

summary: so basically you want to change the date of your wedding… after STDs went out? and not invite everyone.

I have no idea. 


Post # 5
13 posts
  • Wedding: January 2012

I say just take a few deep breaths, and call (don’t email) or better yet have a coffee date with every single person who cannot be invited to the “new” wedding, to explain your situation.  But write out a script and practice first, and stick to your guns… It will be hard, but don’t feel bad about it- it is your life, your money, and your prerogative! You can do it!  Anyone should undertand that a couple a: paying for their own wedding, and b: going back to school, cannot have an extravagant wedding.  I purposely picked a venue that cannot hold over 100 people and our families helped to spread the word that that is one reason we cannot make it a huge event.  Maybe you can do the same.  Also, our families are throwing a casual daytime BBQ a few months after our wedding to celebrate- maybe you can do something like that for the other 80-100 you had to leave off your “real” wedding.  True friends will understand and stand by you both, no matter what!!

Post # 6
1144 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

@tuscanbride: So when are you getting married? Have you told everyone who saved this nov that there wont be a wedding?

I would just send a tasteful card to the entire guest list and tell them you have postponed the wedding. Until you set a date and are prepared to stick to it I wouldn’t send anything out after that note.

Post # 7
328 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

wow, at first I was going to say this is super-bad form, but after listening to all your good reasons, I can say it’s a lot more reasonable.

I had a coworker who sent out STDs to everyone on his original guest list…all 400. Then, they changed venues halfway through planning and couldn’t handle the capacity. There were a lot of people who got STDs who didn’t get invitations and they were pissed!! Especially since a lot are from work and we see each other every day.

In any event, I agree with PP that sitting each person down (and if they’re long distance, with a phone call) explaining the situation. Maybe after you settle in to school you could have an informal gathering of people who weren’t invited to the wedding and just have a party. No need for gifts, maybe just dinner with everyone to celebrate the good news. If my friend came to me with that, I would be okay with it. I also think announcing changes slowly is a good idea, since it seems like a lot of things are up in the air and don’t need to broadcast to 200 people every time there is a change.

Post # 8
2153 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I think it’s going to be bad form. 


I once recieved an STD and later the date had to be moved otu because the brides grandmother passed away…had she not sent me an invite for her rescheduled wedding, I would have noticed and I would have felt like a D list friend.


Sorry, I think once STD’s go out, regardless….your kinda stuck. I think you should hold off on making an decsisions and see what concessions can be made so that you can afford your original guestlist.

Post # 10
2104 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Another bride dealt with a similar issue here: http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/our-wedding-was-postponed-now-we-want-to-simplify

Personally, if I were in your place I would postpone the wedding until I could afford the original guest list and perhaps remove a few +1’s for single people.  I’d also pare down extras and expenses.  Waiting longer would also mean more time to be absolutely sure that relationship problems are dealt with properly.

Post # 11
1340 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2012
Post # 12
3798 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I don’t know how you would get away with this without making a lot of people upset.

I would try to remove some plus ones and if you HAVE to pare down the list anymore than that, meet with those people in person and tell them that because of the venue location you cannot have over a certain amount and tell them you don’t have room for people beyond immediate family…

Good luck…I don’t envy you on this. Who knows, maybe lots of people cant make the new date anyway. Do you have a new date/location?

Post # 13
3106 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

i think you and Fiance should have the exact wedding you want. i think you can explain that due to a variety of factors, the wedding has been reduced in size and includes only family. you may even want to indicate that budget had a big part of it somehow- no one can argue with a lack of cash!

maybe you have have a celebratory (inexpensive- pizza, bbq?) event in the summer?

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