(Closed) Reevaluating Bridesmaid…Advice please..

posted 7 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
2116 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I don’t think she’s necessarily out of line as a bridesmaid but I think you need to reevaluate if you want this person in your life at all. It doesn’t sound like she’s very committed to your friendship in general. Hope it works out!

Post # 5
Member
318 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I’m not sure that any of these are terrible offenses individually, but added up, it doesn’t sound like she’s placing a whole lot of importance on you and your day.  Has she made any mention of rescheduling the dress ordering?  Or are you alawys initiating the conversations?

Post # 7
Member
562 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

Tell her you need her to order the dress by such and such date, or she can’t be in the bridal party. That way its all on her to make it happen, and if she doesn’t then it’s her own fault.

Post # 8
Member
1276 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I agree with SnowPeony, that way you can see if she really is going to make the commitment and if not, you can move on without being the bad guy. 

Post # 9
Member
4682 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

I also agree with SnowPenny.

Post # 11
Member
2116 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

haha was my response THAT unhelpful?

Post # 12
Member
54 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@destiny1120:  I’d say get rid of her as a friend b/c she doesn’t sound like much of a loyal friend and def. get rid of her as a bm. I am, however, judgemental and get upset easily. Just sayin’…

Post # 13
Member
19 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2011

It sounds like she may have some financial problems and she is trying to hold out as long as she can. This issue comes up all the time. BMs can feel pressured into accepting to stand by your side as a Bridesmaid or Best Man even though it could be a financial burden for them. They will not always tell you because of being embarrassed or disappointing you. I would talk to her if first and if you are able to offer some assistance.

Post # 14
Member
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

@destiny1120: I agree with SnowPeony. Let  her know that the dress needs to be ordered by XXX date – no excuses. Otherwise, she unfortunately won’t be able to be in the wedding party. That way, you’re letting her know up front what your expectations are, and if you do have to ask her to step down, she’s prepared for it.

Post # 15
Member
138 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Maybe give her an out…Say something like “Id love you in my wedding party but if you feel this will be to much of a financial burdon on you im ok with that, lets not ruin our friendship over this.” If she says yes she really wants to be in it say “awesome! let order your dress now then!” lol i had this problem too lucky for me, or unlucky, she was just plain removed do to serious issues.

Post # 16
Member
6394 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

Correct me if I’m wrong, but it sounds like you want her to order the dress with one or two weeks notice? That could definitely be a problem for her financially. It’s a good rule of thumb to give everyone at least a couple months (or at the very least, a single month?). I know you want her to order her dress first, but you just might have to give her the same amount of time that you’re giving the out of state BMs.

About the cards–she sounds like a flake. Does she show up to things and support you in your life when it doesn’t involve material things? Because if she doesn’t, I would dump her, but if she’s just not good with cards and such, I don’t really think I would end a friendship over it.

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