Referred to as in laws

posted 2 years ago in Family
Post # 2
10542 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

I don’t really care. I was with my husband for 7 years before getting engaged and sometimes my in-laws would refer to me as their DIL before we were engaged/married. I feel like it expressed that they felt like I was family even if it wasn’t legal yet.

Post # 3
3866 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - City, State

Doesn’t bother me at all. My sister has been with the same man for 12 years. I think of him as my Brother-In-Law and introduce him to people that way. He’s a member of our family whether they ever decide to get married or not. 

Post # 4
486 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2019 - Southampton, UK

It doesn’t bother me. It’s still pretty accurate.


Post # 5
6309 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2009 - New York, NY

I don’t care 

Post # 7
1513 posts
Bumble bee

Not bothered. Long term couples are still considered spouses so it’s pretty accurate

Post # 9
7128 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

I’m fine with it, though my in laws and I affectionately referred to each other as “outlaws” for years before we got married because it suited our personalities (and was accurate).

Post # 10
1593 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

View original reply
soexcited123 :  It doesn’t annoy me enough to waste my time reflecting on it, but it is incorrect.  I did occasionally refer to my Mother-In-Law as my Mother-In-Law before I was married – but only for situations where it is easier to  such as putting her down as an emergency contact at the hospital.  She called me her DIL socially quite a bit before the wedding and that annoyed me.  I used to call her *Bf’s name’s* mum. 

It’s like I have a friend who used to always refer to her boyfriend of a couple of years as “hubby”. Again I didn’t lose sleep over it, but it did irk me a little in the moment because it’s just not correct.  If you want to call people in-laws or husband/wife, then get married! 

Post # 11
448 posts
Helper bee

It can be a little bit confusing because others will assume that there has been a marriage or a proposal if “fiance” is being used in the wrong context. 

Post # 12
429 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

It doesn’t bother me if someone else calls their unmarried partner’s family in-laws, but it bothered me when my fiance, then-boyfriend, called my parents in-laws when we weren’t even engaged. Now I’m happy with him using the term ahead.

Post # 13
2857 posts
Sugar bee

I think it’s their business and it’s not my place to judge anyone for what they label their relationship. Although my partner and I are not legally married, which is due to MY decision, I consider him my husband. Technically he’s my fiancé, but that word just doesn’t encompass what he is to me. Our commitment is much deeper than a piece of paper. My parents and relatives refer to him as my husband when speaking of him or introducing him to anyone. 

Post # 14
300 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: London

i call my partners family in laws, and one of my friends laughed at me but i reminded her that we had bought a house together, which was more commitment than she hd made to her SO at the time. Mortgages can be harder to get out of than a marriage sometimes, so i dont se the issue if the commitment is there. 

Post # 15
5763 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

I don’t know why it would actually annoy someone.  Sometimes, like if the couple have been together a long time and either aren’t married yet or don’t plan to get married it can describe the relationship more accurately, even if it isn’t legal.  Your boyfriend’s father implies they have no real relationship to you, your father in law could seem more fitting when you are mentioning them in conversation. 

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