Post # 1
Hey everyone. So this is reflecting post. I’ve already annoyed my girlfriends about this so… 😀
I am thinking about modern view of the relationships. So as it is “written” in the books/blogs of the dating coaches… A woman should keep her options open unless she has the commitment, which is mostly being “THE RING”.So while you’re keeping the options open, and your boyfriend not being sure about marriage, i feel like it is very easy to slip into emotional cheating, which is a term now! How are you supposed to do this? Like oh hey, if we decide to break up, i have a list of single guys in the area?
Reading a post about a boyfriend being on the dating site i can see how all the posters are like: Dump him! He is shallow! But what does a woman do, keeping the options open?
And what about sacrifice? If, for example, a girl gets a nice job proposal in another country, most posters say do it! But if she is with the boyfriend who can’t go with her, she leaves him, it’s an LDR… Which might not work out… because of the distance… and neither of them want to move and marry each other… You see my point? Is this actually faithful, considering moving away from the partner, to pursue career? Does this make your partner “temporary”? Like, was the relationship real at all if you can let go easily? Or it is, on the other hand, mature, as the opposite to infatuation?
Of course, i understand everyone is different, it is your story, don’t listen to anyone, listen to your heart… But i am really interested in getting your opinions, and sort of, socially acceptable form of behaviour. Sorry the post couldve been confusing..
Post # 2
1) If you’re in a relationship, then I think you need to be ALL IN the relationship and not try to keep your options open. I have no idea who these gurus you mention are, but I suspect they’re specifically coaching people about how to get engaged ASAP, not how to find and nurture a healthy relationship. You seem to take these alleged gurus’ advice as a given, but I don’t think it’s a very common outlook.
2) If you move for your career and keep the relationship going and both stay committed to it, then the relationship isn’t disposable. If you dispose of the relationship, then the relationship is disposable. Proposing an LDR isn’t unfaithful and it isn’t a guarantee that the relationship will fail, just as a non-LDR isn’t a guarantee that the relationship will succeed.
Post # 3
silkybutterbee: 1. So you mean from the point when the relationship is exclusive? I tend to read many books, including Steve Harvey, the Rules, and Evan Marc Katz blog 🙂
2. Well like 10-years LDR when you see each other twice a year, doesnt make much sense, if noone wants to move..
Post # 4
I’ve seen a lot of women do this “keep the options” open thing. As soon as one relationship ends they’re in another because they always have someone on the back burner. I’ve always had the opinon that those girls aren’t really evaluating whether someone is a good match, they’re just finding someone who is good enough at the moment. Maybe that’s why it’s so easy to “keep your options open”. They’re not that invested. I think it’s very hard to find someone to commit to you if you’re not fully committed and open to love yourself. Most partners will sense that you are not all in.
I do think women should have their own goals and be independent. For example not turning down a move or a job offer “Just in case” he proposes. It’s similar to what Sheryl Sandberg says in Lean In about preparing to have a baby. You should check out on the rest of your life because you’re hoping for something that may or may not happen in the future. You can keep your life options open without keeping an eye out for other men. Unless someone’s only life goal is finding a husband.
I moved to another country from my now Fiance about a week after we met each other. If you’re someone who needs constant physical affection and attention long distance isn’t going to work. But if you’re both fully invested and you have a concrete plan to make the distance end, it can work. If you’re just going day by day and no one has the desire to compromise to close the gap the odds of it working out probably aren’t very high.
Post # 5
I could see you keeping your options up if this was a newer relationship. Yet, if you are feeling like this is the one, and/or committed with your man, i don’t feel like you should be looking for a backup list. I think that would make your current relationship doomed, and obviously fail. Sometimes self help books do too much helping.
I completely get being independent, but looking out for your next relationship ‘just in case’ would not work for me.
Post # 6
I didnt understand any of this.. I should stop day-drinking
I was a “keep my options open” person until I met my Fiance. I have had literally no desire to see/flirt with another person since being with him. So, judging from my personal experience and absolutely no research into the subject at all, I dont think you would do this if you were with the right person
Post # 7
minniegrace: this +1
I was a keep my option open woman until the moment I met my Fiance. The right person changes everything.
Post # 8
Yeah i guess you’re right about the full investment with the right person. Maybe it’s just about fear, that some women have.. I do have it too. But it’s hard to become fearless and take job opportunities in another country when you’re commited and want the relationship to work. I was always struggling with this…