(Closed) Refusing a Gift?!?

posted 12 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
754 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2008

Don’t make her work for her gift, just send it already!  Breakable or not, I would have brought the gift to the reception like everyone else.

Post # 4
484 posts
Helper bee

Well in some parts of the country, it’s considered sort of rude to bring the gift to the reception.

MrsSpitzer – I think you need to just drop the gift off unannounced. I’m sure your friend feels very strange "setting up" a time to receive a gift. I know I would. I would think "well if it was important to her that she give it to me, she would just send it or bring it by but since she hasn’t made that effort, I’m certainly not going to ask for it." I know I would be worried about looking greedy.

So perhaps this is what your friend is thinking? Just get it to her somehow and I’m sure she’ll be appreciative!


Post # 5
14 posts

Maybe you could set up a dinner night, and then just bring it out towards the end of the night.  I bet your friend is feeling a little odd just to meet you for a present.  If she doesn’t accept dinner night, just send it like the others said. 


We recieved a couple broken gifts in the mail and we were able to take them back.  🙂  It’s no biggie.


Post # 6
508 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

just go ahead and send them.  if you don’t want to risk breakage or want to save on postage, drop it by.  the longer you wait, the weirder it will seem.


Post # 7
596 posts
Busy bee

i definitely don’t think your friend is trying to be rude.  i think that she’s being put in a really awkward situation – she shouldn’t have to make such an effort to receive her gift.  you should just send it!  i don’t know about everyone else, but for my wedding, i told everyone that their presence was present enough and i was totally not expecting a gift.  so how hypocritical and greedy does it make me sound if i say "oh i’m totally not expecting a gift!  but can you bring the wine glasses by my house tonight, say 7:30?"  maybe it’s just me but i’d feel weird and silly saying that!

Post # 8
12 posts
  • Wedding: September 2008

We lived 5 hours from where our wedding took place, thus the vast majority of our guests mailed our gifts to us. Not one wine glass arrived damaged. I understand what you are saying that it’s strange she hasn’t responded but I agree with the other posters when they say mail them. Take the gift to FedEx or another mailing option, insure the package for it’s value and ship it already. If they are wrapped properly they will not break during shipping.

Post # 9
286 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2007

I have a friend who has a bridal shower/wedding gift (wedding was over a year ago).  I feel weird setting up a get together just so I can basically say, "where’s my gift?" since inviting her wasn’t about that.  

Post # 10
2292 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

I’m with eml181 – you can easily send it UPS or FedEx, and insure.  UPS comes with $100 of insurance for free, and more costs hardly anything.  Have your local UPS store box it up for extra assurance that they will pay if it arrives broken.

FYI, we also got Reidel wine glasses for gifts – a total of 24 (12 red, 12 white, in packages of 4).  Four sets were shipped to us, two brought to the wedding.  None of them were broken.  The box that they come is protects them pretty well, and a sturdy shipping box with a couple inches of foam peanuts on every side should get them through anything short of having a heavy package dropped on them.

I don’t know what’s going on with your friend, but adjusting to married life is different for everyone.  In the month immediately before, and the two months after we got married we got a house ready to sell, sold it, moved three people (my husband and his two kids) and all their stuff, cleaned out the required amount of space in my house, got used to all living together, and then got his son off for his freshman year at college.  Now (three months after the wedding) our lives are sort of getting back to normal.  There were weeks when I had to remind myself that all our friends who desparately wanted to come over and hang out, or take us out, or have us come visit, or come and visit us, really had the best of intentions and loved us a lot as opposed to just maliciously wanting to make our lives that much more complicated.

If you have just been asking "When and where?" you could try suggest something specific. "Hey, meet me Saturday morning at Starbucks at 9:30.  I’ll buy the coffee, and we’ll catch up, and I’ll bring your present!" If that doesn’t work, I would send her a message saying "Hey, I guess you are still pretty busy.  I had hoped to deliver your gift in person, but I’m going to give up on that and put it in the mail.  Let me know when you have some time to get together for drinks or dinner!" 

Post # 11
7052 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

I’d have it delivered and have it wrapped beautifully and where they sign for it.  Inside I’d put a personal note and see if they’d like to meetup for dinner. In the note you can say "we were afraid it would break if we brought it to the reception, and we also wanted to give it to you when you have both settled in.  Let’s do a dinner out together!" 

Post # 12
329 posts
Helper bee
  • V
  • 12 years ago

Send it or drop it off! An invite just for gift giving IS awkward! and several messages ARE already a bit stalkerish! 

Either you wanna give her the present or not. So do it! 

Post # 13
14181 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Send it (i’m sure they’ll make it safely. If not, that’s what gift receipts are for!) or just set it on her doorstop, put a big bow on it and say "sorry i miss you but i wanted to give you your wedding gift. let’s get together and use them!" since they’re wine glasses =].

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