Post # 1
My partner and I were out on New Years Eve and while walking on the road he started telling a story about what he heard on the news about a shop that we passed. After just starting the story, a man walks past us wearing a kilt and it looked interesting and unusual. I pointed this out to my partner as soon the guy walked past as he would miss it and said ‘oh look a guy wearing a kilt’. Then I ask my partner to continue his story as he stopped. My partner gets irritated and says he is not going to continue as I interrupted him. After coaxing him to tell me further the story, he refuses.
After discussing with him the above incident, he mentions that his behaviour of being irritable is due to me not having said the word ‘sorry’ before I interrupted him to ask him to look at guy wearing kilt. I said to him that as we are not colleagues or formal strangers I feel like there is no issue in this case of not saying sorry before pointing out something interesting on the street. In this case as the person walked by fast, I quickly reacted and pointed to the person and interrupted him so as he did not miss seeing an unusual sight. I also feel like couples do not need to maintain a higher degree of formality once comfortable with each other.
I found the above behaviour by him a bit disrespectful and almost deliberately punishing, particularly to something I did not intentionally do to hurt him. He says his reaction is justified in his eyes as I had not said ‘sorry’ before interrupting him and am therefore being rude.
What are people’s opinions on this? What is your judgement and assessment of such behaviour and what it indicates?
Post # 2
“I also feel like couples do not need to maintain a higher degree of formality once comfortable with each other.”
I get the sense that you are a bad listener/chronic interrupter at best, and a flat out rude person at worst. I’d be super annoyed if I were your fiance. Maybe spend less time trying to justify your rudeness, and more time working on being a better partner.
Post # 3
I think he majorly overreacted. I would be baffled by his response, as I can see the situation you described as a very common one between my DH and I. Weird.
Post # 4
It sounds like he possibly overreacted, but I can say I’ve done this before. When someone interrupts you it can feel like they aren’t listening/don’t care about what you’re saying. Why would you want to continue telling a story to someone who has made it pretty clear they don’t care to listen?
Post # 5
Perhaps he is being a bit oversensitive. However is it possible that you do this a lot while he is speaking? When you interrupt someone often like this, and about silly things it probably appears to him that you don’t listen to him or don’t care about what he says. That is embarrassing for him, and to save face he will deem it not worth it to continue the story.
I could be completely off the mark here as I don’t know you, but if I were to read more into the situation I would guess that he does not know how to explain why your interruption(s) bother him so much, as it is a pride thing, so he says it’s about saying sorry.
Post # 6
Do you interrupt a lot? It sounds like an overreaction to a single event but if it’s a pattern of behavior I can understand becoming extremely frustrated by it. It’s very annoying when you are talking to someone and try act as if they have no interest.
Interrupting people is rude, it doesn’t matter if you are dating or not. Manners and being polite are not just for strangers and aquantainces.
Post # 7
It’s incredibly irritating if you’re telling a story and someone interrupts as if they couldn’t care less.
Also this happened on NY and you’re still thinking about it?
Post # 8
If this is still an issue six months later, I suggest you both get help.
Post # 9
His reaction seems super odd to me. In my family, interrupting each other for stuff like that is a regular occurrence. It would actually sound a little weird if they apologized in advance for interrupting me.
Post # 10
You were rude and disrespectful. Interrupting anyone when they are speaking, no matter the relationship to the person, is rude and disrespectful. The way you told the story it appeared to me like you just weren’t interested in listening to your partner so I can kind of see why he is annoyed. It is also rare that someone responds like this to a one off event so like pp I am assuming that this isn’t an isolated event but more like the straw that broke the camels back.
It is also strange that you are still going on about this over 6 months later. Have you been expressing this resentment to him? You both expressed your opinions and should have agreed to disagree or set up some kind of compromise so it never happens again. Mature adults don’t hold onto resentment like this over such trivial things. Do you have issues with having to win or be right?
All that said your partner also didn’t handle this the right way but given that you ignored his feelings and tried to justify your rudeness/disrespect by calling him disrespectful and deflecting away from the real problem it is not surprising he did react like he did.
Sounds like you both need to learn how to communicate better.
Post # 11
On the surface yeah your SO’s reaction seems way over the top. Like have a beer dude. If I see something crazy on the street I’m gonna point it out, I don’t care if you’re in mid monologue. It’s not like you interrupted him to be like “hey have you ever seen The Sound of Music, what a great film!” lol – you wanted him to see something that was only going to be visible right in that moment.
However, as pp’s said, if you have a history of interrupting him all the time, then maybe this was the straw that broke the camel’s back type of thing. I’ve def overreacted before when DH interrupted me if I was already in a pissy mood or if I was trying to tell him something really important.
In sum it doesn’t seem like a big deal. More like run-of-the-mill bickering that many long-term couples deal with on the reg. I would just forget about it and move on with your life…no need to make it into a whole ordeal.
ETA: Just realized the incident in question happened on new year’s eve?!? wtf – this changes my whole perspective. Why on earth do you even remember such a mundane episode, let alone feel the need to ruminate over it six months after the fact? what is really going on here?
Post # 12
Lol, it means nothing more than that you were brought up with different standards of what is considered polite. Nothing wrong with that, but now you know you need to find an acceptable middle ground that works for your relationship.
Post # 13
when I’m in his position my thought is “well she’s obviously not that interested and this story isn’t worth the effort to finish telling it. Conversation over.”
Post # 14
Although you likely didn’t have malicious intent, interrupting is rude and you can’t escape that fact. For me personally, I still get offended if my DH interrupts me. I pride myself on being a good listener to my friends and family so when he does it to me it does truly hurt my feelings to not get that respect back. And it does prove that he wasn’t listening because he interjected with some random thought that had nothing to do with anything that I was saying. Yeah, we don’t have knock out drag out fights about it but I usually let him know i’m annoyed in that moment and that usually follows with an apology. I guess I would be a little upset if I was your Fiance if you feel like it’s not rude to interrupt and then on top of it when he expresses his emotions (which are likely hurt feelings) you say you don’t think you need to apologize. One time thing is one thing but if this is a chronic problem it’s something that you likely need to work on.
ETA: I agree with PP in that this must be a larger problem in your relationship if you are still worrying about a little bicker sesh over one behavior 6 months later.
Post # 15
I think regardless of his reasons, it is immature to withhold the rest of a conversation from you for a minor infraction. I think with most people, it would only get this point if you’re interrupting constantly – again, regardless of the circumstance, it’s a childish way to deal with the situation this way rather than communicating his problem to you, but it’s more understandable, I think, than the reason he gave.
That said, this really isn’t something worth pushing back on. I don’t really get why your response to him saying “I feel disrespected when you do x. I would really rather you do y, instead, otherwise I feel zzz” is to say “No way, I refuse to consider adding one word to these sentences to make sure you feel respected in our conversations. You and your feelings are ridiculous.”
And, as a PP said, why is this conversation still such a big deal to you six months later?