Post # 1
Member
125 posts
Blushing bee
I am so confused as to what to do here!
My Fi basically had nothing when he moved in, as he was a bachelor and actually gave all of his stuff to a soldier of his that was pretty destitute. So Fi moved out of his roomate’s place into my house. Not such a big deal, but…
When my husband died two years ago, and I bought my house early last year, I replaced everything of ours. It was all old anyway, and needed to be replaced. So now I have a ton of practically new stuff and no need for anything. We’re having 100 or less people, including kids, at our wedding, so I have to register for something. But all we have on there is a couple sheet sets, some towels to replace the kids old ones (hey, they’ll never know there for the kids! haha I bought 12 new ones for myself last year), a kitchenaid ice cream mixer attachment, new 45 piece cutlery set (havent had new cuterly in years), and a steam mop, oh, and a cast iron dutch oven.
That’s it.
How are we supposed to register if there is hardly anything we need? I know i need to upgrade a few things, so I’ll probably get new dishes (the ones I bought were crap, I should have known better), and new pots/pans too, but I don’t know what else.
What has everyone else done in this situation? My family expects us to register, and I’d rather do that then get crappy gifts we wont use. Would it be ok to put a honeymoon registry with our invitation too? We’re going to Paris and some extra spending $ would be nice too.
Post # 3
Member
4824 posts
Honey bee
Sounds like you have a good number of things already.
What about a second registry like amazon for decorative things, like frames or pillows or lanps or rugs or recreational gear for everone, like basketballs, camping or storage containers, etc
Post # 4
Member
5 posts
Newbee
I always heard it was tacky to register for your secong wedding… But maybe it’s a regional thing
Post # 5
Member
125 posts
Blushing bee
I like the amazon idea! @mrsdan I found it weird too, but everyone is asking us, so we will.
Post # 6
Member
3142 posts
Sugar bee
@mrsdan:
That could be moot based on the fact this second wedding is due to widowment (is that a word?) and not divorce.
OP: So sorry for the loss of your first husband and congrats on your upcoming wedding!
Post # 7
Member
125 posts
Blushing bee
@Oneeleven: Thank you 🙂
My first wedding no one was able to attend because we got married in Germany and eloped, and we got no gifts. Hardly any of them came to the funeral of my late husband as well because it really was so sudden (H1N1 and he died of a pulmonary embolism) and they all live in Canada. Since they weren’t able to attend either, everyone is really reallly excited for me and my fiance. And they want to get us gifts, so we are registering.
Post # 8
Member
780 posts
Busy bee
I like the idea of registering on Amazon or even at Target, where folks can get all kinds of things- even gift cards if they choose…
Post # 9
Member
1553 posts
Bumble bee
I just attended a wedding a few weeks ago where both the bride and groom were encores. They did not register because they already have everything they really need.
They ended up receiving a few small items, but the vast majority of guests gave cards with cash or gift cards in them. I think the guests understood that they didn’t really need toasters and blenders.
Post # 10
Member
3142 posts
Sugar bee
I would totally do the honeymoon registry 🙂
Post # 11
Member
1482 posts
Bumble bee
I think because of your circumstances (ie, no big registry the first time around), it is perfectly fine to have a small registry. If you don’t need much, then you don’t need much. I think most people will bring you cash or gift cards if they don’t find anything on your registry that they want to purchase.
I personally hate honeymoon registries; I think they are the same as asking directly for money. I would consider the age range of your guests before proceeding with a honeymoon registry- I think this is a newer option that some couples are going with, and many people are not familiar with it and feel uncomfortable with it. Heck, I’m 30 and I feel uncomfortable with it and prefer to buy people gifts or get them gift cards. It also requires your guests to be tech-savvy, since they will have to do their purchase online; most older guests are still more comfortable with physically going to a store to purchase a gift. Just something to think about.
Post # 12
Member
1269 posts
Bumble bee
we are having destination wedding in Vegas- so we just said to folks “please come, and use the gift money to join us”
Post # 13
Member
994 posts
Busy bee
@mrsdan: It’s totally situational. There are those who got married and had no “real” wedding for instance, ie, it’s their first time being showered.
@AlmostMrsP: I’m so very sorry for your loss, but congrats on this new chapter in your life. I think it’s fine to register for the few things you need and leave it at that. I also don’t see a reason to register for stuff I don’t need or won’t use. I’m not as familar IRL with honeymoon registries (ie, I haven’t seen any use them in my local area) but maybe poll a few close friends to see what they think? I don’t think it’s a breach of etiquette. Though I agree with the PP who said that many give cash or gift cards if there isn’t an extensive registry.
Post # 14
Member
125 posts
Blushing bee
Well, I thnk we’ll do a registry at Bed Bath and Beyond…I have to pick one store that is in Canada too. A lot of my family isn’t as tech savvy as we are, so I have to be considerate of that. I do like the target idea, so we might do that too, but amazon would be too difficult for everyone else.
Thanks everyone for your ideas!
Post # 15
Member
18 posts
Newbee
I think it depends on circumstance as well… after my divorce, my mom became very ill, so I decided to move in with her and take care of her…. My man is in the military and was injured in Iraq…he has recently been sent home for treatment…. this is the 2nd marriage for BOTH of us.. and we are buying a new home… WE HAVE NOTHINGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!! lol.. so we’re definitely registered and my wedding planner said it was acceptable……All goodness…
Post # 16
Member
3 posts
Wannabee
I feel for you sister, I’m in a similar situation….Non tech-savy folks won’t get the honeymoon registry and we (you) don’t need stuff. I absolutely choke on the consumeristic attitude people sport even in this economy. You’re right, you don’t need any more crap. It’ll just end up on your yard sale table anyway. If you’re forced to register somewhere, go with the store that has the easiest return/exchange policy. What about Home Depot and Lowes? I know it’s probably played out but you own a home and will always need upkeep, right? New patio furniture? A new gynormous manly man bbq? My practical bone says “suggest” to close friends and family for photographer and videographer “gifts” (contributions, if you will). The experts say spend the money on your ring and pictures so there you have it. If you’re flying to your honeymoon destination, ask for frequent flyer miles. It’s not cash and won’t put anyone out financially….Personally, I want to surpise my honey and have professional pictures taken on the beach on our honeymoon and I may suggest “contributions” for that. You’re going to Paris – tell everyone you want Visa gift cards to help buy the souvenirs you’re going to bring them! Don’t laugh, it’s unbelievably expensive there! Anyone who truly knows you, knows your situation and how you feel, right? Otherwise, why are they included on your special day? We’re only human and someone is going to get butt hurt, they always do. You’re a grown up so quit worrying about what everyone else thinks or wants for you. At this point in your life it’s absurd to go along with it. Focus on the important stuff, your future life with the man you love.
Member