(Closed) Registry etiquette – do you HAVE to have one?

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Leave the GR and put the note up?
    Yes, it's fine! : (19 votes)
    68 %
    No, it's rude! : (9 votes)
    32 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    375 posts
    Helper bee

    Did you read Miss Funnel Cake’s take on gifts? They’re also dealing with an international shipping situation and it makes total sense to not want to deal with all of that.

    That said, it can get a little awkward asking people for money–technically gifts are optional and it’s nice to acknowledge that. Something like…

    “Your presence is present enough, really we have all we need, but if you’d really like to add icing to our cake, consider our honeyfund registry, please.”

    Post # 4
    Member
    10571 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: January 2011

    No, you don’t need a gift registry.  Since the honeyfund registry is newer, some people really haven’t warmed up to it yet though (and maybe never will), so having a smaller gift registry along with it isn’t a bad idea.

    If people do not have a registry, or a fairly small one, I think most people know that it means to give cash, unless they know the couple really well and want to give them something personal.

    Post # 5
    Member
    4824 posts
    Honey bee

    Depends, are you having a shower? I really dont think you can have a shower and not have a registry. 

    If its only a wedding, then its a different story. That depends on your circle. In my circle people do not give presents for the wedding, only for showers.

    Post # 6
    Member
    6065 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: January 2012

    @leafgum: I would probably just re-word your statement.

    Something more like this:

    Due to our long distance move to Austria, we decided not to register for gifts. Your presence at our wedding is certainly gift enough!

    (the revision isnt perfect, just what i thought of right now)

    No need to mention the honeymoon fund- they will see the fund on the website and can  partake if they so choose.

     

    Post # 7
    Member
    491 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2012

    Not at all! I think it could be perceived as rude if you were asking for money not gifts just because, and even that is pretty common. You, on the other hand, don’t need gifts! It’d almost be an inconvenience! I think people would totally understand that if you gave them a gift you would have to transport it all the way across the world which could get very expensive.

    “Wedding Etiquette” is almost a thing of the past. People do so many new and unique things these days.. it’s a changing world! Sidenote, maybe you could change up the sentence after the semicolon. Emphasize more that it’d be hard to transport them rather than saying you have all that you need?

    Post # 9
    Member
    3618 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    I don’t know about the way you worded your note…but we are not doing a registry either. We have been living together in our home for 3.5 years and we already have everything we need. We just put on our website under the registry section: Since we are already settled at home, there will be no registry. I have seen several times people adding a line like: Contributions to our happily ever after fund are accepted.

    We kept ours short and simple and did not ask directly for money. That was a personal decision on our part. We do not want to ask for money or gifts and will leave it up to our guests to decide what they are comfortable giving. It is also in our culture to give money rather than gifts so this is acceptable to our families but we have gotten a few confused friends asking about our registry to which we just repeat what we wrote on our website. Our close friends also know we are not registered and have been passing the message along that we will accept monetary gifts when people ask.

    Post # 10
    Member
    2442 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    You don’t have to have a gift registry.  People can decide on their own if they want to give you an actual gift or the gift of money.  I would think most people would just send money out of convenience, especially if they know the logistics of things.  However, I personally don’t like the idea of a honeymoon fund.  I want to help people begin their lives as a married couple but I don’t want to help them take a vacation.  I say don’t have the gift registry or the honeymoon registry and just use the money you receive as wedding gifts toward your honeymoon.  That’s what we did.  We received more than enough money for the honeymoon and had money left over.  

    Post # 13
    Member
    5883 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2010

    You totally can have just a Honeymoon Fund. I would reword what you put on the website. Maybe a combo of @thirdtimebride: and  @Evie19: 

    Due to our long distance move to Austria, we decided not to register for gifts. Your presence is present enough, but if you’d really like to add icing to our cake, consider our honeyfund registry (insert link).

    If however your Mom doesn’t get off your back and you need a place to faux register– Bed Bath and Beyond will give you cash back on items. I would go there and register for like 10 things (to make her happy), then take them back for the cash.

    Post # 14
    Member
    3375 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    Well I think it’s fine not to register, but I don’t like honeyfund. I hear they take a percentage of the money you get…. not cool. I would just write you a check.

    Post # 15
    Member
    3375 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    But, FYI if you tell people that their presence is present enough, a lot of them will give  NO gift. Just a warning.  I think it’s just better not to register and people will just give you money.

    Post # 16
    Member
    5762 posts
    Bee Keeper

    I’m not sure where you’re from, but your Mom’s idea is a little off base. Rude to NOT have a registry? If you don’t need anything, why bother? If people want to give you a gift, they will.

    I NEVER give wedding GIFTS. I always give cash for the wedding.

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