(Closed) Registry information on invitations?

posted 4 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
619 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

It is considered poor etiquette to put registry information on the invitation.  However, it’s acceptable to put website information in the invitation, and registry information on your website.   ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Your Future Mother-In-Law is way off.  Again, it is bad form to host any sort of party in your own honor (shower, engagement party, etc.) as it comes off as attention-seeking and gift-grabby, if it’s a gifting occasion.

ETA: Future Mother-In-Law sounds like a bit of a peach.  You’d “inconvenience” her, but she’s fine demanding that you pay for all of these parties for the benefit of her own family?  Uhh, no thanks.

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 4 months ago by  kooshball5.
Post # 4
1309 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

No registry info on your invitations.  You can do a search on here and find 238403280483 threads where people talk about this.  You can put it on your wedding website and/or rely on word of mouth.

Post # 5
132 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

There is literally a gazillion threads on this already, do a simple search and you will find that 99.9% of the bee finds this to be bad etiquette.

Post # 6
6107 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

View original reply
madscientist:  no info on the actual information but it’s pretty common place to include a little card/piece of paper in the envelope with the registry information. The bee will lead you to believe that no one does that but it depends on your area. In my area, everyone includes a card with registry info on it.

Post # 8
1186 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

No. To all of that. Putting registry information on an invitation or throwing a party in your own honor is extremely tacky.

Post # 9
1692 posts
Bumble bee

Hello! Let me answer a few questions you haven’t asked, while it is still not “too late”.

First, printed or engraved wedding invitations usually have two envelopes. This is so that the outer envelope can be addressed according to postal service requirements, and the inner envelope can bear the names of children, non-cohabiting lovers, and so-on that would be inappropriate to display on the outer envelope. If you aren’t going to use inner envelopes, design your invitation to have a line somewhere where you can write in this custom information — or plan to use a mail-merge so that names can be printed individually in the same font and by the same software that print the invitations.

Registry information included with the invitation, whether on the invitation itself or on an inclusion card with the invitation is not “proper”. It makes you look mercenary, as though you are out for material gain when the most important thing on your mind should be your love for your groom and your plans for a life together. Of course, having a coffeepot will make your life together much more bearable, especially on the 3120 shared Monday mornings (give or take) that lie ahead. But you need to know this: people love weddings. People love young brides. We love the idea that we can help you out and in some small way contribute positively to those 3120 Monday mornings. So we will go out of our way to find your registry (all it takes is a quick google search).

The world is also full of people — your future mother-in-law apparently not being one of them — who love throwing bridal showers. Mention in passing in the presence of a good friend or a close relative that “I kind of wish that I could have a shower, but that’s not going to be possible”, and there’s a  chance that they will start finding a way to make it possible.

Your future mother-in-law is a poor representative for Texan culture, which is known for its hospitality. She ought to be inviting you down to meet the family *herself*, hosting a party (which would technically be a “reception”, not an “engagement party”, since your engagement has already been announced and then some) and offering you house-room. I would not, if I were you, rely on her etiquette advice for anything.

But you can rise above. Once you have that apartment, then you can invite members of your new Texas family over in fours and fives (or twos and threes depending on how tiny your apartment is) and get to know them over tea or brunch or dinner, any time they happen to be visiting your town.

And you can just trust, that there will be plenty of toasters and coffee-makers and fitted bedsheets among the wedding gifts that should start arriving at your apartment over the next several months — but that will probably be brought to the wedding reception instead by people who don’t know better.

Post # 11
1155 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Your Future Mother-In-Law sounds like a handful. I wouldn’t even entertain the idea of you travelling to “host your own party” for the purposes of meeting your fiance’s family. And just stop discussing wedding plans with her entirely. I gather from your other posts that she seems to keep inserting herself into your plans, but start deflecting them with various comments: “We’re still deciding” “Oh, I’ll talk to Fiance about that” “Haven’t gotten that far in planning yet!” Or something of the sort. The less information she has, the less she can stick her nose into your plans. And if she brings up you hosting/travelling again, I would simply leave it at “That’s not in the cards for us right now” (or something equally as polite but firm) – repeat until she gets the hint. 

What I would do, is make yourself a wedding website. There it is perfectly acceptable to include registry info (most website creators already have a section for this) – and then just put the website on your STDs (or if you aren’t doing those or maybe have already sent them out, include a small insert with the invitations, along the lines of “for more information, please visit our website: xxxxx” 

Post # 13
177 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2016 - Sassafraz in Toronto, Ontario

They will find your registry, don’t worry. I’m the opposite, we’ve lived together for many years and we don’t need anything, so I only put together a 13 item registry, mostly under $50 in case someone wants to get us a traditional wedding gift like a vase, frame or glass wear and they are worried about knowing our tastes. We didn’t publish it anywhere (website, invite, etc). I guess it was just word of mouth, as I told my mom about it. 

If it’s normal in your circles to include a little card within the invite suite, then do it. But I really wouldn’t worry about the older folk finding out – they will know who to ask when they decide they want to buy you a gift. 

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