(Closed) Registry Quandary

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Registering for a videography package we'd otherwise have to forgo is:
    Perfectly acceptable in this day and age, what with people registering for honeymoons and all! : (9 votes)
    23 %
    Totally Tacky! It's not traditional, therefore don't do it. : (16 votes)
    41 %
    It depends on how forward-thinking the guests are. : (13 votes)
    33 %
    I Don't know/Other Thoughts Welcome!! : (1 votes)
    3 %
  • Post # 3
    4354 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I think it depends on your guests, but I wouldn’t call it tacky! If it’s something you really want I would try it.

    Post # 4
    32 posts
    • Wedding: June 2008

    Never in a million years did I think I would vote for this form of gifting. I find it incredibly tacky.

    HOWEVER, something about your idea and the way you stated why it was important  feels totally different. I think it’s because you aren’t tying to get your guests to upgrade all your choices or just generally foot the bill for your wedding.

    It will be a lasting memory of the day for you and your husband. I would cheerfully contribute to that and would feel like it was one of the more meaningful gifts I have given.

    Post # 5
    706 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    There is some time until the wedding, is there any way you can ask for this as a birthday gift or something?  My photographer gives gift cards, and when people ask about doing something for the wedding, I say that in lieu of bday presents, they can do that.

    (note: we are paying for the wedding 100%.  Some of the parents have expressed interest in assisting us, but we want to do this ourselves.  I figure if they really want to, doing it in the form of a birthday present or something is a bit different).

    Post # 6
    674 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    Somehow this strikes me as more acceptable than asking for a honeymoon fund or suchlike. A wedding day is something you only get once and which happens at a specific time (whereas a honeymoon you could save for yourself and enjoy as and when you can afford it). And being able to preserve the memories of your wedding day is something which is very important to me. So I say go for it. But do include other registry items so as to give your guests a choice.

    Post # 7
    3267 posts
    Sugar bee

    I think it is awful. 

    Despite your reasoning, you are asking the guests to foot a portion of the wedding, which is never polite. 

    You also need to have the money to pay for it fully on your own.  You will have to pay for it before you open your wedding gifts.  You may get all of it, or some of it or none. If you get none you would then have to be prepared to pay for it.

    If you can then front the cash, I think it is tacky to ask for it back.


    Post # 11
    722 posts
    Busy bee

    I would not do this. I don’t agree with honeymoon registries either, and neither does anyone I know.

    Post # 12
    3267 posts
    Sugar bee

    @tuscanbride:  No problem, I love a good debate. Ultimately, people have to decide what is right for them and their situation.

    To answer your questions  do you feel it is different than asking for guests to fund your honeymoon on your registry, as many brides do? 

    I feel the same about both of them.  I think both are inappropriate. 

    This has become a popular choice, glorified by “the knot” and other wedding websites saying it’s totally ok to do so, however, as little as 5, 10 or 20 years ago, I’m sure it would have offended people. 

    The knot, and other related websites, stores etc, all have a vested interest in telling you it is ok.  The more brides that put registry cards in their invites, the more business they generate.  People who may have given a cash gift, or something from another store, may now reconsider and buy something from JumboMart because that is the card they got, and they feel badly to buy from somewhere else.  We have seen lots of threads on here asking “Should I buy from the registry, or give this awesome other gift?” 

    Also the honeymoon registry places often charge a fee to be the administer of your account.  Honestly, if I wanted to give something towards a honeymoon, I’d give cash with a note that says treat yourself to X activity while you are in Awesomeland.  I don’t need someone to sign up for something like that.

    But now since it is being advertised as more acceptable, it’s become more of a “norm”, and therefore much less offensive

    I don’t think things becoming more normal makes them less offensive.  More people chew with their mouths open, don’t send thank you notes, don’t maintain proper manners, then 75 years ago, but I don’t think any of those things are less offensive.  It will never be inoffensive to ask for cash.

    So do you feel putting the videographer on the registry could become acceptable if it were glorified by wedding magazines saying it was a “modern” choice?  Or do you find both options offensive, not matter what has been labelled as “acceptable” by the wedding industry? Just curious because I think it’s interesting to see what drives different people’s opinions. πŸ™‚

    I think that the wedding industy will try to tell you, it’s a modern choice, it’s not offensive, but I don’t think that makes it so.  Both honeymoon and videographer registries are basically each asking for cash.  It’s cash that has been ear marked, but cash none the less.  That will never be polite.

    Personally, even knowing that 1 person on my registry would or could be offended by something on my registry would make me not register for that item.  I know it shouldn’t be about other people, but ultimately it may change the way people think about you.  I wouldn’t want to risk it over something like this.  It’s so simple to avoid.

    It’s not like if you don’t have a videographer/house down payment/honey moon regisitry, you can’t help guide people towards those choices, in a way that no one can be offended by.  Anyone who asks you, you can tell them you are saving for Y item, your family and friends can spread that information for you, (though I personally wouldn’t) you can put it on your wedding website.  The same way you can distribute info about a potential registry you can tell people what your wishes are.


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