All very good points, and I agree with the logic of your argument.
I have to say that I too am a traditionalist in most ways, and mourn the fact that manners seem a thing of the past. Disrespect is my biggest pet peeve, and I would never want to turn around and offend my own guests, who mean so much to me. So on one hand, making choices in order to avoid ruffling any guest’s feathers may be the best solution.
On the other hand, I do personally believe that certain traditions can be a little archaic when not refreshed or updated to current times/situations, and I applaud the bridal industry in pushing the envelope with certain trends. Of course, I know that they do this in order to ultimately produce more capital. But, whether I’m brain-washed, or just ridiculous, I have to admit, I love the idea of a confections table, tactfully-executed themed weddings, non-traditional color combos, unexpected decor, etc…all products that the bridal industry has intoduced recently to continue to evolve the concept of a wedding; all items that at one time did in fact push the envelope, potentially offended people, but as a result, broadened the perspective of what is considered traditional and/or acceptable.
Some people find anything that strays from a very formulaic wedding to be ridiculous, unnecessary and excessive, yet some find those things to be unique and charming. It’s all point of view. Just as some see listing specific registries as a blatant way of asking for money, and some see it as a way of helping guide the guests to useful gifts that will be truly memorable, appreciated, and needed by the B&G. Again, not to reiterate my original point, but who better than the couple to decide whether a wedding video will be more meaningful or necessary to their specific life together, than say, a blender would be? However, if that point of view is liable to offend, say, Grandma, or cousin Bob, or whoever, then it might not be worth the risk.
Even though I consider myself to be mostly a traditionist who is also open to new ideas, I would never support choices that are rude and tactless. Maybe the idea of registering for honeymoons and even more obscure things like a wedding video will never be widely accepted, even if the wedding industry pushes for these things to be deemed appropriate. Or, maybe it’s only a matter of time that “eating with your mouth open” will catch on and become the majority. Who knows. But no matter how many people forgo “writing thank you notes”, it still will be considered rude to those who esteem manners as important. And that’s a fact. And that’s something to consider!
Ultimately, I think when focusing on this specific case, if you as a couple are close to your guests, and the guests know the type of people you are (considerate, polite, amicable, well-mannered, reasonable), and you approach this type of registry in that exact way with tact then ultimately no one would ever question your motive. I think if you are inviting a lot of up tight strangers to your wedding, it could become problematic, but as long as you’re surrounded by people who love you and accept you, who know who you truly are as a couple and want the best for you, then I think I’m of the mind to say it’s acceptable.
Either way, I think a great compromise is to forgo posting it on a registry, and instead, traditionally pass along the word to our guests via our parents if anyone asks, so as not to offend anyone. That was a great suggestion!
Thanks for all the ideas, everyone. Not sure what we will ultimately do, but it’s been great to consider this idea from all angles. 🙂