(Closed) Registry vs. Check question

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
3344 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I don’t see anything wrong with giving a check that way you can give what you feel comfortable with.  I would give the check in the groom’s name since you don’t know if the bride will be changing her name and you don’t know that they bank jointly.

Post # 4
Member
1199 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Are you talking about an actual wedding present and not a bridal shower?  If so, then I think a check/money is fairly common and wouldn’t be an issue at all.  I think I have only bought something off a registry for the actual wedding for my one friend who didn’t have a bridal shower.  Otherwise I always give money for a wedding gift.

If it’s for a bridal shower then gift cards in denomentations you can afford are OK, or even going off the registry.

 

ETA: I would make a check out to X and Y.

Post # 5
Member
866 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

The simple answer: yes, write a check for whatever amount you’re comfrotable with. Include it in a fabulous card if you must, but always remember that gifts are optional. 

I absolutely sympathize with the position you feel you’re in with a wedding on that scale, and the pressure to give one of those expensive gifts. I’ve attended or consulted on countless black-tie and even white-tie weddings, and some of the registries have made me blink. I try to remind myself of two things when I see the likes of Tiffany and Riedel pop up:

a. This is a wish list, a suggestion list if you will, and nothing more. Regardless of the bride’s expectations (since you mentioned there was very little of the groom evident) of receiving lavish gifts, the reality is that she’ll get what she gets, send her thank-yous, and move on.

b. The registry isn’t targeted at the guest with the smallest paycheck. Will she receive what she wants? Obviously she thinks so, and if many of the guests fall in the upper salary markets, clearly she will. Let those who can afford it do so.

Now obviously many of us have worked very hard at creating balanced registries — mine ranges from $1.99 through $299 with most falling in the $25-$100 range) — but that isn’t always the case. You’re attending, your SO is attending, you’re busy people with lives of your own. You’re doing enough, and anything involving a check is a generous token.

Our website has a Registry section, but the first thing a guest reads when they click is this phrase: “While it is your presence, rather than your presents, we desire most…” Repeat as often as necessary 😀

Post # 7
Member
1199 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

@mandypop:  Some people talk about ‘covering your plate’ for your gift but I feel like that is not really followed so much (in my experience at least).  Surely the bride and groom know that not everyone on their guest list can afford that – I know I wouldn’t expect that.

Post # 8
Member
764 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

That’s impressive. I think we only had two things over $100 on our registry. We were surprised to get them both.

Post # 10
Member
328 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I think a nice card and a check would be fine! I think it’s presumptuous for brides/grooms to assume that everyone who is coming to their wedding can “afford” to give a nice gift. Give what you can and feel comfortable with. I am inviting people to my wedding that maybe can’t “afford” to cover their head, but that would never keep me from inviting them anyways. I just hope they show up and enjoy themselves! A gift is exactly that–a gift, and made in the spirit of joy, not stress!

Post # 12
Member
866 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

@mandypop: Haha steal away! And now I’m trying to figure out what the other 3 registries are, but those two always come first into my mind due to their popularity and high-quality reputation, at least in the Boston/NE luxury crowd. I’m going to guesss Saks (or Neiman’s, or Barney’s), Sur la Table, and maybe Pottery Barn? Baccarat?

I had a bride once ask if she could create a luxury-car registry — like a Honeyfund but for a new BMW convertible. Yep. I convinced her to go with something else. 😀

Post # 13
Member
635 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

This is the kind of wedding I’d decline to attend, especially if you don’t know both halves of the couple very well. I can’t imagine making my guests wear tuxes. I feel bad enough about making my own wedding party spend money on their clothes. It’s perfectly acceptable to send a nice card and wish them well.

Post # 15
Member
273 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

There is no requirement for you to get a gift off of their registry.  If you don’t want to give cash, you could try and do some sort of homemade item to commemorate their wedding date or something.  Also, anything engraved or somewhat sentimental would be appreciated as well, I’m sure. 

Is it possible that the less expensive items have already been snapped up from the registry?  I find that happens to me sometimes if I put off getting a gift until it gets closer to the bridal shower or wedding.

I just checked my own registry to see the most expensive items that I have on there, and I only have 3 things that are above $70. I actually had no input from my Fiance on the registry – I did it all online and I’m pretty sure he still hasn’t looked at it even though I’ve asked him several times.  I really only registered because my mom and sister guilted me into it. 

 

Post # 16
Member
786 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

I think its fine to give a check or cash. We have a lot of high end stuff on our registry (I think there are a few items that are almost $1000) but we also tried to balance it out with some less expensive stuff as well. Many of our guests are very wealthy and many of them, especially those who are young, don’t have as much disposable income. So its always nice to have something for everyone. Its fine to make a registry with only very expensive items, but you just have to know going in that there is a good chance you won’t get everything you wanted from the registry.

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