Post # 1
A friend of mine is getting married in two months, in a private ceremony with her husband. No guests, no family, using the officiant that comes with the venue and a random witness, etc. No one is invited, at all, just her and her Fiance. It’s in a remote destination and after the ceremony they will have their honeymoon at the destination. A few days ago, my friend set up registries with two different stores and registered for $6,000 worth of stuff, ranging from $6 items to big $1500 pieces of furniture. There are about 90 items on her registry.
She asked me if it seemed rude or gift-grabby, and my first reaction was, “I’m not sure, but I think it’s kind of weird.” But I don’t know so she gave me permission to ask what you guys think.
A few things that people might ask about:
- No, they are not sending the registry information out or posting it on facebook. The only way people can find it is by googling the couple or asking about their registry.
- They expect gifts from 3-6 people, but know at least a few of those people will be giving cash.
- There will be no pre-wedding parties (bachelor/ette party, engagement party, bridal shower)
- These are all “want” things, not “need” things (upgrades they don’t need of stuff they already have), so they will not be purchasing the items that they do not receive.
- Both registeries give 10% off items that the couples purchases themselves after the registry is closed, but the registries also allow you to add new items after the wedding specifically to get that discount (so if they planned on getting that piece of furniture themselves, they didn’t have to put it on the registry)
What do you think? Part of me thinks, “Whatever, they’re not hurting anyone with their registry” but part of me thinks, “If that were my registry and people knew I wasn’t having a wedding with guests, I’d be so embarrassed if anyone googled me and somehow found it.” My friend basically thinks that if people happen to want to get her a gift and look for her registry, then that’s cool, but she’s worried that it might look bad and that maybe she should delete one of them or get rid of some items.
Post # 2
There’s always that generous person who wants to get you a gift no matter what, so good to be prepared. And I guess taking advantage of a 10% discount is nice as well. That’s what they’re doing really, IMO, is getting themselves a discount on their wants. Personally if I were doing a ‘just in case’ registry, there would be about 10 low-cost items on it and that’s it. But my own wedding registry, to which we invited about 60 people, had less than 30 registry items, so what do I know? haha.
The only way I’d roll my eyes would be if they shared it with everyone, regardless of being asked to do so, but if they’re keeping it quiet, then it’s just a weird, almost pointless thing to do, so meh.
Post # 3
No. I wouldn’t set up a registry when I wasn’t having a wedding. If people want to get something, let them send cash or gift cards, or come up with something and I can return it if need be. Setting up a registry is too presumptuous for me.
Post # 4
I would side-eye this hardcore. Seems extremely, exceptionally gift grabby.
Post # 5
Vaguely related story: My Fiance has a very google-able name, as in there is literally only one of him in the world. So, when we first started dating, I googled him and came across a wedding registry. I was kinda pissed. Like, wtf how did you not mention that you were engaged before?! So I brought it up to him and he was so confused. I pulled it up on the computer and it was a registry his Girlfriend (at the time) had made years ago, but that he is still tied to. I guess what I’m saying is, at least your friend is actually getting married when she created her wedding registry.
FWIW, I wouldn’t register if I wasn’t having a wedding and I absolutely wouldn’t be registering for $1500 items.
Post # 6
A gift registry in that context? No.
Post # 7
I think it’s gift grabby. I would think of giving a gift before seeing it; if I found it before I sent the gift, I’d reconsider and send a card with well wishes.
Post # 8
We are having a very small immediate families only wedding (10 guests) and we aren’t registering. To me, it seems gift grabby when you aren’t going to have lots of guests.
Post # 9
I understand the discount thing; however, I think it comes across as greedy and presumptuous (If that’s what you mean my gift-grabby). My bigger question is this: the couple aren’t supposed to tell people (or more clearly, people arent supposed to ask the couple) where they are registered in ‘normal’ weddings and the guests are encouraged/expected to contact the families and/or bridal parties of the couple who then give out that info.
With no bridal party, the expectation is that the couple would be the only ones with this info, so it seems like it would be super awkward. If a handful of people are giving gifts, they’re probably close to/part of the family, so they could just ask mom and dad. That’s the only way I feel like it’s acceptable.
Post # 10
I could see a small handful of items (not big expensive ones) so that if someone searched, they would find a minimal registry. I think what she is doing now is in incredibly poor taste. You don’t skip wedding guests and then put 1500.00 gifts on a registr.
Post # 12
I totally understand that they want the discount, but I would say MOST people do not know about those post-event discounts so it’s going to look super gift-grabby.
, your picture just made my snort coffee at my desk!
Post # 13
This is definitely strange. I’d say it’s gift-grabby except that your friend is not advertising the registry, making the whole thing even weirder! I get that some people want a lot of gifts regardless of etiquette. I just don’t understand a jam-packed secret registry.
Post # 14
Initially I want to say this is “gift grabby,” but they aren’t advertising the registry. The whole thing is just a bit weird to me.
Post # 15
How is it gift-grabby if no one knows about it and shes not telling anyone about it? I say go for it, so they can get the 10% discount on the stuff they want.