Post # 1
My FH and I are in our early 30s and will already be living together by the time we get married. We dont need a ton of household stuff that we don’t already have, though upgrades wouldn’t hurt. How should we deal with the registry situation?
Is asking for donations to a honeymoon fund or honeymoon activities considered rude? That’s probably what we need the moat but don’t want to come off as rude.
Btw, either way we would definitely tell guests that they should not feel obligated to give gifts, especially if they are coming from out of town
Post # 2
rvrmtn10 : yes asking for donations is tacky and rude. Your wedding is not a fund raiser… I would make a small registry only. For the most part, people Are aware that cash is preferred.
Post # 3
Everyone knows that people want cash as gifts. Make a small registry for people who insist on buying you a gift and leave it at that.
No matter what you do, you will end up with gifts you didn’t ask for.
Post # 4
Honeyfunds are just a roundabout way of straight up asking for cash which is super tacky imo. Just don’t register at all. People will get the hint and hey will bring cash. If you’re worried about people bringin gifts anyways, register for a few things that will actually be used and once that item is marked as sold on your registry people will bring money.
Post # 5
Overwhelming opinions on this board are that these registries etc. are tacky FYI and you may get flamed for asking.
Don’t register at all – people will bring cash, it happens.
Post # 6
And I’ll admit that when I’ve seen people straight up ask for “cash gifts preferred” on their invites, I’ve been tempted to give them a random gift.
Post # 7
I personally have never been offended by a honeymoon-type registry and I think it’s silly to be offended over something like that. But as this website will tell you in about T minus 5, a lot of people ARE offended by it. And each to their own.
If you just don’t register for anything, people will figure it out 🙂
Post # 8
KittyYogi : I’m not as bothered by the honeyfunds because I totally understand why they are a thing. I’m bothered by the fact that you are telling people that they are paying for an excursion or dinner and that’s not what is actually happening AND there is a fee that is deducted. I’d rather just give cash to the couple.
Also, I give cash at ALL weddings I go to.
Post # 9
Create a smalll registry for those who insist on a physical gift. You might as well get something you like. People will give cash. You get all of it with no fee deducted by Honeyfund.
Miss Manners commented on this recently. She said that rather than couples who already live together and have their home set up) having to think of creative ways to extract cash from their guests’ wallets, the guests consider not gifting them at all.
Post # 10
I realize this thread is 4 weeks old but I felt the need to respond in defense of honeyfunds/not caring too much (or at all) about what “miss manners” says and instead deferring to the dominant view among your social circles.
About half of the weddings I’ve been to in the past several years have included a honeyfund in lieu of or in addition to a traditional registry. I’ve never heard anyone say they were offended by this, rather it seems that in my circles this is a completely normal, reasonable, and acceptable thing to do.
Ask yourself what sort of people you’re inviting to your wedding. Are they the sort of people that would get uppity about whether you’ve adhered to standard wedding registry conventions and would be pissed that you asked for an experiential gift rather than something physical, or expressed a preference for cash rather than pretending like you’d happily receive house stuff you don’t need and have no space for? Or are they more laid back about that sort of thing, such that they’d just be happy to feel like they have guidance on what you actually want?
And sure, maybe people would be offended at a honeyfund for reasons other than being uppity and etiquette-obsessed. I just can’t fathom what those reasons would be, especially among those who would otherwise lean toward giving cash as a gift. Why be happy to give cash as a gift when you’ve received no suggestion for how the cash will be spent, but not when you have? The honeyfund combines the practicality of gifting/receiving cash with the more personal nature of physical gifts (e.g., if I’m a big fan of cooking, I can opt to sponsor that Thai cooking class you asked for in the same way that I might pick out a nice bamboo cutting board from your traditional gift registry. In neither case is the point that you must do/keep/use/enjoy this gift, rather it’s a way of expressing myself while still giving you something that you’ve indicated you would like). If anyone would care to enlighten me though, please do!
Post # 11
Most honeyfund type sites skim a certain % off of it and I’m super annoyed by that. We just give a check. Most of my friends just don’t mention a registry at all and people understand and provide checks.
Post # 12
curiouscat2017 : Okay, that makes sense. But to me a honeyfund is just another option– it doesn’t mean you can’t give cash. Is that not how you see it though, or is there something about even providing that option that annoys you?
Post # 13
I just don’t like people telling me what to do with my money.
Post # 14
I recently registerd on an art registry. I already have all I need for my house so I wanted to do some intereio decorating. I registered for a beautiful piece of art from mishkalo tht lets my guests all pitch in for a piece that I normally couldnt afford on my own.
Post # 15
just gonna agree that its pretty universally understood a small registry = “we would prefer cash”