Post # 1
Member
614 posts
Busy bee
So, I have just begun thinking about our registry, since our wedding is less than a year away.
BUT, I’m having problems with FI. He doesn’t seem to think that we need to register for certain items that we already have (we’re living together). I keep on stressing to him that we need to upgrade on several items, but he just doesn’t get it. He keeps saying, “We have that item…my parents bought you flatware for Christmas; it will be a waste if we register for new flatware…I don’t think we need new wine glasses…the toaster works just fine…I like my old towels…” ETC.
He doesn’t want anything that we already have. He just doesn’t get that we have 225 people invited to the wedding, and there are THREE showers planned for me already!!) We HAVE to register for things. He says he just wants people to give us money, but there is NO good way to say, “Hey, hand over the cash!”
I’d really like to do a Honeymoon registry, but my Mom thinks that it’s tacky.
WHAT DO I DO?? I need advice, Bees! Tell me how you handled your registry!
Post # 3
Member
9188 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
- Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA
If you want to do a honeymoon registry, just do it. Some people might think it’s tacky, but they don’t have to use it.
I just kept telling my fiance, “This is the household stuff we’ll be using FOR LIFE! This is our ONE CHANCE to get decent stuff!” Which sounds overly dramatic, but we are pretty frugal and wouldn’t buy matching plates, nice pots, etc etc for ourselves. Eventually it stuck. Repetition is the key, and he will bend to your will eventually 😉
Post # 4
Member
614 posts
Busy bee
@lolot: That’s a good point. I think I’ll suggest that to him. I haven’t presented it to him like that.
Post # 5
Member
1110 posts
Bumble bee
@MissBatman: Have you considered registering at some non-traditional stores? If there is a store that you and your FI frequent (i.e. an outdoors store if you are campers, a sporting-goods store if you are into sports, etc) you could register there for things you do need, and things that your FI might be more excited about.
I am in the same boat as you in that my FI and I already live together and we have a lot of items already which we would have registered for otherwise. For things likes sheets and towels, you can really never have enough of those, and it doesnt mean you need to get rid of what you have. Try taking your FI with you when you register so he can actually see all the nice new items… it may make him realize how nice it would be to replace or add to what you have now.
Are there any larger items, like patio furniture or a BBQ, that you could put on your registry for people to go in on together?
Post # 6
Member
2688 posts
Sugar bee
Haha! I had this problem with H when we registered. He couldn’t understand why we needed to upgrade. I explained to him that we’re adults now, and we should get the nicer stuff that will last us for years and not just deal with the cheap stuff we bought in college to get by. I think I sort of swayed him, but mostly I just told him, “No, we need X, I’m going to register for X. We might not need it right now, but in the future, we will. Trust me.”
But it is a balancing act. I would have liked new flatware, but we already had some that was nice enough so I didn’t push it. As long as what we had was quality and functioned correctly, I didn’t bother. But I did want matching plates, nice glasses, more wine glasses, new towels and bathroom set, and china (H totally didn’t understand why I wanted china) so that’s what we registered for. We also planned to expand. In the next few years to we plan to have kids, so we’ll need more than just a handful of unmatching plates. We also like to have parties and family come visit so we’ll need enough wine glasses and a bigger coffee maker and more towels.
Also, PP had a good point: you can register for non-traditional stuff too. We registered for camping gear and REI and tools at Sears. But I would strongly advise against doing a honeymoon registry. HM registries are dressed up cash registries and are rude. Some people don’t mind them, but they do offend/put off a lot of people. So it’s best just not to do it. Regardless of what and how much you regsiter for, people will ALWAYS give cash. We had a large physical registery and at least half of our gifts were still cash.
Post # 7
Member
787 posts
Busy bee
i feel its called a “BRIDAL SHOWER” for a reason….hes not the bride….so go for it!
we are doing a co-ed shower so i kinda have to suck it up and approve of the golf stand and other useless things (that i will never use) and he will also suck it up that i will be getting “crap” he will never use…
but its your shower, and 225 people…shoot…do what you want everything new- i live with my FI and im asking few new everything in the kitchen. his ex-fi bought most of it and i still use it, i tell him all the time “dinner sucked because it was her baking dish” or whatever…ha but i dont have money to buy everything new myself so registry it goes!
Post # 8
Member
2907 posts
Sugar bee
This is what I said to my fiance when we were registering:
“Honey, I know you think this stuff is dumb and you would rather have cash. But I’m having two bridal showers and people don’t bring cash to those, plus some people just don’t like giving cash at weddings. So we can either pick out stuff we actually want, or we can let people pick out stuff for us and risk winding up with 500 tea kettles and 30 ugly serving platters that we then have to take to the Salvation Army after faking enthusiasm in our thank you notes.”
He said, “You know what? You’re right. Register for the highball glasses.”
Post # 9
Member
7935 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
I’d just add stuff online when he’s not looking, haha!
Post # 10
Member
289 posts
Helper bee
@MissBatman: Go with your girlfriends and SCAN AWAY! My FI and I live together so we both have crappy stuff from college and I CANNOT WAIT to register! We’ve narrowed it down to two great stores but when worse comes to worse, just scan that extra gravy bowl and you can always return for a gift card to use later! It’s better to have too much than too little and then scurry at the last minute to add on to your registry, especially if you have three showers! Enjoy! 🙂
Post # 12
Member
11242 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
@Westwood: LOL this is what I ended up doing. I DID take his tastes into consideration, and he DID come with me a couple of times, but he was just not interested.
Post # 13
Member
12259 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
Haha, my DH was so into registering he held the gun the whole time!
We ended up getting 90% cash, anyway!
I would get FI to go with you, and show him the REALLY cool things they make! My DH went CRAZY for the toaster that makes eggs and the Roomba. Oh my God, he seriously spent 6 months going Room-ba, Room-ba. Room-ba, Room-ba!
Post # 14
Member
614 posts
Busy bee
@Little_Nut88: I’ve suggested that he register at Bass Pro or Menards, but he said he didn’t want to do that…maybe he’ll change his mind??
@AndysCraftsNmore: YES! We use plates/mugs/bowls that his ex’s family gave him! It belonged to his ex’s sister. YUCK. Definitely need new dinnerware!
@KatieBklyn: Hahaha…love it! And those are GREAT points. That’s definitely something I’ll be using on him..haha.
@Westwood: I’m tempted to!!! In fact, I probably will.
@FutureMrsK2014: I agree! Much better to have too much than too little.
I think that once we actually go to the stores and register, maybe things will make more sense to FI. I HOPE.
Post # 15
Member
614 posts
Busy bee
@BrandNewBride: ROOM-BA! ROOM-BA!!! Haha. Hilarious. I know FI really wants a new vacuum, so at least we know of one big item!
He also wants a TV and a grill, so we have a FEW big items.
Post # 16
Member
614 posts
Busy bee
I’ve also suggested to FI that if he’s concerned about the money wasted by replacing items, we could have a garage sale…did anyone do that?? What did your FI think of that?
