Regret

posted 2 months ago in Ceremony
Post # 2
Member
778 posts
Busy bee

So he faced the front the whole time? When did he turn around? I do think that’s a bit weird, but maybe he was super nervous? 

Post # 3
Member
3121 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

View original reply
@Anna2021:  Things go wrong at weddings and sometimes nervousness gets the best of us. I wouldn’t focus on the negative for the rest of my life. What are some things about your wedding day that went well? I would focus on those.

Post # 4
Member
674 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2021

Do you mean that he back was toward the aisle the whole time? That is very strange! I’ve never seen that at a wedding before. I can definitely see why you’d be bothered by that, but I don’t think it’s worth dwelling on every day. I agree that you should try to focus on the parts of your wedding day you did enjoy. However, it might also be worth bringing up to your husband if you can figure out how to do it in a way that won’t hurt his feelings. Just understanding why he did that (anxiety, not knowing what he was supposed to do, etc,) might bring you some closure!

Post # 5
Member
7984 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

Have you spoken with him about it? Men are funny sometimes; perhaps he thought he wasn’t supposed to watch? Either way, it’s water under the bridge. Find out what his thoughts are; talk about it and get it out in the open. It is likely you will laugh about this in a few years, but to think about it “every day” now seems a bit obsessive. If discussing it with him doesn’t help alleviate that, perhaps you should seek counseling. Do you tend to have other obsessive or intrusive thoughts?

Post # 6
Member
1310 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2019

At my sister’s wedding, her husband didn’t turn around until she was nearly there. At the time, it upset her too. But it turned out that he was so overwhelmed by emotions that he was already crying as soon as he heard her entrance music. He’s usually a pretty jokey, unsentimental guy, so him crying was very unusual, and he thought that if he turned around and started blubbering then it would have distracted people and taken away from her moment.

There’s often an explanation for this kind of thing. He didn’t get to the point where he was standing at the end of that aisle due to sheer indifference to you. Just have a calm discussion, figure out what happened and then try to focus on the loveliest moments of your wedding.

Post # 7
Member
4104 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

Have you ever asked him about it in a non confrontational way? Has he been to many  weddings? I could totally see a guy who hadn’t been to many weddings thinking that he wasn’t supposed to turn around until you got to the front, especially if you hyped up not seeing each other until the wedding. I’m sorry you didn’t get that moment you wanted, but you’ll continue to make new memories together and eventually this moment from your wedding won’t seem like such a big deal.

Post # 8
Member
3195 posts
Sugar bee

Are you serious? Some people literally CAN’T get married right now. Be thankful you were even able to get married in a pandemic!! Focus on the positives.

Post # 9
Member
720 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2020

I say this kindly, but you need to let this go. You married him. You love him. He loves you. The wedding was ONE DAY out of your ENTIRE LIFE. I’m sure he was more present the rest of the day, I don’t think it’s worth thinking about this every day when it was only probably a few minutes and then you and he got married. Just focus on the important parts. 

Post # 10
Member
1246 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2018 - UK

He was probably just nervous, or worried he was going to get emotional, or possibly just confused about what he was supposed to be doing. I don’t think there’s much to read into here, it sounds like you’re letting yourself get very upset over a small thing that probably wasn’t intentional. There’s nothing you can do to change what happened, and if the rest of your wedding and marriage are good then it’s something to try and let go of.

Post # 11
Member
394 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

There is no nice way to say it but I think may be get over it. 

You are falling into the ‘everything has to be like the movies’ trap and there is no happy endings that way. If you had a wonderful wedding and are married to a wonderful man then wake up every day and count each one of those blessings instead. It’s a choice what we think about and you are focussing on something completely inconsequential in the scheme of life. 

I will temper all that with – I do get it – we all have our ideas of little moments that will be special or wonderful things that will happen. Some happen, some don’t and sometimes something even better you could never have predicted happens when you open yourself up and just let life be. 

I have wanted to walk down the aisle to a specific song for years and years and years and I played the moment out in my head and it was all lovely and emotz. In reality I don’t think I actually heard it when the moment came. Still I am sure it was very nice for everyone else. Who cares. I had the best day and I am very lucky to have the man and life I do. 

Don’t sweat the small stuff. And try to make a conscious choice every time you think about it to counteract it with a lovely memory instead. 

Post # 12
Member
1138 posts
Bumble bee

If you really do think about this every day, this might be something to talk to a therapist about. It’s not a healthy pattern of thinking to be focused on something so small for more than a minute. 

I went down the aisle first, and honestly? I’ve no idea which way I was facing when my husband went down the aisle. There was so much happening! I’ve no idea what he was looking at either! 

I get not havng our expectations met can feel hard. But unless there is something that you left out, you’ve married a person who loves you, and that’s awesome! 

Post # 13
Member
4420 posts
Honey bee

Where was he looking?  At every wedding I’ve ever been to, the groom and his attendants are typically looking down the aisle during the procession.

 

Post # 14
Member
5121 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

View original reply
@Anna2021:  honestly, OP I’ve  been married 8 years and your wedding day seems so big at the time and it’s easy to focus on what wasn’t 100 percent perfect. As time goes on and with each passing year, your wedding day falls into the back of your mind and gets replaced with new firsts and happy memories you will continually create together as a couple. Your wedding day will always be a special day but it will be one of many  in a group of lots of special days. 

My guess is that he got nervous and forgot to turn around. He may have just been emotional in a happy way and needed that time turned away to compose himself or stay composed or he just  didn’t realise he was supposed  to turn around! If he’s loving and good to you always then I really would not let one small oopsy like this which is likely the result of nerves and emotions on his part to tarnish your memories. You are both human and fallible. You are not going to get it right every time. Ive said this before on here but my hubby got so nervous when he proposed that he forgot all his planned words so he literally opened the box and his proposal was ”are you going to put this on?”. ๐Ÿ™„๐Ÿคฃ I found it funny and it ironically fit us much more as a couple than proposal story with lots of flowery words.  I tease him by using those words to him at random times where the sentence ‘are you going to put this on?’ totally fits like when I hand him a pair of fresh jocks from the clothesline, a paper hat from the cracker at Christmas and even once a condom during sex! We both just end up laughing together over it. My point is that instead of being upset by it when it likely wasn’t a deliberate choice on his part, you should probably just see the humour in it and move forward. Hoepfully you’ll  get to a point where you can just laugh about it together because OP its the non picture perfect, non fairytale moments that bond as a couple. You are choosing to focus on 30 seconds of your wedding day and 30 seconds of your whole relationship together and allowing that to diminish and supercede all those other wonderful things that led you to wanting to say yes to a lifetime with him. How would you feel if your husband put so much emphasis on one 30 second moment that wasn’t perfect instead of the other billion seconds where you’d shown him love and how much he meant to you? You need to mkvevpassed this.

Post # 15
Member
1780 posts
Buzzing bee

You got married, he loves you and wants to spend the rest of his life with you, you’re happy…those are the positives.  Weddings don’t always go the way we planned them when the day comes.  It is not the end of the world that he didn’t watch you walk down the aisle. Yes, I know it’s bothering you right now, but in time, hopefully you will move past it.  My friend told me that when she walked down the aisle, she had wanted her husband to be completely focused on her and the video captured him waving and saying hi to everyone around him instead of watching her walk down the aisle.  They’ve poked fun at themselves over it for many years and it’s nice to see they can laugh about it and didn’t dwell on it.  I couldn’t even find my husband for the cake cutting part so I just got the photos done on my own!  LOL.  No biggie.  I guess some things just don’t bother me as much as they would other people, that’s all I’m saying.  Surely, your wedding day was beautiful and memorable regardless of that one part.

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