Regret not asking friend to be in wedding party still a year later

posted 2 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
Member
8450 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

froglegs :  

I hope I don’t sound dismissive, I really don’t mean to , but I would  think you have a lot more interesting  and important  things going on now than to keep on thinking about  someone  you might have asked to be a bridemaid a year ago .

You asked asked the one did ask for a good  reason.  That she couldn’t and now her life seem to have diverged from your yours  now  is a pity , but it happens doesn’t it? If you have told your new friend  how much you would have liked to have had her instead,  I;m sure that is suffcient for her . So now, you know , it’s probably a good idea to drop it for your own sake .  No one else will be at all concerned  about someone else wedding party decisions  now. 

Post # 3
Member
2857 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

froglegs :  I think it’s time to just let it go and move on. Obviously Barbara has ended the friendship for one reason or another but it doesn’t sound like she was that great of a friend anyways. There is literally nothing you can do now about not asking the other friend to be in the bridal party so I wouldn’t dwell on it any longer.

Post # 5
Member
536 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

froglegs :  As a person that struggles getting over regrets, all I can recommend is focusing on the positives and remembering that everything happens for a reason. Barbara is clearly not a true friend so thankfully she couldn’t attend the wedding or you’d have life long pictures of her. As far as Shayna goes, she’s still a great friend and you have a bright future together. There will be plenty of other exciting life events (baby showers, milestone b-days, girls night out reunions) that you can celebrate together and take pictures to put right next to your wedding photos. You can’t change the past, but maybe that’s a good thing. Maybe if Shayna was in the bridal party it would have went terribly, maybe something would have occurred that would have ruined the friendship. Maybe she’s the type of person that wouldn’t even liked being in a bridal party or would have felt funny because she’s newer to the group. Honestly, most people don’t get to include ALL their friends in their bridal party, so it’s pretty normal that you just picked your friends of the longest amount of time.

Overall you made the best decision you could at the time. Don’t regret that. Hang those wedding photos and be proud to say that you have so many good friends 🙂 

Post # 6
Member
12226 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

Please don’t say anything to Shayna. You acknowledge you aren’t as close to her as some of the mutual friends. BMs are supposed to be chosen for their very close relationship to you, not because they are part of the same group. In addition, it’s unnecessary and inconsiderate to tell someone why they weren’t invited to do something. 

Obviously, your former friend Barbara has an issue, either of her own or with you and others in your bridal party. If she has ended the relationship, there’s not much you can do.

Regretting your choice now is a waste of time and energy. In hindsight, it sounds like neither of them should have been asked. 

Post # 7
Member
4578 posts
Honey bee

A wedding is just a snapshot of a specific moment in time that celebrates two people getting married. It’s not some all-encompassing montage of everything important in your life. The lack of her being a bridesmaid doesn’t equal a lack of importance in your life. Likewise, a person being a bridesmaid at that one occasion doesn’t equal the status of being important in your life for all your days. Relationships ebb and flow. That’s just a part of life. And your life is bigger than the 5-8 hours that was your wedding and getting ready for your wedding. Being hung up on not making those 5-8 hours completely perfect as you think it should be now a year after the fact means you miss out on all the hours happening in your life now. What happens if you and Shayna have a falling out 6 months from now? Or a year from now? What happens if you discover the reason Barbara fell off the face of the earth was because she got involved in an abusive relationship or a loved one got diagnosed with a terminal illness? There are all sorts of reasons things happen, some we’re privy to and some we’re not and we make the best decisions we can with the information available at the time. You obviously remained friends – being a bridesmaid lasts one day, the friendship is all the other days of all the other years. What is more important? The one day or the other 364?

Post # 8
Member
395 posts
Helper bee

I am a romantic at heart.  You can’t change the past.  Maybe speak to her and perhaps purchase someting special like a bracelet that you and her only have and explain you cant change the past but your want to have a great future with her as a friend and move on.  Closure:)

Post # 9
Member
939 posts
Busy bee

Maybe have a fun day with Shayna and take a picture with her that you can frame for your wall.  Non wedding pictures are worthy of being hung on the wall!  I know having her as a bridesmaid is a way to show how much you care for her, but at the same time, there are other activities and actions that can also show this to her now that the wedding is passed.  I think it sounds like you’re better off without Barbara in your life.  She seems to have moved on.  Sometimes that happens and we will never know why, and sometimes there isn’t even an answer as to why a person moves on!  It just happens with life!

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