Post # 1
Ok, this is my story…
I moved to this country 6 years ago, I come from a very small and low income family. I’ve been with my fiancé for 4 years. He comes from a huge and wealthy family. We got engaged in February and we were planning on having a small wedding and paying it ourselves. Obviously his mother was not very happy about having a small wedding or us paying for the wedding, since she wanted to invite all of her friends. My fiancé told me that he did NOT wanted his parents to be involved in the wedding, but since they were so nice to me in the past 4 years I thought that everything was going to be great (NOT). So we accepted, and let her know that a big fancy wedding is not what we wanted, but she insisted that it was only going to be close friends.
She only gave us 30 invitations, between my fiancé and I, while she is having 150 people, she has organized everything how she wants it and if I have a suggestion or an opinion she get really upset and does not talk to us in days. Now I know why my fiancé did not wanted her to be involved. Now I feel terrible, we are one month before the wedding and every time someone from my side RSVP’d that they are coming instead of being happy I feel guilty. I know it’s too late now, but I feel that I tried to make her happy and have the wedding that she wanted and now I am not enjoying the process.
Don’t know what to do now
Post # 3
Oh I am sorry you are dealing with this that sounds horrible. Can your Fiance tell her that it is still your wedding? I hope that your day is wonderful for you and your future husband despite the planning issues!
Post # 4
The only problem is that they are paying for it. While I agree that she is going overboard, since you accepted her money and let her go crazy with the planning, it is sort of too late now. Just remember that overall it is about you getting married to your Fiance and that’s the part that is most important! If there are people that you really wish could have celebrated with you, I would consider a hometown reception or something.
Post # 5
The good thing is that my Fiance knows how she is and he does tell her, but still is like she manipulates me and makes me feel terrible. I’m looking forward for the rest of my life with him and not only that night. He tells me every morning that I’m his family now….I love him 🙂
Post # 6
I’m sorry to hear this. I think it’s kinda a little too late to back out. Just enjoy the little things you have. Like e.g. your own guests (~30 or less) and your ceremony, the fact you’re getting married, your dress, your own family… and just don’t worry about the rest and don’t put too much effort into the process if you’re not enjoying it. You shouldn’t feel guilty though. You only get to have 30 guests and she gets to have 150. All of your 30 guests should come.
Get a vow renewal sometime down the road in a way that you want.
Post # 7
Aw, I’m so sorry you’re experience isn’t what it should be! I agree, a vow renewal can be a great way to live out the wedding you dreamed of. What a selfish Mother your fiance has! I hope you still have an amazing time, try to keep your distance from her as much as you can on that day.
Post # 8
This is me being a little passive agressive but I see three options:
1. Don’t show up.
2. Have your own small wedding before her date that she’s doing all the work for.
3. Grin and bear it.
Post # 9
Ok. I’m going to be honest and I’m not sure if you are going to like what I am going to say.
Since you are only 1 month from the ceremony, I would imagine that pretty much everything is already done. Since you accepted her offer to pay and have allowed her to plan everything without putting your foot down and telling her that you get some say in it, I think you are out of luck.
I think if you had made a point sooner that you MUST have say in the decisions that are made, you may have been able to have more things that you wanted. But now, it is too late.
At this point, if you want to invite more of your friends over the 30 people that she allotted you, you should still be able to. I think that she has taken advantage of your passive nature and is bulldozing you over because she can.
This might be the time to really state your independence if you decide to ask for more people. Aside from that, if you decide now to protest all of the wedding plans, I think you will come across as extremely ungrateful and her dislike for you (which it sounds like she has had for some time for whatever reason) will grow.
Just remember that even if this isn’t what you wanted, you are still getting to marry your fiance, the person you chose to be with. The day may not be ask you imagined, but the result will be the same. Is it worth severly hampering your relationship with you future in laws if you do something drastic?
Post # 10
I think it’s a little too late to do anything. Just enjoy what of it you can. I have some friends I know from college whose parents are wealthy and own businesses and their wedding receptions were a big show for those people but you know what? they still had fun. Cuz you just don’t have to hang out with them!!! Say hello, then move on to your friends and family and spending the night with your new husband. Nobody says you have to hang out with his parents and their friends all night.
THis sucks but use it as a lesson…don’t let it ever happen again! Put your foot down up front and don’t let them manipulate you and take advantage of you.
Post # 11
You are all right!!! I know it’s my fault and it’s too late. Thanks for reminding me the importance of getting married to my fiancé and not the thinking about a wedding that she is planning for her friends.
I feel better now, and I promise I will have FUN J