Post # 1
Member
290 posts
Helper bee
Hey Bees
My reason for regret is not because something terrible happened. Its just that i am having a small destination wedding and i feel i have too many bridesmaids. when i first got engaged, i asked my 3 best friends that i knew since high school to be my BMs, plus i have my sis who i kinda had to ask to be my maid of honor.then this other friend that i have been really close with in the past and am still pretty close with asked me who my BMs were. it was quite obvious why she was asking and i had thought of her….at the time she asked me, i was still undecided what i would do and told her as such. i then heard from my other BMs that she was bummed i didn’t ask her…..so i finally asked her. when i did ask her, i had basically convinced myself that i truly wanted her a Bridesmaid or Best Man and when its comes to the wedding day, its not like i would be upset by her being a Bridesmaid or Best Man…its just well, i STILL feel i have too many BMs. oh, i forgot to say that i also asked my FIs niece to be a junior Bridesmaid or Best Man because i knew how happy it would make her and i wanted to include my FIs family more (and i was really happy and wanted to include my niece-to-be)
so that makes SIX BMs for a small destination wedding. Last, my Fiance does not really have close guy friends that will be coming to the wedding. so his groomsmen are his nephew and MY brother in law – a grand total of two!
i feel like if we were having a big wedding and each had 4 – 6 on our respective sides, then it would be okay. but i can’t help feeling that 6:2 is just SO imbalanced and i kinda regret asking this girl. plus i am not as close with her as we used to be and i realized when i convinced myself to ask her, its because i made myself think of how our friendship used to be….not how it is now.
i guess there is not much i can do, because i certainly don’t want to hurt her and say “no, i dont want you as Bridesmaid or Best Man anymore”….i guess i am just looking for comments/opinions about whether my imbalanced bridal party will look very silly. or am i over reacting??
Post # 3
Member
8353 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
No, there isn’t much you can do about it now, but I am sure it will look great for pictures. I don’t have any right now, but I have seen some really awesome pictures with more on one side than the other, and who know, maybe your Fiance will think of someone else that he would like to stand up there with him.
Post # 4
Member
1285 posts
Bumble bee
Why don´t you explain the whole situation to her, just the way you did it here? If she is a close friend she might understand your problem, and maybe there is another way to include her in the wedding, so that she still has the feeling of being more important than the other guests.
Post # 5
Member
290 posts
Helper bee
i don’t think i could explain it to her and her not be offended. As it would basically mean that I having everyone else i asked, except her….i just wish i hadn’t felt pressured at the time.
I am mainly worried that it is going to look silly with a ratio of 6:2 …
Post # 6
Member
2714 posts
Sugar bee
I wouldn’t worry about it too much… we’re having 6 girls and 3 guys… At first I was worried about it looking weird and lopsided, but the PP is right, I have since seen some great pictures with uneven bridal parties. I think you’ll be fine. 🙂
Post # 7
Member
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
It will be fine. There’s no way to unask her. Just have her stand farthest away from you and forget about it.
Post # 8
Member
7300 posts
Busy Beekeeper
so 5:2 is better? Just go with it. Everything doesn’t have to be even.
Post # 9
Member
4824 posts
Honey bee
If its a destination wedding be sure to let your BM’s know what it will cost and let them know if they feel they can not afford it, its OK if they cant come. Maybe she will decide that its not worth the cost seeing as you are not as close anymore.
Post # 10
Member
2154 posts
Buzzing bee
I think 6:2 will look fine! I know that’s not really the issue, but it will!
I agree with Lefeymw – sit down with her and outline in detail all the destination costs and her responsibilities. Maybe she’ll surprise you by not wanting to do it anymore. But everyone is also right that it would be bad etiquette to ask her to drop out.
Post # 11
Member
1641 posts
Bumble bee
I think it’s fine, and I’d definitely leave it as is. You are right, your relationship could definitely be damage if you cut her.
You’ll have amazing photos…and more importantly, lots of help!
Post # 12
Member
35 posts
Newbee
I think you should do whatever you feel is best…and if its leaving it then thats good! If you decide to unask her or others….it can damage things in the relationship. But if you talk to them about just not wanting that many people they may be fine with it.
My friend asked me and another girl to be in her wedding along with her sisters…and she later decided to not have us in it…but in stead of talking about it…she ignored us when we asked about dresses and such…finally I had to come out and say, HEY are we in the wedding anymore or what? and she had said no but said that she thought it would hurt our feelings and that not telling us was a better idea. She is an idiot. BUT had she come to us and said hey, we just want this many people or just family in the wedding we would have been fine with that.
But like Menobride said…you’ll have lots of help and amazing photos! I’m sure those two boys will feel like studs with all those women around! 🙂
Post # 13
Member
290 posts
Helper bee
@Beluga: with regards to comments about whether this friend can even attend – she has already booked her flight and 7 nights in the resort! so she is coming! and as one of my good friends, i am super happy she is coming.
i guess i just have to get over my anxiety of imbalance. i also hope i have some people sitting in the audience and not only up at the altar, that was also one of my regrets about asking so many BMs….i appreciate everyone’s comments. its what i needed to hear. like everything else, i am being overly perfectionistic and it was eating at away me.
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