- 7 years ago
Yes, another one of those women who get another username to post incognito. But I need to get this out.
I got married a little over 3 years ago and this is not my first marriage. I THOUGHT I knew my husband very well before getting married but now I feel like life has played a huge trick on me.
First mistake was my husband was the first guy I dated after the traumatic end of a very long-term relationship. My then-FH showered me with attention, flowers, dinner, trips, sporting events, etc. We went camping, hiking and boating – all activities I love. I was starved for attention and ate out the attention he gave me right up. The sex was not great but nice so after two years and he asked me to marry him, I happily said yes. We had a lovely garden wedding.
Even before the wedding, I starting getting what I can only describe as cold feet. Something didn’t seem quite right. In hindsight, I think it was my intution trying to warn me.
Since the wedding, we bought a house. He still owns a house in the city and he pays on that mortgage – which is half of what I am paying on this house’s mortgage. His house needs more work before it needs sold, but he has no inclination to do so. I pay for virtually all the bills at our new place.
Now I can handle the financial thing; I have a good job. What I wasn’t prepared for is that he has mutated into this fat little ball of a man who does nothing but go to work, eat, sleep and veg out on the couch and watch TV – every single day. He has gained over 60 lbs.! I make yummy nutritious meals and then HE buys junk food and sits and gobbles them all day long! To make matters worse, our sex life died almost as soon as the wedding was over.
At my insistance, he went to see his doctor to see if anything was physically wrong and was prescribed bills after blood tests, etc. The pills give him an erection, but it does not give him desire or the ability to “last”. I have tried everything from porn to erotic fantasies to arose him but no go.
I am very physically fit and active. I have a horribly strong sex drive. I love working out, camping, hiking, canoeing, traveling, etc. I almost never watch TV. I can’t get him to want to do ANYTHING. I will go mad living like this. I have suggested marriage counseling many times and he “Doesn’t see the need for it” and says he is perfectly happy and that I should be too.
I have talked to counselors at work. The one (female) has me believing that there is no hope as he is unwilling to work on our marriage and I will never be happy. The other counselor (a man) thinks that as long as I am not being physically abused or my husband is not an alcoholic (neither of us consumes alcohol) that I simply should deal with things the way they are and focus on activites that make me happy (but do them alone or with friends).
All I know is that I am horribly disappointed in this marriage and the thought of living a life like this is beyond depressing. I thought I KNEW who my FH was, I do not know this fat guy sitting on the couch all day! I need some objective input bees!