- 6 years ago
- Wedding: March 2013
Extremely long story made short, I’ve been mostly estranged from my father and most (though not all) of his family for about 14 years. It wasn’t until the past 3 years or so, where I started trying to salvage some sort of relationship with him
I told him about my engagement almost as soon as it happened, because I knew he’d find out and it brought a lot of unresolved issues between us to the surface, so I put myself in therapy to try to work through them on my own. Part of treatment was confronting him about why/how our relationship turned out the way it did. I got less than satisfactory answers from him, but the best part was that I found my voice in speaking to him and I’m much more comfortable voicing my concerns.
We haven’t actually repaired our relationship over the past year, but I did tell him he’d be invited to the wedding as a guest ONLY and I decided I wanted to sit him down and tell him what he can expect the day to be like (not walking me down the aisle, no speeches, etc).
I haven’t yet had this talk with him, but my father’s relationships with his own family members have been/are deteriorating. My aunt (his sister) whom I’m closest with on his side of the family has been my main point of contact and recently she had some incident that she won’t elaborate on, but her relationship with him is completely broken and her husband is the type who wouldn’t hesitate to deck my father under the right circumstances. So, of his three siblings, my father is only on speaking terms with one of his brothers and his other brother who recently had a baby with his wife is going through a divorce and has apparently gone crazy. He and my father haven’t spoken since I was a baby.
I was planning on putting them all at the same table together at my wedding, because they won’t know anyone else there and, well, because they’re supposed to be a family. Now, I’m really starting to panic at the thought of a fight breaking out or something. My main problem is I DON’T TRUST ANY OF THEM. I was only inviting them to be nice and because it’s an important time in my life and I’m not into excluding people. But I will COMPLETELY and utterly not be able to live with my decision if something awful happens on our day.
I sent them save the dates, but I don’t really know how to handle this situation from here on out. I wish I was closer with these people, but there’s a reason I’m not and I think now that I’m an adult, it’s starting to really hit me. What do I do?