(Closed) Regretting picking my sister as my MOH

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
814 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

ugh.. that sucks really bad.. i have a cousin just like that! if i were you i would not have an Maid/Matron of Honor or just make all your girls moh if they deserve it(people have done it before).. sorry your sis sucks!

Post # 4
4001 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Well, these are your close friends right?  Your BM’s I mean.  So I would confide in them, I’d tell them, maybe just briefly, what you’re going through with your sister.  And further explain that she probably won’t be doing many wedding related things.  I’m so sure your girls will pick up the slack and make sure you have a wonderful shower or bachelorette party.  I can only imagine how tough this is for you.  I don’t know, if I were in your shoes, that I’d want her at my events either.  I think you have to talk to her, tell her how you feel, that you don’t feel you can rely on her and you’re worried about her conduct.  See how receptive she is, if she’s defensive, it might be a better idea to not invite her, not to the wedding, but to the bachelorette party or whatever else.  Unfortunately, it sounds like your parents are enabling her, so you might have to just let them babysit her, at least with that arrangement you know she’ll most likely be at the wedding, sans gross boyfriend.

Post # 5
29 posts
  • Wedding: August 2010

Oh man, sister drama is the worst. It really stinks that your sister can’t woman up to the job, but this is your day, and you shouldn’t have to worry about her and the issues she comes with. I agree with Jennifer’s response, to talk to your BM’s and explain the situation. I would also take away your sister’s MOH title, since she doesn’t seem to deserve it one bit. And maybe you can just forgo the Maid/Matron of Honor title altogether, so you don’t have to worry about choosing among your other BMs.

I hope you everything works out, having two sisters myself, I know how hard it can be when you don’t have their support. Good luck!

Post # 6
62 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

The best thing you can do is love her. It sounds like there are some really big issues here, and the fact that you say you are still angry at her and resentful of all her blown second chances sounds like you are carrying a lot of hurt. Unconditional love is incredibly hard, but I think you need to offer her that. Have you ever calmly told her about the hurt she’s caused in you? If I were you, and I could afford it, I would tell her that I would buy her a new dress because I wanted her to look and feel beautiful on the big day. Big events like weddings can bring simmering issues to a boil, and there are so many different ways to handle this. Have you talked about the dress situation directly with your parents?

Post # 7
204 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Not to say that your situation is the exact same thing… but you should watch the movie “Rachael Getting Married” with Ann Hathaway. It deals with these issues and more. It’s a really good movie.

Post # 8
179 posts
Blushing bee

When you have someone that suffers from addiction in your family, giving unconditional love is something you need to dig deep for. It’s easy for us to tell  Passionfruit to be accepting of MOH/sister’s behavior or just deal with the fact that she’ll have to lose money and cover her MOH/sister all of the time. Just because she loves her sister dosen’t mean she needs to tolerate her toxic lifestyle… esp when it puts others in jeopardy. By covering MOH’s tracks and eff ups all of the time it only allows her sister to keep going on in life w/o facing consequences. Addicts burn MANY bridges and many times relationships never get repaired.

Anyways, I think you need to give a small, short explanation to your BM’s about your situation. You don’t need to go into to much detail but I’m sure they’d pick up the slack and help you out all of the neccessary events if you let them onto what’s going on. Also, you should strip your sister of her Maid/Matron of Honor title and promote one of your BM’s to Maid/Matron of Honor. Do your parents INSIST on your sister being in the bridal party… even with her condition?

As someone who’s dealt with a lifelong addict in their family, I understand how you feel and support your sentiments. Hang in there and hopefully one day your sister will clean up her life.

Post # 9
990 posts
Busy bee

I am very sorry you’re going through this. I have a little sister Maid/Matron of Honor drama myself, but nothing to this extent. I think you will have to be straight forward and honest with your Bridesmaid or Best Man and let them know that she is just your Maid/Matron of Honor in name only. Just advise them not to reach out to her, or expect her to help. Be sure to recognize the one Bridesmaid or Best Man who is helpful however, and recognize her accordingly.

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