(Closed) Rehearsal Dinner & Inviting some guests and not others

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
2281 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I’m in this same boat, so I’m hoping to mouch off the advice you get. 

Post # 4
Member
13010 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I think it’s rude to pick some guests who aren’t involved with the ceremony to attend the rehersal dinner and not others.  I’m going through the same thing right now, and I think we’re all finally on the same page.  Fiance wanted to invite some people who were “like family” to him, so I said, “okay, here’s 25 other people ‘like family’ to me,” and that got the point across.

I say, stick with your original 23 and don’t cherry pick others to come just because there’s seats!

Post # 5
Member
726 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I am sort of going through this as well. My Fiance for some reason does not want a lot of people at our rehersal dinner. He would however, like for his aunt, uncle and three cousins to attend. (They’re likely the only other relatives aside from his immediate family that will be able to make it out for the wedding, since the rest of his family lives abroad.) I have no problem with them being there of course, however by him inviting them that would mean ‘opening the doors’ to all of my out of town aunts, uncles and cousins as well – and they’d amount to close on 100 people. I personally would like to have EVERYONE there, so hopefully my Fiance sees that there’s no way to invite some relatives but not others without hurting people’s feelings. 

Post # 6
Member
3170 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Are there any other family members you could choose that would seem like it ‘fit’ that they were there? Ushers? Anyone helping set up or tear down? I went through this as well but more because my FIL’s wanted their entire family to be there. If they want to pay for it, that’s on them. good luck!

Post # 7
Member
1811 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

We didn’t feel right inviting some guests and not others (since almost all of our guests are OOT) so we are having the rehearsal dinner with only people who are directly involved in the ceremony (and their SOs) and then later that evening we are having a sort of Welcoming party where we basically just invite all of our Out of Town guests to go have a drink with us.

Post # 8
Member
743 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I also would not “cherry pick” Rehearsal Dinner guests.  I am also having a Destination Wedding, and my stance has been “either just the wedding folk” OR “everyone.”  But you could fill up the space with ushers, readers, sig others of folk in the wedding party……

Post # 9
Member
4887 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Why do they want to fill the room?  Is there a minimum of some kind?

Post # 10
Member
4464 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

I think with this type of thing you make a rule about who’s invited and stick to it. If you want Out of Town guests there, then it’s all or none, you know what I mean? You don’t want people to feel excluded or as if they’re traveling wasn’t worth anything. 

Post # 12
Member
4193 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

We are keeping the rehearsal dinner to around 20, and inviting others to meet up with us later. If we invite Out of Town guests, they could possibly double the guest list. I agree you shouldn’t cherry pick- only if there are people who are helping out with the wedding, would I add (ex: one of my Mom’s friend’s is going to be helping out with our DIY flowers the day before, and will be helping with a few things during the wedding- she’ll be invited.)

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