Post # 1
So after much discussion and very little planning my Future In-Laws have decided on a rehearsal dinner location.
We had discussed inviting all out of town guests to the rehearsal dinner, which for my wedding is everyone, but decided against it based mostly on cost and since they have waited so long to plan it there are few options for a group of that size.
So I provided them with the rehearsal dinner guest list consisting of the wedding party and their dates, siblings and their dates, grandparents, and parents. (The officiant has already said that he cannot attend.) That is 23 people.
My Future In-Laws are now saying that they want to fill the 30 person room, so they want to pick more people. Whereas I don’t feel badly about only inviting the ‘main’ people involved in the wedding because they are the traditional invitees and it is a way of thanking them for their help, I don’t think that it’s appropriate to select other people to attend because then it will feel exclusionary.
What would you do?
Post # 3
I’m in this same boat, so I’m hoping to mouch off the advice you get.
Post # 4
I think it’s rude to pick some guests who aren’t involved with the ceremony to attend the rehersal dinner and not others. I’m going through the same thing right now, and I think we’re all finally on the same page. Fiance wanted to invite some people who were “like family” to him, so I said, “okay, here’s 25 other people ‘like family’ to me,” and that got the point across.
I say, stick with your original 23 and don’t cherry pick others to come just because there’s seats!
Post # 5
I am sort of going through this as well. My Fiance for some reason does not want a lot of people at our rehersal dinner. He would however, like for his aunt, uncle and three cousins to attend. (They’re likely the only other relatives aside from his immediate family that will be able to make it out for the wedding, since the rest of his family lives abroad.) I have no problem with them being there of course, however by him inviting them that would mean ‘opening the doors’ to all of my out of town aunts, uncles and cousins as well – and they’d amount to close on 100 people. I personally would like to have EVERYONE there, so hopefully my Fiance sees that there’s no way to invite some relatives but not others without hurting people’s feelings.
Post # 6
Are there any other family members you could choose that would seem like it ‘fit’ that they were there? Ushers? Anyone helping set up or tear down? I went through this as well but more because my FIL’s wanted their entire family to be there. If they want to pay for it, that’s on them. good luck!
Post # 7
We didn’t feel right inviting some guests and not others (since almost all of our guests are OOT) so we are having the rehearsal dinner with only people who are directly involved in the ceremony (and their SOs) and then later that evening we are having a sort of Welcoming party where we basically just invite all of our Out of Town guests to go have a drink with us.
Post # 8
I also would not “cherry pick” Rehearsal Dinner guests. I am also having a Destination Wedding, and my stance has been “either just the wedding folk” OR “everyone.” But you could fill up the space with ushers, readers, sig others of folk in the wedding party……
Post # 9
Why do they want to fill the room? Is there a minimum of some kind?
Post # 10
I think with this type of thing you make a rule about who’s invited and stick to it. If you want Out of Town guests there, then it’s all or none, you know what I mean? You don’t want people to feel excluded or as if they’re traveling wasn’t worth anything.
Post # 12
- Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry
We are keeping the rehearsal dinner to around 20, and inviting others to meet up with us later. If we invite Out of Town guests, they could possibly double the guest list. I agree you shouldn’t cherry pick- only if there are people who are helping out with the wedding, would I add (ex: one of my Mom’s friend’s is going to be helping out with our DIY flowers the day before, and will be helping with a few things during the wedding- she’ll be invited.)