(Closed) Rehearsal dinner

posted 11 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
2226 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I don’t think you’re wrong to be a little hurt.  Maybe she honestly didn’t even think about it.  I doubt she meant it as a “slap in the face”.  She probably has so much going on, she didn’t even give it much tought.

As for the spending the night at her moms – maybe she just wanted her friend with her the night before her big day!  You’ve done so much for her, and she wants to spend some time with you.  I would take that as a compliment.  I know it’s not the greatest situation for you, but it obviously is a big deal to her.

And, just remember, you’re going to get married too, she she will have the opportunity to do all these nice things for you.

It seems like you’ve been a great friend to her through all this!

Post # 4
837 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

No you aren’t wrong to be hurt about your bf not being invited.  I would be flat out pissed.  Some people just obviously don’t understand proper etiquette (i.e. if a couple is living together, in a long-term relationship, engaged or married, they must both be invited seeing as they are a social unit) and even worse she doesn’t seem to know how to be a friend. 

The staying the night at her mom’s house to me isn’t a big deal, but added onto the other thing, yeah I’d be irritated, too.

Post # 5
529 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I agree with @Candy_Nee – I totally get why you’re hurt and I probably would be too in your situation.  She probably really didn’t think about it, and maybe because you’re not engaged yet is why your boyfriend wasn’t invited to the rehearsal dinner.  That’s my guess at least.  She probably thought, okay engaged couples and married couples have to be invited, but that’s it.

I also think her asking you to spend the night is because she wants to have you there when she goes to bed and when she wakes up in the morning.  She wants you to be a part of the entire day with her because you mean so much to her!  I had my best friend (my MOH) spend the night at my house before my wedding and her fiance slept at home (they lived together).  I also know that for her wedding, I’ll be spending the night with her in her hotel room while my hubby’s wherever he’s supposed to be.

If you really want your boyfriend invited to the rehearsal dinner, maybe just ask her if he can come or not.  She probably didn’t really think about it, but maybe she’d be perfectly fine inviting him, depending on their budget.

Good luck!  It sounds like you’re a wonderful bridesmaid and your friend is lucky to have you!

Post # 7
101 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Is she being appreciative and thanking you for all you had done for her? ’cause she should!

For the staying on sofa, maybe you can voice out? I would understand that some bride want to have bm to spend a night w/ them, and maybe she’s the kind that would be ok if she herself is asked to sleep over on a sofa, but you need a good night sleep too! voice out to see how ur sleepover can be more comfortable, don’t just do whatever she asks.

You have fullfilled the bm duty beyond requirement, don’t feel bad that you say no sometime.

Post # 8
529 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

@peonyj – I totally get what you’re saying.  You’ve been with your boyfriend long enough to be considered a unit in my book, plus you’re living together!  To ME, that’s a unit, and should be invited as such.  When I did invites to my wedding, I invited long-term relationship/living together people, whether they were engaged, married, or not.  But not everyone sees it that way, and sometimes when people have to cut down a guest list, they make strict rules that then does stuff like this to people like you!  Maybe you could explain to your friend that just because you and your guy aren’t engaged or married yet, doesn’t mean you’re not in just as much of a committed relationship as other engaged/married couples.  Hopefully she really just wasn’t thinking and didn’t slight you on purpose!

I’d also talk to her about the whole couch-thing.  I don’t know that I could sleep comfortably on a couch either, and you both need to get a good night’s sleep.  Maybe you can ask if you can spend the evening before with her, then just go home to sleep, and come back at x time in the morning or whatever.  When my Maid/Matron of Honor slept over my house, I had a bed for her to sleep on and I broke out the air matress for myself so that we could sleep in the same room together.  It was important to me that my Maid/Matron of Honor was comfortable since she had already helped me so much and I’d be making her do a lot of running around the next day!

Good luck!

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