(Closed) Rehearsal Dinner?

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
244 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I’m not doing it. All of my guests are from out of town and I think it is just a waste of money. 

Post # 4
Member
538 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011 - Franciscan Gardens

Traditionally, the grooms parents pay and all wedding party/parents/out of towners attend. HOWEVER, you do what works for YOU. My fiance is from another state, and all of his family is traveling in. I know that it is a huge financial burden for them to come to our wedding and I don’t want to put a lot of pressure (financial or otherwise) to get them to host a rehearsal dinner for us. I’m thinking that we will actually just end up rehearsing and then going out to a local bar/lounge for cocktails.

Post # 5
Member
2767 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

grooms family paid for ours.  It’s not necessary but I think it is a nice gesture to thank your family and bridal party for coming and being part of your wedding day.  Plus everyone is in town for the rehearsal so it’s nice to spend some time with them.

you can invite out of town guests, but we didn’t because it would have been huge then.

Post # 6
Member
205 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

My future Mother-In-Law is paying. All of our guests are from out of town, so we are going to have dinner for them after the rehearsal.  We plan to call it something different (Welcome dinner, Meet and Greet, etc.) and hold it at the hotel or within walking distance. It will be very informal, but we feel it will be good to feed people if they get here early enough on friday night to attend.

Post # 7
Member
4137 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

my aunt is throwing ours. it’s just going to be a casual bbq in her backyard. that way we can afford to invite all of our Out of Town guests.

Post # 8
Member
643 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Not to hi-jack. I have a question!

When is it appropriate/normal to have one?

Wedding is the Saturday, is it ok if we have it Thursday night and not Friday?

Post # 9
Member
1940 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

@kitzy :  That is what I wanted to do but I got shut down 🙁  My Future in laws are paying for ours and are very concerened about who can and can’t come.  Ours will be parents, and bridal party.  People that are doing readings, ushers, or any other minor job are not invited Frown

Post # 10
Member
2313 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

@RingPup:

I think it’s fine, it’s just not as many people will show up since most of them probably won’t be planning to get into town until Friday. But I doubt the in-towners would mind very much if it was on Thursday.

Post # 11
Member
7695 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

We had our Rehearsal Dinner the night before our wedding at a marina pavilioni with picnic tables and lots of BBQ food. We invited all of our guests to it because if we had just invited all Out of Town guests we would have been excluding only like 10 of our guests which we didnt think was fair. My dad paid for it along with my ILs. We were so glad to have all of our guests there because it gave us an extra night with everyone and took the pressure off for the day of the wedding.

Post # 12
Member
643 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

@ohheavenlyday:

Most are planning (most as in his family all from OOT) to come in on the Tue or Wed as his bach party is going to be the Wednesday (trying to squeeze it all in with so many from far away!) so everyone we would want to be there will be here on Thurs & Fri! Our thoughts were bach/bachelorette for each of us Wednesday. Come back hungover (or not…lol) for rehearsal Thursday, rehearsal party Thursday night, Friday chill out and not drink, last min prep at venue and then Saturday’s the big day!

Post # 13
Member
987 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

Generally just the bridal party and immediate family.  Traditionally it’s the groom’s family that pay but certainly not something you should ask them about.  It isn’t necessary at all but can be nice if you need to rehearse the wedding procession and would like dinner afterwards. 

 

Post # 14
Member
1068 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

It’s not necessary! I think that you can do it in any way if you decide to do one.

You can have just the immediate family and wedding party. Or the extended family and wedding party (and their guest), etc. You can make it a lunch, or dinner. You can have it after the rehearsal, when everyone is together. I don’t think there are strong rules here.

FI’s father offered to pay for the Rehearsal Dinner, so we are having it. Also, since a lot family (vast majority on FI’s side) is traveling into town for the wedding, FI’s father also wanted to have them at the Rehearsal Dinner. Since he’s paying and willing, that’s fine with me. This means that we’ll have about 60 people at the Rehearsal Dinner – not ideal, but he wants to have a warm welcome for his family and it’ll be the first time that they are meeting me.

Post # 15
Member
232 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

We’re having one that kind of serves a few purposes.  The dinner itself will be for the immediate family, the bridal party, the grandparents, and whoever attends the actual rehearsal (because they’re in the ceremony).  We’re extending invitations for drinks and dessert after dinner wraps up to all Out of Town guests and our extended family.  It’s too much to invite everyone for the entire evening, but we want them to feel welcome to come over if they want!

Post # 16
Member
2775 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

@Tswife4ever:

Who goes: at a minimum, immediate families and bridal party, along with any spouses or fiances.

Who pays: you and your FH, unless somebody steps up and offers to host.  Traditionally, the groom’s parents host, but I think that is becoming less common just as it is becoming less common for the bride’s parents to host the wedding.

Is it necessary: Yes, if you are having a rehearsal.

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