(Closed) Rehearsal Dinner…

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Should we ask his parents to pay for the rehearsal dinner?
    yes.....suck it up. : (43 votes)
    68 %
    No (how rude!) : (20 votes)
    32 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    6065 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: January 2012

    It can’t hurt for your Fiance to just ask them, and let them know that if they don’t want to do it it’s ok…but just to see how they feel about it.

    Post # 4
    Member
    311 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    Agreed. Have your Fiance explain that it is traditional and feel out their response… however… I feel no one is obligated to pay anything other than the couple, despite what the FI’s family is paying. So if they’re not into it, just have a low key pizza party or something. $100 or less.

    In my situation, my family is paying MUCH MUCH less for the wedding than FI’s parents… however, we still don’t have money ourselves for a rehearsal dinner and can’t ask them since they’re paying the majority anyways. So, pizza or chinese food and beers it is. If his family is not into a traditional thing enough to pay it, then they should be fine with whatever you guys can afford yourselves.

    Post # 4
    Member
    964 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    I would let him ask…They can either say yes or no

    Post # 5
    Member
    1686 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    @beebee17:

    Let your Fiance handle it; he’s known them the longest and probably knows how to approach it. I agree, they may just not know. I think Hollywood has made us all aware that the bride’s family traditionally pays for the reception, but rehearsal dinners just aren’t sexy movie making. I had no idea, until I started hanging here, that they’re traditionally hosted by the groom’s family.

    Post # 6
    Member
    1126 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    I would ask them, not in a “you’re supposed to pay for this” kind of way, but rather a “were you planning on contributing to the wedding, if so here’s an option and we’d be hugely appreciative for anything you can do” kind of way.  My DH’s parents had zero idea of what they were “supposed” to pay for, and they were really happy for the guidance, because they wanted to contribute but didn’t want to step on any toes.

    Post # 7
    Member
    2195 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    Do you know that they aren’t thinking about it already? I didn’t have to talk to my future inlaws, as they just assumed they would host it. Ask Fiance to investigate.

    Post # 8
    Member
    2775 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2010

    I think it would be okay for your Fiance to ask his parents if they are interested in hosting the rehearsal dinner.

    Post # 9
    Member
    4755 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    If anyone asks it had better not be you… If Fi wants to ask- HE does.

    Post # 10
    Member
    1723 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    I would say let your Fiance ask.  All they can say is no!

    Post # 11
    Member
    860 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2012

    I am in the same situation with my Fiance. I am having him ask his parents if they are interested in hosting the rehersal dinner, but make it clear they they are not obligated to and that the reason you are asking is because it is traditional for the groom’s family to host. If you make it seems as though you are checking to see if they want to fall in line with normal tradition rather than asking as though you were expecting them to host, might make it go over more smoothly.

    I will let you know how it goes!

    Post # 12
    Member
    231 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    Let the Fiance handle it. I told him I’m not planning one ounce of the rehearsal (I’m already doing the bulk of the wedding). He then brought up the question with his familes, and his dad offered to pay money but not plan it. Fiance ended up planning it.

    Post # 13
    Member
    14658 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    Tradition or not, I would not ask anyone for money or to pay for something for me.  If it’s offered, I will gratefully accept, but I dont ask for it.  My Mother-In-Law mentioned early on to me that traditionally she would pay for Rehearsal Dinner and flowers.  She took initiative with Rehearsal Dinner and put it together. But she didnt bring up the flowers again, and even though she had mentioned it, I still could not bring it up to ask about it and paid for it myself.

    And the fact that they are in an ok financial situation and just bought a new car has nothing to do with if they ‘should’ pay for your Rehearsal Dinner.  Just because they may have it, doesnt mean they want to spend it on the Rehearsal Dinner for you.  I cant stand when people think i should do this or that or not be so cheap just because I have the money to do it.  The reason I have it is because I’m careful with it and not just squandered the way people think I should.  Maybe they just spent a lot of time saving for the car and dont have much to spare now?

    But I agree with PP, if you have to ask, your Fiance should be the one to do it.

    Post # 14
    Member
    18 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    I would ask Fiance to ask them.  Have him ask them if they would like to host the dinner.  That’s what we did, and his parents agreed to do it. 

     

    Won’t hurt to ask, if they say no, at least you know your options.  GL!

    Post # 15
    Member
    6 posts
    Newbee

    @beebee17: 

    @pinkshoes:

    I totally agree.  Anything someone else pays for regarding the wedding is a gift to the bride and groom…and gifts are best given freely, not solicited.  You might be uncomfortable if you asked for it and they did it, but were resentful.  I don’t think people stand on the tradtional ways much anymore.  If they offer it, great!  If they don’t, B&G need to figure out Plan B.

    The topic ‘Rehearsal Dinner…’ is closed to new replies.

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