Post # 1
Okay so I need everyone’s input here!
My father has generously given us money to pay for our wedding (or at least most of it) This is the traditional role and he wants to do it!
fi’s family traditionally would pay for the rehearsal dinner, however I do not know how to approach it. They are in an okay financial situation and just bought a brand new car however they commented about paying for his little bother’s tux rental (something along the lines of “aren’t you supposed to pay for that?”)
fi wants to ask them to pay, or at least let them know that this is traditional and ask of they have any intention of paying. We plan on keeping it very modest either way. he said since his mother and stepfather never had a wedding they may not know. Also the wedding checklist on weddingwire says we are past due to ask this question (LOL)
I feel very strange asking for money, what do you think???
Post # 3
It can’t hurt for your Fiance to just ask them, and let them know that if they don’t want to do it it’s ok…but just to see how they feel about it.
Post # 4
Agreed. Have your Fiance explain that it is traditional and feel out their response… however… I feel no one is obligated to pay anything other than the couple, despite what the FI’s family is paying. So if they’re not into it, just have a low key pizza party or something. $100 or less.
In my situation, my family is paying MUCH MUCH less for the wedding than FI’s parents… however, we still don’t have money ourselves for a rehearsal dinner and can’t ask them since they’re paying the majority anyways. So, pizza or chinese food and beers it is. If his family is not into a traditional thing enough to pay it, then they should be fine with whatever you guys can afford yourselves.
Post # 4
I would let him ask…They can either say yes or no
Post # 5
Let your Fiance handle it; he’s known them the longest and probably knows how to approach it. I agree, they may just not know. I think Hollywood has made us all aware that the bride’s family traditionally pays for the reception, but rehearsal dinners just aren’t sexy movie making. I had no idea, until I started hanging here, that they’re traditionally hosted by the groom’s family.
Post # 6
I would ask them, not in a “you’re supposed to pay for this” kind of way, but rather a “were you planning on contributing to the wedding, if so here’s an option and we’d be hugely appreciative for anything you can do” kind of way. My DH’s parents had zero idea of what they were “supposed” to pay for, and they were really happy for the guidance, because they wanted to contribute but didn’t want to step on any toes.
Post # 7
Do you know that they aren’t thinking about it already? I didn’t have to talk to my future inlaws, as they just assumed they would host it. Ask Fiance to investigate.
Post # 8
I think it would be okay for your Fiance to ask his parents if they are interested in hosting the rehearsal dinner.
Post # 9
If anyone asks it had better not be you… If Fi wants to ask- HE does.
Post # 10
I would say let your Fiance ask. All they can say is no!
Post # 11
I am in the same situation with my Fiance. I am having him ask his parents if they are interested in hosting the rehersal dinner, but make it clear they they are not obligated to and that the reason you are asking is because it is traditional for the groom’s family to host. If you make it seems as though you are checking to see if they want to fall in line with normal tradition rather than asking as though you were expecting them to host, might make it go over more smoothly.
I will let you know how it goes!
Post # 12
Let the Fiance handle it. I told him I’m not planning one ounce of the rehearsal (I’m already doing the bulk of the wedding). He then brought up the question with his familes, and his dad offered to pay money but not plan it. Fiance ended up planning it.
Post # 13
Tradition or not, I would not ask anyone for money or to pay for something for me. If it’s offered, I will gratefully accept, but I dont ask for it. My Mother-In-Law mentioned early on to me that traditionally she would pay for Rehearsal Dinner and flowers. She took initiative with Rehearsal Dinner and put it together. But she didnt bring up the flowers again, and even though she had mentioned it, I still could not bring it up to ask about it and paid for it myself.
And the fact that they are in an ok financial situation and just bought a new car has nothing to do with if they ‘should’ pay for your Rehearsal Dinner. Just because they may have it, doesnt mean they want to spend it on the Rehearsal Dinner for you. I cant stand when people think i should do this or that or not be so cheap just because I have the money to do it. The reason I have it is because I’m careful with it and not just squandered the way people think I should. Maybe they just spent a lot of time saving for the car and dont have much to spare now?
But I agree with PP, if you have to ask, your Fiance should be the one to do it.
Post # 14
I would ask Fiance to ask them. Have him ask them if they would like to host the dinner. That’s what we did, and his parents agreed to do it.
Won’t hurt to ask, if they say no, at least you know your options. GL!
Post # 15
I totally agree. Anything someone else pays for regarding the wedding is a gift to the bride and groom…and gifts are best given freely, not solicited. You might be uncomfortable if you asked for it and they did it, but were resentful. I don’t think people stand on the tradtional ways much anymore. If they offer it, great! If they don’t, B&G need to figure out Plan B.