(Closed) Rehearsal Dinner

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Should I ask my friends and family to pay their share for rehearsal dinner?
    Yes : (9 votes)
    7 %
    No : (116 votes)
    91 %
    Not sure : (2 votes)
    2 %
  • Post # 17
    Member
    9544 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2013

    If you host a rehearsal dinner (meaning invite everyone to go from the rehearsal to a specific place and time to eat) then you pay for it. Or his parents. Or your parents. But Iwould think it was odd to ask your guests to pay for their rehearsal dinner. On the other hand, you don’t have to have a rehearsal dinner. You could just do the rehearsal and no dinner. Or do it later and just have drinks. Or have a cheaper dinner. But those all seem like better options than asking guests to pay for their dinner.

    Post # 18
    Member
    311 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2012 - Prairie Production- Chicago (loft)

    Im not having a traditional Rehearsal Dinner because there is no rehearsal..but I want a chance for the party and the parents to get together- so I called in to the local pizza parkor….and will be renting the extra side room…and ordering a few pizzas and apps/ soda pitchers – thats when theyll get their gifts… if they want to go up to the bar for a drink thats up to them (we will have open bar at wedding)- but I could never ask for money towards the food at a RD- I’d be embarrassed.

    Post # 19
    Member
    137 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    If you can’t afford to host it at a restaurant, just have something casual instead. It could be a BBQ or pizza, etc, whatever it takes to not ask guests to pay. We had a big BBQ for all our guests the night before, bottled our own wine and bought some kegs and it was a blast!

    Post # 20
    Member
    3618 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    @mrsSonthebeach:  +1

    The BBQ at your house sounds like a better alternative.

    Post # 21
    Member
    529 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: January 2013

    We are having a Rehearsal Dinner at a resturant and we are paying for everyone. I think if you let them know they won’t have a problem with it. We told our Wedding Party and they have no problem. So, I don’t think it’s tacky. But at the same time, you shouldn’t go anywhere to pricey….

    Post # 23
    Member
    3279 posts
    Sugar bee

    A Rehearsal Dinner is always a hosted event. 

    It is a way to thank your attendants for coming to rehearse for your ceremony.  It doesn’t really ooze of thanks, to charge them for that privilege.

    They are coming at your request, and to celebrate you.  Host what you can afford, and don’t foist that cost onto your guests.

    Post # 24
    Member
    9588 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I don’t think it’s appropriate to ask guests to pay for their food at a rehearsal dinner.

    Post # 25
    Member
    939 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    fi and i are mostly paying for everything ourselves and also do not have the money to host a Rehearsal Dinner. my wedding party consists of all family so i just was blunt and told them it just wasnt in the budget and they all agreed they would rather go to a nice restauant and pay for themselves than do pizza and snacks. perpaps you can talk it over with them as well

    Post # 26
    Member
    333 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    If you can’t afford it then you can’t afford it. But don’t pass this burden off to your guests who are already giving you a wedding present the next day. Cut your budget elsewhere or do one of the great suggestions above… Pizza party, sandwiches, BBQ, etc. it’s rude to have a dinner thanking special guests by pretty much saying “to thank you, we’re going to make you pay for your own dinner and accept your wedding gift tomorrow!” 

    Post # 27
    Member
    804 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    I have never been at a wedding that had a rehearsal dinner,though if I was invited to one I wouldn’t expect to be asked to pay. Being asked to go to dinner yet have to foot the bill? No thanks, also if money is a big issue don’t have a rehearsal dinner. 

    Post # 28
    Member
    1470 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2012

    would you ask them to pick up the dinner tab at your wedding as well?!? 

    NOOOOOO do not invite friends and family to a rehersal dinner you do not plan to pay for!!!!  This is VERY tacky and RUDE….. If you cant afford the fancy dinner you want then dont have it, you can do finger food and appitizers at your place, or have fun and order pizza…. but PLEASE DO NOT CHARGE YOUR GUESTS FOR YOUR EVENT!!!!!!!

    would put a bad taste in everybodys mouth, this is not good… better to not have one then to make your guests pay for your event….

    Post # 29
    Member
    159 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    Unfortunately, it just really isn’t appropriate to ask your guests to pay for their own dinner at your rehearsal. As PP have mentioned, the rehearsal is one of the ways you thank your wedding party for all of the work and support (and financial obligations!) they have put in to your wedding. 

    I think doing a cheaper option (e.g. pizza) or an at home option (e.g. BBQ) is the way to go. Alternatively, you could put your budget down at a bar for a bar tab, and your wedding party would be able to each have 1-2 drinks before it runs out and turns into a cash bar. Or you could host a coffee and dessert party at a nice restaurant, and thus avoid the high charges for entrees and alcohol. There are many ways to save money without having your guests pay for their own dinners.

    Post # 30
    Member
    1423 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2009

    Just plan to do something cheaper and more casual rather than invite them out to a restaurant and ask them to pay for their meals.  You can do almost anything for a rehersal dinner.   People have mentioned lots of good options, BBQ, sandwiches, bake and freeze ahead of time etc.  You can meet at a park, at your house, a friend’s house.  If your families live in the area, you will more than likely have people offering to bring all sorts of stuff.  People often are eager to offer to help, but it is best to let them offer. 

     

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