Post # 1
So my Future Mother-In-Law is planning the rehearsal dinner. She is kind of a scatter brain and keeps forgetting things that we’ve told her for the rehearsal dinner (like she suggested a restaurant, we said sounds good, and then she called a week later to ask if we had any restaurant ideas). A few months ago she asked who we wanted to invite to the rehearsal dinner and we told her we wanted to do a small, intimate rehearsal dinner with the bridal party and immediate family which would be 30 people. Well somehow she completely forgot this and my Future Sister-In-Law convinced her that the etiquette is that you have to invite all the out-of-town guests to the rehearsal dinner, which would be 100 people. FH and I are throwing a brunch for all the out of town guests specifically so we don’t have to invite them to the rehearsal dinner.
Well FH got the guestlist for the rehearsal dinner back under control with his mother last night, except that she already told one of her friends from Hong Kong about the rehearsal dinner so he and his wife were already planning on coming and she’s insisting they have to be invited. So it would basically be family, bridal party, and a random couple (plus their son) that FH and I don’t even like. Is there anything we can do? This is particularly annoying because his mom has been such a pain with the guestlists; she keeps trying to add friends of hers to the wedding that FH and I don’t know (she’s already inviting 10 couples and she’s not paying for the wedding) and she’s inviting a bunch of women I don’t know to the shower.
Post # 3
I don’t really agree with the whole we only want Bridal Party and immediate family at the Rehearsal Dinner and not the Out of Town guests.
Just my opinion, but, if someone is close enough to travel from Out of Town to attend a wedding and incur the associated expenses, then they should most definitely be considered close enough to attend the Rehearsal Dinner.
This is assuming that cost is not the issue. It doesn”t appear that that is the case in this instance. Even so, I would likely scale down the event in order to include Out of Town guests.
Even the thrifty financial guru, Suze Orman says….. people first, then money, then things.
Post # 4
If we invited Out of Town guests to ours that would be basically everyone, 160 ppl!!!
We are doing wedding party, parents, grandparents & siblings. My siblings are in teh Wedding Party, his aren’t, so I said we would include them in the rehearsal.
This will be almost 30 ppl.
Post # 5
I disagree with @BrideForADay_WifeForALifetime:
The rehearsal dinner was intended as an opportunity for the bridal party and the family to meet and get to know one another. It was also an opportunity for the couple to give gifts of appreciation to their parents and the wedding party. If you invite everyone to the rehearsal dinner it becomes next to impossible for any closeness or intimacy. It becomes another full scale social event like the wedding, only hosted by the groom’s family.
Too many couples these days think they have to host and pay for every minute of an Out of Town guest’s time.People understand that there are financial implcations when they accept an invitaion to a wedding that is Out of Town for them- and that includes some of their meals.
The problem for the OP is that this couple have already been invited and it would be awkward if not rude to un-invite them.
Post # 6
I think it’s ridiculous to invite all Out of Town guests to the Rehearsal Dinner too. If you do invite them all, then call it something else, since it certainly loses it’s meaning then!
OP…I think you just have to let the couple go. It’s really a minor thing,even if you don’t like him.
Post # 7
Rehearsal dinner should be bride + groom + bridal party + family. I dont know why anyone would want to be at the rehearsal dinner if you arent in any of these catergories.
Post # 8
I agree its Wedding Party family and thats it usually invited…So basically I would have someone explain they didnt understand the etiquette of the dinner or something there is no reason that couple needs to be there.
Post # 9
I agree inviting all Out of Town guests is insane. However, the damage has been done with this one couple. And the Future Mother-In-Law is paying for it right? So I’d let it go. Maybe tell her she can invite like one or two more couples for the Hong Kong couple doesn’t feel awkward. But I’d leave it at that.
Post # 10
OP I’m right there with you– ALL of our guests are out of town, and I only want my family (and bridal party) there because it’s my last opportunity to thank everyone for all of their help before the big day!
Post # 11
Same here.. so many of our guests were out of town that it would have practically been the whole wedding all over again! I think it is nice to invite the out of town guests if there are only a few of them, but it just isn’t possible with a large group and doesn’t even make sense.
As for the one couple from Hong Kong, I’d just let them come. But emphasize to her that she cannot invite any other guests, because it will be bridal part/family only (unless maybe just a friend for that couple, as someone else mentioned).
Post # 12
I originally wanted it to just be the wedding party and IMMEDIATE family (just siblings and parents) – but Fi’s parents are paying and they want aunts and uncles to be there too – so that opens it up to a whole lot more. Our wedding will have about 160 people and our rehearsal dinner will have about 60 people there. That sounds like a lot – but the way I look at it is that it gives me more time to spend with everyone! How great is it going to be to see all of FI’s aunts and uncles the day before the wedding!? It will definitely free up more time on my actual wedding day to spend dancing with my girls and friends I haven’t seen in a while.
Compromise with Future Mother-In-Law. Explain your side calmly and rationally. But was is the etiquette? If she is paying, then she can invite who she wants? Or it’s in honor of the Bride and Groom so they should invite who they want? I am not really sure how that works? Let’s ask Emily Post! ha ha