(Closed) rehearsal dinner confusion with FMIL

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
32 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2008

I don’t really agree with the whole we only want Bridal Party and immediate family at the Rehearsal Dinner and not the Out of Town guests.

Just my opinion, but, if someone is close enough to travel from Out of Town to attend a wedding and incur the associated expenses, then they should most definitely be considered close enough to attend the Rehearsal Dinner.

This is assuming that cost is not the issue. It doesn”t appear that that is the case in this instance. Even so, I would likely scale down the event in order to include Out of Town guests.

Even the thrifty financial guru, Suze Orman says….. people first, then money, then things.   

Post # 4
Member
1501 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

If we invited Out of Town guests to ours that would be basically everyone, 160 ppl!!!

We are doing wedding party, parents, grandparents & siblings. My siblings are in teh Wedding Party, his aren’t, so I said we would include them in the rehearsal.

This will be almost 30 ppl.

Post # 5
Member
46332 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I disagree with @BrideForADay_WifeForALifetime: The rehearsal dinner was intended as an opportunity for the bridal party and the family to meet and get to know one another. It was also an opportunity for the couple to give gifts of appreciation to their parents and the wedding party. If you invite everyone to the rehearsal dinner it becomes next to impossible for any closeness or intimacy. It becomes another full scale social event like the wedding, only hosted by the groom’s family.

Too many couples these days think they have to host and pay for every minute of an Out of Town guest’s time.People understand that there are financial implcations when they accept an invitaion to a wedding that is Out of Town for them- and that includes some of their meals.

The problem for the OP is that this couple have already been invited and it would be awkward if not rude to un-invite them.

 

@blg529:

Post # 6
Member
5761 posts
Bee Keeper

I think it’s ridiculous to invite all Out of Town guests to the Rehearsal Dinner too. If you do invite them all, then call it something else, since it certainly loses it’s meaning then!

OP…I think you just have to let the couple go. It’s really a minor thing,even if you don’t like him.

Post # 7
Member
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Rehearsal dinner should be bride + groom + bridal party + family. I dont know why anyone would want to be at the rehearsal dinner if you arent in any of these catergories.

Post # 8
Member
5110 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2011

I agree its Wedding Party family and thats it usually invited…So basically I would have someone explain they didnt understand the etiquette of the dinner or something there is no reason that couple needs to be there. 

Post # 9
Member
1876 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I agree inviting all Out of Town guests is insane. However, the damage has been done with this one couple. And the Future Mother-In-Law is paying for it right? So I’d let it go. Maybe tell her she can invite like one or two more couples for the Hong Kong couple doesn’t feel awkward. But I’d leave it at that.

Post # 10
Member
164 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

OP I’m right there with you– ALL of our guests are out of town, and I only want my family (and bridal party) there because it’s my last opportunity to thank everyone for all of their help before the big day!

Post # 11
Member
293 posts
Helper bee

Same here.. so many of our guests were out of town that it would have practically been the whole wedding all over again! I think it is nice to invite the out of town guests if there are only a few of them, but it just isn’t possible with a large group and doesn’t even make sense.

As for the one couple from Hong Kong, I’d just let them come. But emphasize to her that she cannot invite any other guests, because it will be bridal part/family only (unless maybe just a friend for that couple, as someone else mentioned).

Post # 12
Member
54 posts
Worker bee

I originally wanted it to just be the wedding party and IMMEDIATE family (just siblings and parents) – but Fi’s parents are paying and they want aunts and uncles to be there too – so that opens it up to a whole lot more.  Our wedding will have about 160 people and our rehearsal dinner will have about 60 people there.  That sounds like a lot – but the way I look at it is that it gives me more time to spend with everyone!  How great is it going to be to see all of FI’s aunts and uncles the day before the wedding!?  It will definitely free up more time on my actual wedding day to spend dancing with my girls and friends I haven’t seen in a while.  

 

Compromise with Future Mother-In-Law.  Explain your side calmly and rationally.  But was is the etiquette?  If she is paying, then she can invite who she wants?  Or it’s in honor of the Bride and Groom so they should invite who they want?  I am not really sure how that works?  Let’s ask Emily Post!  ha ha

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